SHAMELESS

SHAMELESS
One notable quality about the man is how much he takes care of himself. That fact doesn’t hide, seeing how clear his skin is, and how thick his hair looks despite his age. He has a few gray hairs, but that doesn’t change his looks from years ago.

As his eyes go down on me, mine does so on his body as well. That’s how I notice he’s merely putting on a pair of satin black fitted shorts and a free top to match. And his exposed limbs would have slowly seeped away my reality if his voice hadn’t snapped me awake.

“Do you ever only wear hoodies?” he asks, making a small gesture to point at me.

I look down at my sneakers before analyzing the elastic hem of my pants. Aside from the convention and a few other places I’ve gone to, I mostly wear a fit alike this one. For Blank to know that, he must have seen it while browsing through the internet for information about me. Or he might have come to that conclusion after seeing that I also wore this to the meeting yesterday.

“What does that have to do with anything?” I ask blandly.

Blank covers the space between us and picks up my rolling bag in one simple lift. I struggled with that bag earlier, but now it doesn’t seem like a big deal for him.

Hazmat staff crawl out of the garage. About three of them. One points me forward to follow Blank, and I do.

Inside the house is engulfed with Blank’s scent. And there are a few jewelries of his littered about. On side and center stools. On the kitchen counter. On the TV console. Hell, even in the sitting room couch.

This looks like a house he’d been full-on staying. It’s not like a place he came to live in only recently like the company made me believe.

They said they would cover our accommodation. But it seems I’m staying in Blank’s house instead.

While I’m still standing around in the sitting room, Blank returns after having disappeared for some time.

“I put your bag in your room. You can unpack it later,” he tells me, jerking his thumb backward at an archway leading into the hallway of rooms.

I sigh instead after summoning some courage. “Be sincere, Blank, is this your house?”

The man nods without hesitation. “It is.”

“You should have mentioned it.”

“If I did, would you have come?”

“It makes no difference. It all rounds up to one thing; your presence—whether it’s your house or not.” Defeated, the man doesn’t reply, so I shift to my next curiosity. “I have another question. You’ve hidden your identity for so long; you were alive, but you hid it, why?”

Blank creases his brows as if confused. “I—”

“I know who you are now,” I cut in. “You told me I would find out your real name at your artwork reveal.”

Blank huffs a brief smile while reaching forward to lean on a couch. “When I said that, I thought a series of events would happen that would trigger the exposure of my real identity, but it didn’t.”

“What series of events are you talking about?”

“Mellow taking action.”

“What action?” They say curiosity kills the cat, but I’m willing to step on the knife if I must.

“It has nothing to do with you,” Blank utters. I’m a bit offended by that response as he adds, “I didn’t know a girl of this generation would know me.”

I huff. “It’s not like you disappeared from the internet even after your ‘death’. After all, you were once a well-known world wide billionaire.”

“I wouldn’t know. I’m not an internet person.”

Blank’s trying to get aunt Mellow’s attention, I’m sure of that.

From what I know, aunt Mellow doesn’t have a phone anymore. He must have called to no avail. And to make things worst, Dad installed high profile security around her, so she can only be contacted through the home telephone, which is only known to him and his other kids.

If what I’m thinking is true, did Blank bring me here as part of his plan—to get dad’s attention and, in the process, aunt Mellow’s?

“Who are you right now; Blank or Christopher?” I can’t help but ask. I need to at least know who I’m speaking with.

“You came here to meet Blank, isn’t it?” the man responds, but the answer is even more less satiating.

“So, for how long do you plan to use me, Christopher?” I ask anyways. If the man won’t tell me who exactly he is right now, I may as well just come to a conclusion myself. “If you invited me here as Blank, you should have done so in a more professional manner. But it seems it’s Christopher who brought me here, which brings me to another question. Knowing you would go through such lengths for your lover’s attention, why did you disappear, why then did you spend twenty years hiding?”

I want to also know how he’s alive. But I figured that may not be a topic to bring up, as its answer could carry the heavy weights of trauma.

Blank moves to sits on a couch, urging me to do so as well by jerking his head at another couch across him.

I obey without hesitation.

“I never got on the plane,” is the first thing he mentions when I’m well seated. That alone grips my attention. “I booked the plane and checked in, but never boarded it because I was too scared. Firstly, I wanted to run away from Mellow. It became too painful staying by her side any longer, especially as she loved another man. Secondly, I also needed to run away from my fiancee. I had found out about everything she was doing, so I suspected danger, which was why I crafted the will and disappeared. I couldn’t face anything. I was a coward. However, at the airport, I purposefully delayed entering the plane. I just couldn’t go ahead. And I badly wanted to drag Mellow with me. Drag her far from Saltusa’s grip. But I knew she would not agree. I couldn’t tell her about Saltusa either because I thought it would only put her in more danger. If only I knew Saltusa was more despicable than I perceived her to be, to the point she even went as far as crashing my plane just so she could eliminate me. It was later, after the plane had moved, that I heard the plane had crashed. Due to that, I ripped a page out of Mellow’s book and decided to play dead. I also thought that would be the best way to let Saltusa spread all her cards on the table and get caught publicly. I only now feel more sorry for those onboard the plane who died for my sake. I feel like their blood is on my hands.”

Blank grows silent as wriggles his fingers while looking down at them. I myself am speechless, so I just watch him until he adds, “Last year, I realized I had hidden enough.” His head rises as his eyes connect mine, trapping my gaze that instant. “I may be determined to find Mellow, Nectar, but I’m not using you. Some months ago, I saw your talents and started wishing to create something raw and pure with you. Inviting you here has nothing to do with me wanting Mellow to find me.”

I nod continuously. His long speech earlier has drained all the energy in my system. But the speech also made me curious about some things.

“Do you have trauma from the plane incident?” I ask.

Blank shakes his head negatively. “There’s only guilt. Ripping, tilling feeling of guilt.”

“And do you still love aunt Mellow?” I query immediately as if losing time.

Blank tilts his head to the side, completely taken aback by the question. He huffs. “Should I hate her?”

“Just answer the damn question!” I suddenly raise my voice. Even my heart starts beating harder than it already was.

“Why are you so worked up?” Blank queries softly. It’s only then I realize I’m going overboard.

“Point me to the bathroom,” I utter while leaping out of the couch.

“Enter the hallway. The third room by your right is yours.”

“Don’t leave,” I order following Blank’s direction. In the bathroom, I wash my face and try to relax. Then I return to the sitting room and lean against the threshold of the archway, folding my heads across my chest. “When you said you knew of someone who was once in bondage, did you mean aunt Mellow?” I ask again, prompting a nod from Blank. “Then did you see me like her, like another broken piece that needs repairing?”

Blank shift forward the edge of the couch. Since the archway is at his back, he turn so he can see me. “You’re not a broken piece, Nectar.”

“But I am,” I insist with a firm nod.

Blank’s intense stare pierces through my eyes as he disagrees. “You’re not.”

The only thing I can do now is sigh. Whether he thinks I’m a broken piece or not rests completely on his actions. But, for now, I think I need to satisfy one craving of mine.

“Can I hug you?” I mutter out of the blue. Blank raises his brows, probably at the shock of the question.

Is he wondering how bold I am to ask of such thing from him? Well, if only he knew it took me a lot of courage to say that. Today, I decided to find the word ‘shameless’ in my dictionary.