Chapter 159 NOT THAT KIND OF LOVE

Chapter 159 NOT THAT KIND OF LOVE
Don't hit him.”

Julian's furious gaze shifted to Anton.

“He drugged Eli, he kissed my—”

“I know. But he's my responsibility, and I will clean up the mess he made, I don't want you to hit him.”

Julian's breathing was ragged.

For several long seconds, neither of them moved.

Then...

Julian released Damien's throat.

Damien rubbed his neck, coughing lightly. A bitter smile tugged at his lips.

“You really do listen to him. Glad to know it's not one-sided.”

Neither Julian nor Anton answered.

Anton looked toward Julian. “Can you give me a minute?”

Julian frowned. “Anton—”

“Please.”

Another long silence.

Finally Julian exhaled. “Don't take too long.”

He cast Damien one murderous look before walking out of the room, the door shutting behind him.

Damien stared after him.

“So even now… he trusts you.”

Anton dragged over a chair and sat opposite him.

Neither of them spoke. The silence stretched, heavy and painful.

At last Anton broke it.

“Look at me.”

Damien kept staring at the floor.

“I said… look at me.”

Slowly, Damien raised his head.

Anton sighed. “I'm sorry.”

Damien blinked. “What?”

“I should've noticed. I should've seen what was happening. I thought I was being nice to you, I didn't realize I was hurting you. I let you hope. And that's my fault.”

Damien laughed, a broken sound.

“Don't.” His eyes reddened. “Don't apologize. You'll only make this harder.”

“Harder than what?”

Damien swallowed. “Harder than hating you.”

Anton quietly asked,

“What happened to you, Damien? You were so free when it comes to telling me how you feel, why wait this long before telling me how my actions affected you?”

“What happened?” Damien stared at him for several seconds, then he laughed again. “You happened.”

Anton's expression tightened.

“I was fine. I had accepted my life, Julian got me as debt payment from my monster of a stepfather so I knew I was supposed to serve him my whole life, and I was okay with that. Then you bought me.”

Damien smiled faintly.

“I thought I was being sold to another monster. I thought I'd spend the rest of my life getting beaten by someone else, but you pulled me up when I fell and told me to be careful. You let me roam freely in your estate and it felt like paradise. We got so close, my immature heart started to feel so special. When I told you, you said I am special. And from there, you never stopped me. We went from eating together to eating each other. Our first was in the den. That day after training, I was panting and couldn't stop staring at your sweaty chest and abs. I slowly leaned in and you didn't stop me. I gave you an amateur kiss and you pulled me into an open mouth kiss like you were showing me the real deal, and you didn't stop with just kissing… you actually didn't stop until you were pumping my guts full of your cum while I'm pressed against the boxing ring. It was my first time, full of pain and pleasure, and my heart felt so proud to have pleased you. I didn't know you thought it casual, my heart was involved. It started hurting when I started feeling entitled to your presence but you were barely home because you were always with Julian.”

Anton stared at him, “I am truly sorry, I shouldn't have crossed that boundary. I didn't know you were that attached.”

Damien continued,

“Back then I wasn't even so angry about you not choosing me, I was angry about Julian clearly not choosing you back. You were always looking at him, and he was always looking at someone else. I remember when he had one annoying girlfriend, I could have killed her if you said anything about hating her.

Anton felt guilt consuming him. “I didn't know my Damien got that crazy.”

Damien chuckled. “I've been this crazy about you since that day at the den. Just tell me you love me, I know it'd be a lie but times without numbers I've fantasized about your voice saying that to me. I'd spend the rest of my life serving you, I would be your slave and I would smile doing it. All you have to do… is say the words.”

Anton inhaled slowly, pain crossing his face.

“It's my fault. I should've seen this sooner, I should've stopped you from hoping, I should've drawn a line. I didn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for causing you so much pain. And most of all, I'm sorry for crossing that boundary. When I took you from Julian, I felt you were fragile for the world you've been brought to, I just wanted to take you away from his raging storm. I trained you because I wanted you to always be capable of defending yourself. I took you in as a godson, I'm sorry for ruining you instead.”

Damien shook his head violently. “No. No. Say it. Just once. Tell me you love me. I'll let Eli go, I swear. Tell me, please.”

Anton looked directly into his eyes. “No. I don't love you like that, and you already knew that.”

Damien closed his eyes, but tears escaped anyway.

Anton continued softly, “but it hurts me… to see you destroy yourself like this.”

Damien covered his face. His shoulders shook.

Anton moved closer, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“You were never just another subordinate. You were family. I trusted you, I depended on you, I was proud of you, I wanted you alive, you mattered— you still matter. I just…” 

His own voice faltered.

“...could never love you the way you wanted. I'm sorry about the sex, if I knew you thought it more than casual, I wouldn't have done it.”

That finally broke Damien. His legs gave out beneath him, and he collapsed onto his knees.

His forehead hit the floor. “I'm sorry…”

His voice dissolved into sobs.

“I'm sorry… I'm sorry…”

Anton gently rested a hand on Damien's head, stroking his hair the same way he always did after difficult missions.

The familiar gesture only made Damien cry harder.

After a long moment, Anton asked quietly,

“Where's Eli?”

Damien swallowed. “I tried to stop him. I thought if I blocked his car, he'd stop. But he wasn't paying attention. He crashed. When I went to pull him out of the wreckage, he seemed unconscious. I thought he was dying. I panicked and called a doctor I know. The doctor told me to bring him to his house.”

He took a shaky breath.

“Matteo was there. He asked me to hand Eli over, he said he could use him to force Julian to surrender the company.”

Anton listened without interrupting.

Damien continued,

“I owed Matteo a favor. And…” His voice cracked again. “I thought… if Eli disappeared, you'd finally have Julian to yourself. I thought, for once, I'd be giving you something that would make you happy.”

Anton closed his eyes.

When he opened them again, there was only sadness.

“Damien, the only thing that would've made me happy was having all three of you safe.”

Damien broke all over again. His forehead pressed harder against the floor.

“I'll fix it. I swear. I'll bring him back, I'll bring Eli home. Please… Please let me fix what I messed up.”