Chapter 383 A LETTER FOR HIM

Chapter 383 A LETTER FOR HIM
ACE’S POV

As the doctor announces the outcomes of the surgery, I slowly detach from the group, watching their faces light up for only a moment before something even darker takes over.

But I don’t stay long.

I don’t dare stay with them in their moments of grief or offer words of encouragement, not when I haven’t been there for everything they’ve had to face.

I don’t deserve to sit in their presence of lament with any of them, not especially Artemis or Jasper.

I was a shitty friend, I probably still am.

I haven’t gotten over my jealousy or my issues. I couldn’t be there for them even if I wanted to, but I at least wanted to show up and apologize, at least to Sera, for everything I did.

I wish I could do more, be better.

Perhaps in the future, when so much isn’t happening, perhaps one day I could have the courage to face each of them and apologize properly.

I walk to a corner, resting against the wall, wanting to be alone before I read the letter from Kamila.

She’s never written to me, and I never bothered either, knowing she wouldn’t have read it if at all they reached her. Knowing she wanted nothing more to do with me.

Yet, I feel nothing but excitement and fear, my hands shake while I carefully unwrap the folded paper, taking deep breaths with zero expectations.

I hope she’s okay, yet I can’t shake off the twisting feeling in my gut.

'Dear Ace,

I went through an old picture album recently and found myself reminiscing about the past, which isn’t like me. I've always believed there was no point in looking back to regret or to ponder on what could have been. Yet, I have so much regret, so much I wish I had taken the time to reflect on. I realize now that none of the things I’ve accomplished were truly my dreams, but rather, they were things I thought would earn me the love and acceptance from my father. I thought I could live with myself even after I hurt so many people, even when I hurt you and broke your heart…'

A single tear falls from my eyes, making me aware of the wetness in my eyes and the heaviness in my chest. I don't know why I'm crying, why I'm suddenly so overwhelmed by her regrets. It makes no sense at all.

'...it took a while for me to realize that I was wrong and that my father's love wasn't something I needed, that I would be fine on my own without it. I realized it all too late. The weight of this realization crushes me, with the bitter knowledge that there's no turning back, no undoing the hurt I've inflicted. I've drafted this letter seven times, attempting to find the perfect words to convey my regret, but I've settled on speaking directly from my heart, however flawed, hoping you'll understand.

I was right… in this life, we weren’t meant to be together - the alpha's daughter destined for another, and a boy of lower standing. Yet, in another life, I dream you would climb through my window once more, whisking me away into the night, far from my father's oppressive grip. I dream you would teach me to love, to love you properly, to hold me in a way that makes me never wish to leave your embrace.

My only wish before I depart this world is that you never forget me and that you find it in your heart to forgive my cruelty. The realization that it's too late for us, that even the Moon Goddess seemed against the idea of us being mates, fills me with an enduring resentment towards her for denying us our chance to prove her wrong.

And now, as I face the end, I understand that I’m probably going to hell. It sucks a little, knowing that anyone who ever whispers my name will recall me as the girl who was unlovable, vile, and wicked. But despite the dark fate that awaits me, my thoughts linger on you, on the hope that perhaps, in another life, we could find each other again.

Goodbye.'

More tears fall on her note, on the small corner where an imprint of her small lips is pressed, and where I bring mine to kiss.

An emptiness that has been subtle for months engulfs me, and my chest hurts painfully.

I slide down the wall slowly, crouching down, pressing her little notes of regret close to my heart, tilting my head downwards as a wave of uncontrollable sobs takes over me.

She had hoped that I would understand, and I do… how could I not?

Somehow, I knew there was no way she'd write to me unless she was taking her last breath, and she had…

She had left me, thinking I hated her, or she had a reason to ever apologize when there was none, when I had never held it against her for who she was because I always understood.

I always loved her, and I always will.