Chapter 47

**CHAOS’ POV**

I let my mind wander back to all that has happened today, the unending catching up and what not. In as much as it felt good to be alive, it didn’t help that this place awakened bad memories for me and to make matters worse, my innocent son, okay my semi-innocent son Xavier was here in this infested pack. I was leaving him back home but my son refused to part ways with me since the day he was born and in as much as it is endearing, it is also a major pain in the ass sometimes and especially in cases like this. He wanted to get to see and know his father and for the life of me, I could not deny him that.

So here we are, in this darned pack. A pack that owes me blood. A pack that has awakened a bloodlust in me. One I thought I had buried for so many years now. The very same pack that I am an alpha of. Fate really has a twisted sense of humor.

If it were up to my choices, this awakening wouldn’t have happened. I could have happy remained dead to this pack and lived peacefully in my home realm where I could raise my son and relocated to a different part of the world when I was ready to move on but no… I had to be reminded that I had an obligation to this ungrateful pack and a responsibility to my son who is half wolf and needed to grow in a pack and among his kind.

I picked my mother’s pack to raise him and I was reminded yet again that I didn’t get pregnant by myself and my son needs his father. So, as you can see, I had so many fantastic choices to make and I only picked to be here out of the goodness of my heart. Note the sweet sarcasm. I was drawn out of thoughts by the blasting of the bathroom door open. Rolling my eyes- something that has become awfully common with me ever since I gave birth and my son is picking up on that habit.

The same son who happens to have a habit of blasting doors open instead of knocking or calling for it to be opened for him because he finds it a chore to knock or talk. I quickly turn the shower off and wiped my face with my hand. I opened my eyes only to find Xavier strutting into the bathroom butt naked as the day he was born like he owned the place. The glare on his face didn’t make him any scarier than the cute man bun on top of his head.

With a sigh, I opened the shower again before grabbing a bathing shampoo and making quick work of giving him a bath. We washed down when we were both clean and toweled dry. Lifting him into my arms, I re-entered my bedroom and sighed in relief when I found one of his suitcases on the bed. After dressing him in his pajamas, I locate mine and put it on before lifting him into my arms and heading for the kitchen to make him something to eat because this little fella gets horribly cranky when he’s hungry.

He burnt down his crib when he was much younger that this and I do not want a repeat of that in this realm and not when he is this older and capable of instigating devastating damage. I was halfway through when his father appeared in the kitchen. Freshly bathed and particularly excited. I focused on finishing up the food as father and son played.

In the midst of all this cozy reunion, I have not forgotten how I felt about my ex-mate. I may be awakened but the wounds were still fresh. I can’t look at him without remembering all he did to me and more. I am holding on as long as I can because I do not want my son to grow up in a broken home. Those things screw up a child’s mind in so many absurd ways and I would not have it happening to my own blood. Not when there is something, I can do about it. Better I suffer than him.

You are probably wondering where my family was. Well since I have decided to avoid them like a plague, they have decided to enjoy the festivities to pass time.

We have no issues but I am just not in the right frame of mind to deal with my family right now. Too much wandering emotions and I think I have had enough for one night. The awakening is more complicated than it looked. You lose a part of you with each awakening you go through. A small price to pay.

I lost more than a part of me with this awakening and in as much as my family wants me to talk about it and see a professional, I just can’t.

Even after five years, those wounds are still fresh. If and when I decide to talk about it, I think I would start with my ex-mate seeing as it involves him and he deserves to hear it from me rather than any other person.

Turning off the fire, I plate the food before setting it in front of my son and his father. I was washing my hands so I could come feed Xavier when I felt my family entering my home. Speak of the devils and they shall appear. Pun very much intended

Letting out a deep breath, I tell River to feed his son whiles I handle my family. I knew they would only allow me to avoid them for just a while and my time seems to be up. I slumped into the nearest couch when I entered the living room. Throwing my head back to rest on top of the couch, I closed my eyes just so I could avoid seeing the questioning and knowing looks on their faces.

“You guys are back early” I stated

“Well… we wanted… no needed to check on you after you tried avoiding us like a plague” Kiara said softly

“So… how are you feeling?” mum questioned

“Same old if not worse” I replied without opening my eyes

“Baby girl…” papa started

“Not now dad. Not now…” I cut him off brokenly

“You can’t keep going on like this little sis. You are killing yourself from the inside out” Lucien stated hoarsely

“I… I… can’t let loose until after the whole ceremony is over. I need to be strong for my son. I can’t let go off the little strength in my grasp. I can’t let my guard down in this pack. I can’t fail Xavier. Not again and you know it”

“No one is asking you to let loose or let go off the strength that makes you Chaos or let your guard down. Most especially in this pack. All we are asking you to do, is let us in. let us help you. You know that we are family and we have got each other’s back till eternity. Always and forever. Let us help you carry this burden Khione. Let us in. that’s all we are asking” they said eerily in their creepy combined voice. I want to… I really want to… I am just not ready yet and I can’t talk about it now.”

“It’s been five years Chaos! Five fucking years. I think we have waited long enough” Kiara’s dad roared angrily

“Five fucking years doesn’t make the pain hurt any less or the memories any different. I know you think five years is enough time to get over whatever my mate did or the circumstances around my death but this is even not about any of that.

I really wish it was because it would have been easier to deal with but it’s not. You may think you are feeling my pain but all you all are feeling is just the tip of the damn iceberg.

The pain and the rage build up each and every cursed day and I know I have to let loose before I explode and it’s easier said than done. That is why I need time.

Time, I know I don’t have to rein myself in. I need some semblance to a stable life and… and to focus on giving Sebastian the life he deserves. A normal childhood before he realizes the abnormalities and atrocities of this world”

“And we are going to be there; every step of the way with you. Whether you allow it or not; because that is what family does. We stick together no matter what. Always and forever” Lucas added softly. Determination and finality underlying his words.

I let out a long exhale to make them aware of the fact that they’ve won. With my eyes still closed, I asked quietly,

“So, what happens tomorrow?”

“Ooooh… its judgment day” Lucien replied cheerfully

Letting out a chuckle, I replied, “It’s about damn time. This shit has dragged on for far too long”

“With that been said, I say we all get some rest because tomorrow’s going to be a long ass day and Kiara get your slutty hand out of Matt’s pants.

You will need all the energy you are planning to replenish tomorrow darling” Lucien said slyly whiles wiggling his eyes at the couple who had blank looks on their faces.

So serious and blank that it was comical and the rest of us couldn’t help racking up.

‘Kiara Khorne!!! I did not raise you like this!” her father bellowed

“You were right father. You raised me much worse” she answered smugly eliciting another bout of laughter which her father and mate couldn’t help but join.