Chapter 158 RECKLESS FEELINGS

Chapter 158 RECKLESS FEELINGS
Julian stared at Anton, not knowing what to say. He felt angry but not sure what exactly was making him angry; was it Anton's recklessness? Or the fact that Eli was now in danger because of that recklessness? Or maybe he just didn't like the thought of Anton doing anything sexual with Damien. His jaw remained clenched.

Neither of them spoke.

The silence stretched until Julian finally broke it.

“Why?”

Anton looked up.

Julian's eyes were no longer red from crying. Now they burned.

“Why did you let it get that far?”

Anton frowned. “What do you mean?”

“You know exactly what I mean.” Julian stepped closer. “You knew Damien had those feelings for you.”

Anton didn't answer.

“You knew.”

“I…”

“You knew. You always notice those kinds of things. Unlike me, you notice when someone looks at you a second too long. You can't tell me you didn't know Damien was that crazy about you.

Anton slowly lowered his eyes. “I suspected.”

Julian laughed. It wasn't amusement, it sounded tired.

“You suspected? You let him believe he mattered.”

Anton frowned. “I never promised him anything.”

“No?” Julian's voice sharpened. “You trained together, you always paired him with yourself, you ate together, you travelled together, you slept beside campfires together during operations, you patched him up yourself whenever he got hurt, you trusted him more than everyone else. If all that wasn't out of line enough, you fucked him.” Julian looked directly into Anton's eyes. “And you never once wondered what all of that looked like to someone who loved you?”

Anton swallowed. “I thought…”

“You thought what?”

“...that it was harmless.”

Julian stared.

Anton rubbed the back of his neck.

“I thought it was just closeness. You know how we all are; we throw arms over shoulders, we hug, we sleep wherever exhaustion drops us, we treat to boost performance, we are family. And for him, he was working for you at your worst and that affected his behavior on the wrong side, so I tried to fix him up a little. I never thought he'd…”

Julian cut him off. “Did you ever stop him?”

Anton froze.

Julian immediately noticed. “Anton.”

Anton remained silent.

“You didn't.”

Anton looked away. “There were moments…”

Julian waited.

“...when he crossed lines, before the sex.”

“And?”

“I should've stopped it.”

“You didn't.”

Anton shook his head. “No.”

“Why? Why did you even fuck him? I'm struggling to see the reason you did that.”

“He was lusting. Begging for it with every chance he got, and I just gave it to him. I thought,” he sighed. “I thought it was a passing thing. I thought eventually he'd move on.”

Julian stared at him in disbelief. “So instead of rejecting him properly, you let him keep hoping.”

Anton shut his eyes. “I didn't mean to."

Julian scoffed. “You didn't mean to? He just told us he'd have spent his entire life following you. He would've died for you. And you're telling me… you thought he'd simply wake up one morning and lose those feelings? He's been obviously crazy about you and you thought he'd suddenly stop?”

Anton had no answer.

Julian looked away. His voice became quieter. “You used him.”

Anton flinched. “I didn't.”

“You did. You leaned on him whenever you needed another pair of hands, you let him believe he was special, you gave him pieces of yourself— but never enough.” Julian sighed. “And now, my husband could be in danger because you couldn't draw a line.”

The words landed harder than anything else.

Anton lowered his head. “You're right.”

Julian finally sat back on the edge of the bed. He rubbed his face.

Neither of them spoke.

Almost a minute passed.

Then Julian lowered his hands. “There was something else.”

Anton looked up.

Julian's expression had changed to less anger, more confusion.

“When Damien said…” he hesitated. “About you loving me. Do you really?”

Anton immediately answered. “He was talking nonsense.’

Julian looked straight at him. “My direct question deserves a direct answer.”

Anton's throat tightened. For the first time in years… he couldn't hide. His shoulders slowly fell.

“Yes.”

Julian blinked. “What?”

Anton laughed weakly. “I mean, if that's what love is… then yes.”

He paused for a beat, before saying:

“I love you.”

Julian didn't move.

Anton continued quietly. “I would've said there's no way you didn't know, but you're terrible with these things. So now I understand.” A faint smile appeared on Anton's face. “Damien is right. Brothers don't kiss like that, brothers don't look at each other like that, brothers don't spend every waking moment together because they simply enjoy breathing the same air.”

Julian remained completely frozen.

Anton looked down. “I'd do anything for you. I'm your shadow, always with you even in the dark where no one can see. I've stood behind you for years, I've watched you lose your mind, and I've watched you build yourself back together. I've celebrated every victory, I've mourned every loss, and I've never once wished I was somewhere else." His voice trembled. “I love you. Far more than I love myself. And it's true Damien didn't have a chance because of you, I ignore all else for you. And you also never stopped me from kissing you, you never stopped me from seeking pleasure from you or baring myself for your pleasure. That night I told you ‘friends don't do this’ and you said to me ‘but it feels good’ yes, it feels so damn good and you like it.”

Another long silence.

Julian looked completely lost.

Anton gave a tiny, nervous smile. “Well… now you know.”

He folded his arms.

“And don't just sit there. Say something.”

Julian stared at the floor. “I'm thinking.”

Anton waited.

“I don't know what to say, Anton. I think we've been too carefree.”

Anton didn't say anything in response, he just nodded.

Then Julian suddenly lifted his head, his eyes sharpened.

“Call Damien.”

Anton frowned. “What?”

“We'll deal with us later. My husband is still missing.”

Anton immediately pulled out his phone and called.

The call connected almost instantly.

Damien answered before either of them spoke.

“Anton.”

Anton interrupted him. “You wanted to hear me say I love you? Tell me where you are. I'll come, I'll say it to your face, and you'll hand Eli over.”

Damien laughed softly. “You think I'm stupid. You aren't coming to confess, you're coming to punish me for messing with your beloved’s love.”

Anton spoke calmly. “You know I won't hurt you. Just tell me where you are.”

Damien was quiet for several seconds.

Then...

“The place where I recorded that video. The club. My club. I've owned it for three years.” He let out a bitter laugh. “You never knew, because you were too busy cleaning up after your beloved.”

Anton closed his eyes. “I'm coming. Don't do anything reckless.”

He ended the call.

Julian was already halfway to the bedroom door.

Anton hurried after him. “I don't think it's a good idea for you to come.”

Julian didn't even slow down. “The good idea would've been your idiot not putting his hands on my husband.”

They descended the stairs almost side by side.

Julian's voice echoed through the house. “I'm going to beat the life out of him.”

Anton lengthened his stride to keep up. “Please. No anger. We need to get back Eli first.”

Julian didn't answer.

______

The nightclub looked almost peaceful in daylight. The dance floor was empty, only soft music drifted through the speakers, a few customers occupied the bar, muted conversation came from the casino.

Anton led the way without hesitation. They walked past the hallway, past the bathrooms, past the VIP rooms… until they got to a heavy black door with a ‘RESTRICTED’ sign on the door.

Anton pushed it open.

Damien sat alone inside. A whiskey glass rested in one hand, he didn't look surprised.

His eyes moved past Anton… to Julian.

A faint smile appeared. “I knew you'd bring him.”

Julian scanned the room. No Eli.

His voice turned cold. “Where's Eli?”

Damien ignored the question. Instead, he looked only at Anton.

“I knew… you'd choose him again. Why? What's so special about him? You would be much more powerful on your own, why stay glued to him?”

Julian crossed the room in three strides, having zero patience for the unnecessary talk, his hand closed around Damien's throat.

The whiskey glass shattered on the floor.

Julian drew back his fist, about to land a punch on Damien’s face, but before it could fall…

Anton caught his wrist.

“Don't hit him.”