Chapter 28 – August 1987 to January 14, 1988: Part I

Despite our meticulous planning, it takes a few weeks to establish a routine, but we eventually find a rhythm, and Alex keeps her standing as an easy baby. Occasionally, Shannon stays a few hours, so Colin and I can sleep simultaneously.

"Shannon is more involved than I expected," I tell Tom over a chess game.

"That’s a good thing?"

I nod. "Neither of them seem to regret the adoption, and Shannon likes that she can contribute."

I smile. "That kid is going to be so smart. She’s constantly listening to the three of us read from textbooks. At this point, her first words will be 'Charles Frederick Worth'."

Tom laughs. "Enjoying the work so far?"

"Yeah. Marjorie lets me do a lot more than I expected. I feel like a powerful peon."

"Good. That’s as it should be. How's Colin?"

"He's taking fatherhood just a little too seriously. People think of the mother as being overprotective and the father as being the fun, laid-back parent. That is not the case with us. He's usually so good at staying in the present, but it’s as if he's looking at her future in a crystal ball, and he's worried he'll make a mistake in the first month that will completely change her trajectory."

"A lot of first-time parents feel that way."

I sigh and lean back. "It's different for us. We both had such wretched childhoods that it's easy to see how badly things can go wrong."

Tom looks up from the board, making eye contact.

Lost in the chess game, it takes me a moment to realize how much I’ve just revealed. I cover my mouth with my hand and rub my face, unable to decide what to say next.

"You’ve turned out okay," Tom says, breaking the tension.

I shrug. "Not really, if we're honest."

He cocks his head. "Oh?"

"When things are fine, I'm fine, but when they’re a mess, so am I. Things have gone well for a long time now… Maybe they'll stay that way."

An equal mix of pride and sadness overlay his eyes. "Maybe they will."

"Sorry, I'm not usually this talkative. I blame the sleep deprivation."

He moves a pawn. "You’re always welcome to talk, Ra'Shelle. Always."

***

The semester passes slowly, and I barely keep my perfect GPA. My work impresses Marjorie, and I enjoy applying what I’m learning in my classes to real-world experience. Tom’s definitely relieved when I finalize the paperwork ensuring I’ll return in the spring.

Colin's work often involves sketches or models of family life. His best sketch of the semester is of Alex and me sleeping, me protectively wrapped around her. When Alex’s fussy, he sings or reads to her, and, unsurprisingly, immediately calms her.

When the semester ends, we stay with Colin's father. Delighted to have a grandchild, Mr. Brown enjoys waking to feed the baby or playing with her during the day, allowing us to finally catch up on much needed sleep and alone time. The “guest” room now feels like home.

It’s the second Monday of January when the phone rings. "Can you answer that?" I call from the bathroom. "I'm already running late."

Colin sets The Grouchy Ladybug aside and holds squealing Alex against his hip. "Come on, girl, let's see who knows our number."

A few seconds later, he joins me in the bathroom, where I’m picking at my hair while stepping into shoes. "It's for you, and you're not going to like it," he says calmly.

"Who is it?"

"Daly."

I freeze, then roll my eyes before looking at my watch. "The bus comes in sixteen minutes. If I miss it, I'll have to take a cab to work. Let's make this quick."

I walk into the living room and pick up the phone as I sling my backpack over my shoulder. "Officer Daly, what can I do for you?"

"I’m wondering if you’ve reconsidered our conversation."

"I haven't."

"Williams retired last month, as planned. Migel Gomez is the new captain, and he's willing to request the ADA press charges, if you'll pursue it."

I smile at Colin who is mumbling to a happy Alex. I can’t describe how much I love this family. How natural it feels to be a wife and mother. All the fears I had tormented over two years ago now feel completely unfounded, almost ridiculous. I couldn’t have known that this was exactly what I wanted.

"Listen, I appreciate what you're trying to do,” I tell Daly, “but I just don't have it in me. I have a lot happening in my life. A lot of good things happening. I just don't have the energy to go after three guys with great lawyers for something that happened a decade ago. I'm sorry."

I hold the phone away from my ear as Daly coughs repeatedly. When the coughing finally ends, he clears his throat. "Sorry. I understand. I just wanted you to know it was still an option. Good luck with everything, Ra'Shelle. Really."

"Thanks. You too."

"Bye, Ra'Shelle."

"Bye, Daly." I hang up and look at my watch. "I can make it if I hurry." I kiss Alex on the forehead and peck Colin on the lips. "I'll see you two tonight."

"Have fun," Colin says as he sways Alex. "Say bye to Mommy."

***

Three days later, I’m dressed for work and playing with Alex on the floor. "Daddy will be home any minute, and then Mommy is going to work. Doesn't that sound fun?"

Alex laughs as she pushes over a tower of blocks.

"Uh oh. The blocks fell down!" I say with exaggerated gestures. "What will we do? I guess we'll build another one."

Keys turn in the lock, and Colin jogs in, dropping his bag on the floor. "Ra'Shelle, come quick. Something's happened."

I furrow my brow as I pick up Alex. "Let's go see what happened."

Colin walks behind me, leaving the suite door ajar. "The TV is on in the lounge."

With Alex's head resting on my shoulder, I follow Colin to the lounge to find more than a dozen students staring at the television.

"What's going on?" I ask, transferring Alex to Colin.

An older male newscaster is holding a sheet of paper. "In a breaking news story, Gabriel Stiedbeck, the twenty-eight-year-old son of former Congressman Joe Stiedbeck, was found dead in his apartment this morning. He was found by his estranged wife, Miranda Stiedbeck, when she was dropping off their two-year-old son. Police do not suspect foul play at this time. An anonymous source told the press that Mr. Stiedbeck hung himself from a doorknob. The police have not confirmed that report, and the family has not released a statement at this time. For those just joining us…"

I gesture to Colin, and we walk back to the suite. Colin lays Alex on her playmat, and Alex knocks blocks against the floor, making small sounds.

Colin wraps his arms around me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, but I don't really have time to process that right now. I'm working from noon to five today, so let me just deal with that first."

Colin squeezes me and rubs my back. "Call if you need me, okay?"

"I will, but don't worry about it."

He looks at Alex, and his tone becomes upbeat and happy. "How's our girl doing?"

"She's enjoying knocking over towers."

He smiles. "That’s her new favorite thing."

I pick up my backpack. "I'll be back around six unless Tom wants to play chess."

"As long as you're home by eight, we can eat caf’ food and not have to cook."

I kiss him sweetly. "Ah, priorities."