Chapter 27 – May to August 1987

The summer flies by. The LFI assignments are dull, but simple, and I love growing our savings. I convince myself to take both accounting classes, securing my business major, despite hating every minute of the classes.

As promised, Kari delivers more than a dozen boxes of baby clothes and accessories. When she brings the crib at the end of July, Colin and I stand over it, staring into our future.

Fingernails tap my door in early August. “Ra'Shelle, are you home? There’s someone I want you to meet.” Shannon’s voice.

I slip on my shoes before opening the door. Standing next to Shannon is a tall, young man with long hair resembling a still river on a cloudless night. His dark eyes and small smile pull me in like a story I need to hear.

“Oh, good, you’re home!” Shannon squeals. “I want you to meet Deere. I call him Dear Deere.”

I shake the man’s hand. “And how do you feel about that nickname?”

He chuckles. “I only tolerate it from Shannon.”

“Well, you are a dear. You’re a dear friend.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Ra'Shelle,” he says.

Shannon points at him while looking at me. “Dear Deere is visiting with his boyfriend, Raul, before they return to college for their senior year. They’re both pursuing degrees in social work from the University of British Columbia.”

“That’s impressive,” I comment, but Deere slowly shakes his head.

“I wanted you two to meet,” Shannon continues, “because he’s partly responsible for the adoption. When I told him I was pregnant, he recommended that I find a couple I already knew to adopt the baby, instead of giving it to strangers through an agency. He’s also the one that reminded us that Savannah’s dad–Savannah’s a mutual friend–is a lawyer who could draw up the papers. When I started thinking about couples who I thought would make good parents, you and Colin were it.”

I smile. “It sounds like I’m in your debt.”

“No debt at all,” he says. “When she told me about you and your husband, I was just glad that I helped guide her to the right people.”

Shannon simpers. “It’s actually a bit ironic that this is how it worked out. The three of us were all adopted. That’s how Deere and Derek know one another. They met at one of those socializing event things that adoptive parents attend with their kids, and it was the first thing Derek and I bonded over.”

For the first time, Deere takes his eyes off of me and directs his stare at Shannon. “We don’t need to talk about that.” His voice is calm, but there’s an edge that makes me straighten.

“I’m just saying,” Shannon shrugs, “unintentionally, we’ve continued the cycle.”

Deere inhales a slow, deep breath before turning back to me, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Actually,” I contribute, “Colin and I already talked about adopting. I think this would have happened, regardless of timing.”

Deere smiles slightly. “That’s nice to hear.”

His smile grows, but I can see something inexplicable behind it. “I bet you always try to do the right thing, even when it’s complicated, even when it’s hard.”

I shrug and think of Tom’s words. “There’s so much pain and cruelty in the world; I don’t want to contribute to it.” I return the smile. “I hope I’m making things better, even if it’s only in my corner.”

Deere blinks quickly. “I’m happy I was able to meet you, Ra'Shelle.”

He extends his hand, and I shake it again. “I’m sure you’ll be a great mom, and good luck with the semester. You deserve good things.”

***

Classes resume August 17, and I begin my internship that afternoon, officially ending my independent contractor status. Marjorie takes the carton of finished work and hands me a thick three-ring binder. "Here's everything you need to know about the Creative Design Department. Finish reading it by Thursday, and come back for your first real assignment."

I take the binder with me to Tom's office and set up the board for our fourteenth chess game, of which I’ve won nine.

"Still no baby?" he asks as he moves his queen.

"No, and Shannon is pissed. She's had a tough time the last few weeks anyway, but her due date was Friday, and she thought she was going to have the baby before the semester started."

"What does the doctor say?"

"To give it a few more days. If she doesn't go into labor by the weekend, they'll induce. In the meantime, she's miserable, and she and Derek argue all the time.”

“Hopefully, that’ll settle down after the birth."

I move my rook. "What's Kari's middle name?"

"Rosemary. Kari Rosemary. Kids teased her a lot when she was younger. Why?"

"We're still debating middle names. I was adamant that the first name be something easy to spell and pronounce. I love my name for me, but I hate constantly having to spell it for people. I don't want to do that to my kid."

"Have the first name worked out?"

"Alex for a girl and Marcus for a boy."

"Alex Dawson? Marcus Dawson? I like it."

I shake my head. "Oh, no, it'll be Alex or Marcus Brown. I want our kid to have Colin’s last name. I just didn't change mine."

He cocks his head. "Why not?"

I shake my foot and look at the board. "I wanted my dad to be able to find me, if he ever wanted to. I know that’s dumb, especially now that it’s moot."

"Hey." His voice is low, gentle.

I look up.

"It's not dumb. It's hopeful. That's a good trait to pass on."

I smile. "Thanks." I look at the board again. "Three moves."

He knocks over his king. "I guess you're free to go."

"You know, someone in Creative Design told me that you're nationally ranked."

He clears his throat. "Not very high."

I grin. "Well, don't tell them about your multiple losses with your intern. They might knock you off the list."

He laughs. "Or add you to it."

I chortle. "No thanks. I'll take my quiet life sans rankings and spotlights."

"I'll see you soon, yes?"

"Thursday."

***

When I return home, I immediately open the binder, and I’m reading page fifty-two of 348 when a frantic knock pleads for my attention. I open the door to find Shannon panicking and breathing quickly. "The cab will be here in a couple of minutes. Are you coming with me?"

"Absolutely. I’ll call the library from the hospital."

I quickly scribble a note to Colin and tape it to the desk. "Let's go."

***

The birth happens quickly. Derek holds Shannon’s hand and I dab her forehead. Colin rushes into the room during the final push.

"I almost missed it? Damn."

I pat his shoulder. "Not your fault, babe. I’ve never seen a birth that fast."

Derek leans over and kisses Shannon's forehead. "Are you okay?"

“Yeah, but thank God it was fast."

The nurse brings over the swaddled baby. "Who's holding this little girl first?"

Derek holds out his arms. "I am."

Colin and I glance at one another as Derek carefully positions the baby against his body. "Hey, girl, it’s Derek."

He’s quiet for a very long time, and I barely breathe. "I just wanted to see you, and touch you, and hold you, and tell you that you are going to live with the coolest, most compatible couple I know."

I smile and exhale, relief flooding my body.

Derek holds the child for several minutes, slowly swaying her against him. "I can’t offer much now, but we'll hang out sometime, okay?" He waits for an impossible response. "Cool."

He looks from me to Colin. "Thank you guys. I've had a tough time adjusting to the whole, ya know, giving up my kid thing. Didn't really think it’d go down like that, ya know?"

Colin nods. "Yeah, man, we do."

Derek swallows. "But watching you guys over the last year, well…" he looks at Shannon. "She chose well."

He passes the baby to Shannon, who holds her tenderly.

Shannon smiles. "You are the cutest, most fragile thing I have ever seen in my life. You look pretty good too, girl. I was worried that you'd have too many toes or something, but no. Other than your face being a little squished, you look good. I'll be around because I have the good stuff."

I take a quick breath, suddenly remembering those words for the first time in a long time.

C'mon, Florence. I just need ten minutes with her. I have the good stuff. You want the good stuff, right? It’s yours for just ten minutes.

A chill runs down my spine, but I shake my head, forcing my full attention to stay in this beautiful moment. Colin places his hand on my back and strokes me with his thumb.

I hope my smile reaches my eyes. "She's beautiful. You did good, Shannon."

Shannon smiles. "You two decide on a name yet?"

I look at Colin for final confirmation. "Alex Rosemary Brown."

Shannon looks at the baby. "Alex?… Alex. Yeah. She looks like an Alex, doesn't she?"

"She does," I say.

Shannon holds her for a few minutes in silence. Once Alex begins to fall asleep, Shannon hands her to me. "Your turn."

I take the baby and sit in the rocking chair in the corner of the room. Colin leans over us.

"Okay, Colin," I whisper, "quietly."

He grins and rubs my shoulder. As I rock, Colin kneels next to Alex and begins to sing in as close to a whisper as he can. "Isn't she lovely? Isn't she wonderful? Isn't she precious? Less than one minute old. I never thought through love we'd be making one as lovely as she. But isn't she lovely? Made from love."

He touches his finger to Alex's hand, and she grasps it tightly before falling asleep.

***

Kari drives us back to the dorm. She carries a box, while Colin carries the car seat, and I hold Alex.

"Well, that's the last of it, guys," Kari says as she sets the empty box on the couch. Now you have a car seat."

"Thanks again, Kari," Colin says, as he sets the seat in the closet.

"She looks like she's going to be a really good baby, doesn't she?" Kari asks, looking over my shoulder.

I grin. "Yeah."

Kari places her hand on my shoulder. There’s a maternal intention in her touch, almost as if she’s staring at her grandchild. "Do you need anything?"

"No. Shannon fed her right before we left, and we have formula until she arrives home tomorrow. We have plenty of cloth diapers, clothes, and everything else, almost entirely thanks to you.”

"You did me the favor by taking all that junk out of my house."

Kari grins. "Oh. I'm such a doofus. I can't believe I forgot to ask. What's her name?"

Colin returns to the living room. "Alex Rosemary Brown."

Kari chuckles. "What a coincidence. My–"

Colin cuts her off gently. "It's not a coincidence, Kari. We thought about my grandmother's name, Loretta, but she died nearly fifteen years ago, and you've helped us tremendously in the past three months. Kari Rosemary might have caused some teasing, but Alex Rosemary won't."

He smiles at her. "You're her namesake."

Kari places her hands over her heart. "You guys, I really don't know what to say. I mean, I just gave you crap that was filling up my house."

"No,” I say, “you comforted me on one of my worst nights. You and Tom completely supported us, despite other people judging us for being too young or unprepared. No matter what happens, I'll never regret giving her your name."

Kari smiles and wipes away a few tears. "You guys, that's really, really sweet… Alex Rosemary. Oh, it sounds much better on her than it did on me. Maybe I should change my name to Kari Loretta."

Colin laughs. "Feel free."

"Well, I'll leave the three of you alone, but if you need anything, call us."

Colin escorts her to the door. "Thanks, Kari. We will."

He strolls into the kitchen to prepare bottles. "Did you panic when Derek wanted to hold her?"

"Straight up. You?"

"Oh, yeah. I thought that was it."

I gently bounce Alex in my arms. "His little speech was sweet though."

"Unexpectedly so."

"We won the award for 'most compatible couple', so that's something."

Colin chuckles. "Yeah… Shannon triggered you back there. You okay?"

"I'm fine. I shook it off."

He returns with the bottle; I take it from him and start feeding Alex. "What an easy kid."

"It's too early to say that."

"Well, she's doing well so far." I yawn. "Go change, and then we'll switch."

He begins undressing on his way to the bedroom and emerges a few minutes later wearing boxers and a t-shirt. "Your turn, babe."

Colin sits down on the couch and places a burping cloth on his shoulder. I carefully pass Alex to him. "Come here, sweetness," he says. "Let's see if you're as well-behaved for me as you are for your mom."

I kiss the top of his head. "You look good with a baby in your arms."

"Thanks. Go change. Let's see how well we can time this."

I wink as I begin to undress. "Fine, fine, fine."

I walk into the bathroom to brush my teeth, and I know he’s watching me through the doorway as I walk around naked, searching for pajamas, a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth.

"Your mom is adorable,” I hear him say to Alex. “I love you both so much."

I emerge in a camisole and shorts. "Ready?"

"There she is, with her beautiful legs and soft shoulders."

I chuckle. "C'mon, Romeo."

Softly rocking Alex in his arms, he walks to the bedroom and cautiously places her in the crib. “Sleep well, sweetheart. We'll see you in a little bit.'

Alex stirs but doesn’t cry.

"Go, go, go," I whisper, as we silently sprint to the bed and slip under the sheet.

"There are two bottles in the fridge," Colin whispers. "You're taking the first shift, right?"

"Yes. You can sleep, handsome."

He leans against me and presses a passionate kiss on my lips. "I love you, Ra'Shelle. I really, really do."

I wrap my arms around him. "I love you, too, Colin. Now, go to sleep, love."

Already falling asleep, he mumbles, “Our lives will never be the same.”