Chapter Twenty-Nine

And suddenly it felt like my whole world had shattered once more. Everything I thought I once knew had been ripped from under my feet and I had fallen, again. Was this another way for life to laugh at me, or an opportunity to be stronger? Standing next to everything Blake's endured, I should push forwards and try to better myself. But all my mind spins back to is the what if's. Would Logan still be here if Jude never crossed his path? "What?" I gasp. This out had been a blow to the chest. The deception and lies puncturing my ability to keep a safe guard, the concept of breathing or thinking. Images, ideas, hopes, questions and the desire to know answer swirls in my mind on a sickeningly sweet circle. "I was with Logan that night of the accident," he repeats. "I don't understand." I frown. "How could you be with him?" Tears swell up in my eyes and my chest tightens with uneasiness. My head could be in space right now, because everything feels detached and otherworldly through the floating tingles spreading through my body. "What's wrong?" Blake asks as he walks into the room. When his eyes catch the uneasy appearance molded to my features, he immediately stands by my side and wraps his arms around my body and then kisses my forehead. Tori appears in the room, which makes a guilty look flash across Jude's face. "I couldn't keep it to myself any longer." He eyes Tori nervously. "What are you talking about?" The anger in Blake's voice evident. He crushes my body against his chest in a protective manner, but to also keep his anger at bay. One hand strokes my hair ever so softly while the other stays firmly wrapped around my body, his fingers crunching around the material of my top. "Logan saw how angry I was and offered me a lift home, and I didn't refuse. Man, I didn't know how drunk he was." Jude shakes his head, his gaze falling upon a random object which makes him look inanimate. He's soaked with regret and from the vacant look within his eyes, it seemed possible that he'd been drowning with guilt for so long. This was Jude throwing a lifeline for help, and I wasn't too sure if I wanted to run in and help him. "But you weren't in the crash report?" Did Logan feel responsible for something that happened after crossing paths with Logan? They'd thought he got distracted and veered off the road by accident and crashed into a tree. The impact and hit he'd taken to the head inflicted a lot of trauma on his body. "Because he left," Tori pipes in before anyone can say anything. "I." Jude falls silent. "I want to know!" I squeeze Blake tighter, "You have to tell me everything." But nobody dares to speak another word, not yet. I need to know the details to understand what took place that night. Vague details and broken answers hadn't helped me settle with the loss of Logan. I don't know how finding the details will help, but I want to know regardless. "I got a call from Jude, he was hysterical. I took your car and picked Jude up while you were playing beer bong," Tori fesses up to Blake. "I drove him back to your parents' house before returning to the party. You didn't notice I was gone because I said I'd left to go dance with some of the girls." "So you left my brother to die?" I practically scream, my voice burning my throat. "No, I would never do that," spits Tori, "when I arrived, there were already people examining the wreck." "The car behind stopped and called for someone, so I decided to crawl away before someone could arrive. I had party favours in my pocket, and I didn't want to get charged with having them," he replies, "I wouldn't have been help, I didn't know what to do, so I ran." "Why were you so angry?" I find myself asking. Jude glances towards Tori worriedly, but she shakes her head and shoots him a glare before going blanks and looking at Blake. The exchange happens to quick that I have to blink my eyes and wonder if it actually took place. "I was angry over something stupid," Jude answers, "so stupid in comparison to what happened after." I go into another round of sobs. Logan had die over something silly Jude was angry about. "Leave us alone," commands Blake, his voice fierce and so deadly with poison. Tori and Jude quickly shuffle out of the room and down the stairs. I nuzzle my face in Blake's chest, soaking his t-shirt with my tears. "I don't know what to think," I mumble into his shirt. "Don't think," he whispers back, his hand still softly stroking my hair. "What do I tell my parents?" I ask. "Should you?" he questions. "What are you saying?" I step away from the security of Blake's arms to question him. Does he expect me to cover for something his brother had done? I couldn't do that. "Your parents have progressed so much. Do you want them to send them spiralling back through all of that hurt over something stupid?" he asks. "Jude was stupid for running away from the scene, but he never forced Logan to get in that car and drive. That was his choice." I fall silent, I had no idea. Would my parents feel better if they knew Logan was driving someone home, or twice as guilty when they realised their son was too generous, or revengeful once they understood the reason he'd decided to get behind the wheel. I don't know if I want to slap or hug him. Logan had been a big part of my life and finding this out... well, it made more sense than what the crash report had conducted. "The story doesn't feel right," I say, "There's something missing." How could you be so angry over something so trivial? And the glance exchanged between Tori and Jude gives me enough evidence to be suspicious of what else there could be for this story. For Tori to silence him about his confession, I wonder if Tori hasn't been completely truthful about her role in that night. "We'll get to the bottom of this, but." He wraps his arms around me once more, "just let it all out." Just as I thought the world might be resorted, it's flipped me on my head once more. In one swift motion, Blake picks me up and carries me back to bed. He settles against the headboard and wraps the plush blanket around my body. I nuzzle my face into his chest and let go of the cool composed facade and allow the hurt to seep out of my body and be drained away by Blake's t-shirt. "I'm going to get a drink," I say as I climb out of his lap. "I can-" I shake my head and crack on a half-smile. "I need to stretch my legs before I go to sleep." I walk towards the stairs and carefully make my way downstairs. Where I hear hushed voices, I immediately slow my pace and walk quieter so that I can hear what's being said. "That was too close, idiot. Do you want them to know what happened last night?" Tori growls under her breath. "There's only so much I can take to my grave, and being partly responsible for Logan's death was something I couldn't bare anymore," replies Jude. "Now Ava is questioning why you needed to leave, what if she figures it all out?" The anger in her voice had sunken to a desperate cry for help. She hadn't been too innocent after all. "Maybe you should have picked." Like a magnet, Jude had sucked in Tori's anger and had spat it back in her face. "Takes two to tango, ass bucket." There's a loud slapping sound which has me coiling back up the steps in retreat. Tori's new attitude seemed too good to be true. Her ugly head had begun to rear and Jude was her latest target, but Blake would always be the long run.