CHAPTER THIRTY — FRAGMENTED

She automatically touched her neck when the guy let go of her. She gasped for air. Her knees buckled and she fell to the floor sitting. She was coughing hard.

The guy squatted beside her. “This is the price you need to pay for being alive, Elaine.”

She was slowly drifting off, but she heard what he said. In a blink of an eye, she saw flashes of images and noises burst through.

“This is the price you need to pay for turning your back on your father, Elaine!”

“Die! Die!”

Elaine went still. Her whole body trembled in fear. She couldn’t tell where the fear that was creeping in her chest was coming from, or when it would end.

***

August 18, 2017.

Quezon City, Philippines.

Elaine can’t help smiling while holding the pregnancy test kits and the result from the OB-GYN close to her chest. After almost every month of testing, she finally got two lines!

She was four weeks pregnant. She used three different test kits from three different brands to make sure that she won't get a false test result. That same day, she went for a check-up, and she just got her result.

They have already planned it together with Macon, Drew and Mang Chito. When the result is confirmed, they will surprise Tan. Elaine knew more than anyone else, how happy her husband will be when he hears the news. Tan is very fond of kids. His social media accounts are filled with photographs of his nephews and nieces from his cousins. Pictures of her were added of the two of them together few months ago. Tan’s parents would also be happy. They have been whining for grandchildren—twins, even—for several months now because they say they’re not getting any younger.

Elaine kept the pregnancy test kits and ultrasound inside a box. When Tan arrived home from a medical mission in Cordillera next week, she would immediately tell him the good news over a candlelit dinner at home. She could hardly wait.

She wore her seat belt. She was about to start her car when an old man appeared beside her.

The man was in his late fifties or early sixties. He is wearing decent clothes and a khaki baseball cap.

She lowered her windows. “Why, sir?”

The old man smirked. “Is this how you welcome your old man, who you’ve almost never seen your whole life?”

A few days after that meeting with the old man, she is now in front of their house in Parañaque. Bettina called her. More like “shouted” was the right term. She wanted her to come to her apartment to discuss about important matters.

When she opened the door, Elaine faced a flying stuffed toy. Had she not ducked, she would have dropped the food she brought.

“It’s good you arrived, you fool!”

She picked up the stuffed toy, brought it to the living room, placed it beside the sofa, and put the cake on the table.

“How many times do I need to tell you not to meet with that horrible guy?! He is not your father, okay? You don’t have a criminal for a father, Elaine!”

“Mom…”

“When you married that De Marco, I warned you. You will not be happy. Problems will surface! Now, it’s already here! And you don’t believe me! Your father is making a fool out of you. Listen to me, Elaine. You don’t know him. But I do, I know him well! I want to kill him and bury him alive!”

Elaine didn’t pay attention to Bettina’s contradicting statement. She felt the old man who approached her last week was her father. She had been seeing him since then.

She bought him clothes and stuff, got him a condo, and gave him money, whether he asked or not. She was deprived of a father’s love for a long time. She now has the chance to make up for the years they were apart.

She doesn’t want to mind her mother. One thing she learned from Tan is to love and respect one’s parents. Tan was blessed with good and respectable parents, opposite of what she had.

Bettina was on drugs aside from running an illegal pub house in Parañaque. Those were some of the reasons why she was embarrassed to introduce her mother to Tan and his parents.

Brought about by anger from abuse—physical and emotional—she was able to tell Tan that her parents were long gone. It’s the same anyway, she thought. Bettina didn’t support their budding relationship then.

Bettina didn’t even drop by her wedding. So, she stood by her lie until now.

Elaine looked at Bettina. Though her body is fine, her hair, that used to be always colored, is now starting to grow white. She has wrinkles now and obvious creases. How could she make it up to her mother? How will she take it all back with Tan and his family? She wanted to make things right this time. She will convince Bettina that Tan and she loved each other so much while thinking of how to begin being honest with Tan in all things.

“I brought Chocolate cake, your favorite,” she said. She went straight to the kitchen to get a plate and fork.

“If you won’t listen to me, that’s up to you! Don’t blame me, Elaine. I warned you!”

Before she went back to the living room, she already heard the door of her mom’s room, slammed close.

Elaine sighed when a flashback was followed by another flashback…

September 18, 2017

Quezon City, Philippines The door of the master’s bedroom opened. Tan entered and found her closing her luggage on the bed. He breathed deeply and walked towards her.

“Elaine…”

“I’m going back to Mang Chito’s. I’d live there again while you fix the annulment.”

“You had a drink…”

“It’s none of your business.”

Tan breathed deep again.

“Can you please tell me what is the problem? I don’t know what I did wrong. If I did. I’m willing to do everything to correct it,” he pleaded.

Elaine put her luggage on the marble floor. She raised her head to Tan, whose eyes are etched with sadness. She had to hurt her husband further, rather than sympathize with him.

“I hate everything about you and our marriage, Tan. I was impulsive. I was mistaken when I married you. I already regret doing it.”

“If this is about Textile, even if I’m not the heir, we have stocks in the company. I’ll make sure we won’t starve. You could buy whatever you want. I won’t stop you.”

“You can’t change my mind anymore. I want to break up with you. Just take care of the annulment, I’ll leave it to you to process. The faster to null and void the marriage, the better,” she firmly said.

Elaine pulled her luggage and started to walk out of the room, that for several months witnessed their love. And the fear and sadness that she tries to hide with coldness and loss of emotion.

She closed her eyes tightly when she walked past Tan. She forced herself not to return to him and run with a tight embrace.

She seemed stupid for just leaving the guy she loves and who loves her too. But she doesn’t have a choice. Bettina is right, it is written in her palm. She cannot be Mrs. De Marco if she wanted to be happy.

She will do it not because she wanted it to, but because she can’t think of any other way for Tan not to get involved.

But even though she gave him enough reasons to give her up and leave, he chose to stay.

Elaine knew he was prepared to accept all the mistakes she made up. He is ready to adjust for her. She knows it was difficult for him to get a fixed schedule in the hospital, especially since he was just a year into his residency, but he’s able to somehow make a way.

She was in the garage when Tan caught up with her. She didn’t notice he followed her. He was able to hold her hand. She turned to face him.

“If you want some time apart, that’s fine with me. But I’m not going to let go of you no matter what happens. Don’t expect any future talks about annulling our marriage, Elaine. I will never let that happen.”

She swallowed, immediately removed her gaze when she saw the determination and sincerity in his eyes.

She took her hand away. She made her voice sound firm when she talked. “Is it really hard to understand what is meant by ‘I don’t love you anymore,’ Tan? Please, don’t force your love on me because I can’t give it back. I lied about staying with Tatang. There’s…There’s a guy I like. He’s a businessman. I’m going with him to start a new life.”

That should hit Tan real hard. She didn’t want to see the pain in his eyes, so she hurriedly turned to go to her car. But she was surprised when he stopped her hand that was holding the luggage, from opening the trunk.

He looked her in the eye. There was no anger or blame in his black eyes. There was understanding and love and tenderness in them that she wanted to cry. Even the hand he’s holding by the wrist, doesn’t feel heavy or tight. The only thing there was love and care.

Elaine choke back her tears. How could life be this cruel to them? She was about to lose someone so precious and pure. On which planet could she find a guy like Tan after tonight?

“If you really want to leave, I’ll take you. It’s so late and you’re drunk.”

She stomped again. Feelings of frustration, anger at the world and towards herself all mixed up inside her. Pity and overflowing love for the guy who can’t seem to get angry despite being made a fool.

“Why can’t you just curse at me, Tan? I know I deserve that. Rather then be nice to me, why don’t you just use all the bad words to me! I’d much rather prefer that than…than…” She wasn’t able to finish her sentence as her voice became hoarse.

Tan slightly smiled, which crushed her heart even more. “I’m not angry. I know you’re just confused. Don’t ever mention something crazy like you having an affair with other man. No matter how many times you say that I won’t believe you. Forgive me for forgetting how young you are compared to me, Elaine. Though I want us to go back to the good old days and I miss us, I know that you need more time for yourself.”

It was getting harder as time goes by, Elaine thought. She has to get in her car before she betrays herself. At least in her tinted car, gifted to her by Tan’s parents, she could somehow keep how she truly feels.

There she could cry her heart out without anyone noticing. Like she always does whenever she intentionally makes him angry. Sadly, she was unsuccessful with her attempts. Because until the very end, he just won’t get mad.

Elaine is secretly grateful for the dark part of the garage or Tan would’ve seen the unstoppable tears from her eyes.

Nobody knew how much it pained her seeing Tan like this. Hurting him like this. But hurting him, and herself as well, was the only way to protect him. His family’s name.

Elaine raised her head after simply wiping her tear. “I told you the truth. Believe whatever you want. I want you to prepare everything, the faster, the better. Until the smallest detail of the annulment papers. Don’t ever contact me.”

She hurriedly tossed the luggage in the trunk, and went around to the driver’s seat. When inside, she stopped herself from glancing at Tan in the rearview mirror of the car. She quickly drove the car away.

“I’m sorry, Tan. Please don’t forgive me. I’d rather want you to hate me.”

Turning on the first corner out of the subdivision, Elaine parked the car by the side of the road. There she let go of all the pain she felt.

It wasn’t even the break of dawn when her phone rang. A hospital staff was on the other end talking to her, notifying her to come because Tan was in a critical condition.

But she should not come. Even if she wanted to.