CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE — TAN’S DISTRESS

Tan quickly put his right hand between the elevator doors to stop it from closing. When it opened, it revealed Elaine slumped on the floor, trying to catch her breath.

“Elaine…”

She seemed trapped in her own world, but she looked at him. Her troubled and alert gaze darted at him. Although she seems to be looking through him, he saw the very same emotion in her eyes as that from Benguet.

Fear.

As if another person will attack or attacked her. His throat tightened.

“Stay with me, Elaine. Those flashbacks weren’t real. You can get through it,” he said. His voice calm and soothing.

Elaine’s tear fell from her eyes. His eyes followed her hand as she touched her neck. Fingers that left a mark on her smooth and fair skin didn’t escape his sight. As if someone tried to strangle her just a while ago.

He clenched his fist. 

“I-I need money…” Elaine whispered.

To his distress, she still sounded lost. Her voice breaking. Her body trembling.

“So, they won’t hurt me. So, they won’t hurt us. It’s my fault…They shouldn’t hurt my and Tan’s baby…” She felt her flat stomach, Tears still streaming down her face.

Tan stood still. His throat was too tight to say anything, but he managed to utter in the hopes to somehow ease the suffering and pain that Elaine is going through. “it’s not your fault. It isn’t your fault.” 

But deep inside he felt like hundreds of knives stabbing his heart one after another.

Elaine was pulled back to reality from a series of flashbacks when she heard Tan’s cracked voice a while back.

After the episode that lasted far longer than she thought it would, she was startled to find Tan staring at her. A few moments of silence passed with their eyes just locked in on each other.

Elaine could hear her pounding heartbeat. She couldn’t make out words. Tan was equally silent. Pain, regret, and agony were visible in his dark eyes.

Tan knew about her illness. About their child. What happened after she left? That he didn’t know. And what could be the real reason behind all of that.

No question was asked by Tan even after the elevator stopped at the ground floor and its door opened.

Elaine knew Tan wanted to ask her, but he could not drive himself to. It would be painful for him to be able to confirm the truth. Everything would be hard for him to accept. She kept secrets from him for a very long time.

“Let’s go home,” Tan managed to say.

She dropped her gaze. She felt shameful, guilty, and awful. He had all the right, but once again he couldn’t bring himself to get mad.

This was the Tan she knew. The real Tan that she loved since then up to now. Not the Tan who forces himself to harden his heart.

For her, he was the epitome of gentleness. Kind, calm, and understanding. He didn’t think of anything else back then but her welfare and emotions. But from then until this time, she had given him nothing but pain and hurt.

She never trusted him that’s why it came to this.

“I-I wish to be by myself. Please…” That’s what came from her mouth.

Elaine wiped the tears from both cheeks then picked up her handbag from the floor, and almost run out of the elevator.

With heavy feet Tan went out the elevator. Elaine was just within his reach but all he could do was to just keep staring. He had to stand still even though he really wanted to go her and hug her tight. He knew he was the last person she wanted to see after the attack.

They had a baby. Elaine said it clearly. Where is their child? Why did Elaine hide such a secret knowing this is so important to him? Who tried to harm her and their child? Why did she need money to protect herself? Where had she been for the last three years?

Tan had so many questions, but he could not force her into talking. He has to wait until she is ready to reveal things to him. That was the advice of his psychologist friend when he inquired about PTSD and panic attacks.

But the question is: Is he prepared to learn about what happened more than three years ago?

Tan felt regretful and guilt was creeping in his heart. Had only he known that everything would turn out this way, he shouldn’t have agreed to the annulment. He should have until the end, no matter how painful, held on Elaine’s hand.

September 21, 2017

Tan opened his eyes. Blinked them until they adjusted to the light that’s too bright for him. He was met by a white ceiling, white wall, an aching head, and an unknown body part that hurts.

He cannot move his legs. It felet as if something heavy was on top of them. The last thing he remembers, he immediately rode his car when he received Mang Chito’s phone call.

“Go to your wife, Tan. If you still want to see her, stop her from what she plans to do…”

Then the call was cut. Tan almost made his car fly just to get to the bistro right away. He didn’t see oncoming delivery truck when he turned to the service road. Before he slammed into the huge vehicle, he was able to maneuver the car to the right. He swept the row of traffic cones before landing on the center island.

He remembered trying to call Elaine’s phone number before he lost. He could not make it. But he needed to check on her, he had to make sure she is fine before himself, He groaned when he felt a sharp pain on his hips because he tried to get up.

But…he could not feel his legs.

His gaze went to his blanket covered feet. His heart was beating so fast. He quickly removed the linen to expose his cemented feet to his eyes.

He gasped.

He heard the doctor coming. The soft conversation of the people around. He could hear his father’s voice. The worried voice of his mother. His parents flew back to the Philippines from Italy for him.

But the sweet or furious voice of Elaine…why can’t he hear her?

“Usually, it takes six months to one year to fully recover, Mr. De Marco. I’m suggesting physical therapy and intervention to treat the musculoskeletal injuries of your son.”

Tan closed his eyes. He was right. He looked down on his feet. Why did it have to happen to him now?

“He’s going to be fine, right, Doc? Can he walk again?”

“Your son is young and healthy, Mrs. De Marco. But the rate of his recovery, will be up to him and with the help of those around him.”

Tan couldn’t understand the rest. He would do the therapy if that was what’s needed for him to be able to walk again. But for now, he wants to know what happened to Elaine. He wouldn’t be at peace until he can confirm his wife is okay “‘Pa…” he called.

Three heads in the living room area of the suite turned to him.

“He’s awake,” said his father. He led his wife towards Tan’s bed. The doctor followed.

“Thank God. How do you feel? You were unconscious for three days, son. You got me and your father worried,” his mom told him with relief all over her meek father.

Three days. Tan got nervous. He was asleep that long. What happened to Elaine? Where is she?

His throat went dry but instead of asking for water, he asked, “My wife…Where is she?

The couple looked at each other. Then looked away at the same time.

“I…I already called her the other day,” said Mrs. De Marco.

Tan waited for her to continue but she said nothing more. “Are you sure she’s fine?” he asked.

“Why would she not be, hijo?” asked his mom. She held his hand. “I was able to talk with Drew. Your wife was asleep when I called. I didn’t want to disturb her.”

Relief flooded his handsome face. At least she was safe. That is the most important thing.

“Why don’t you rest first, hijo? I’ll wake you up when Elaine arrives.”

Two days passed. Tan didn’t receive even a phone call from his wife.

He turned the TV on when boredom crept in. He just finished speaking with Sean via Messenger. His annual Philippine homecoming is scheduled for next week.

Tan’s gaze shifted to the door of his private room when he heard a knock. His heart started to beat fast when the door opened. But instead of Elaine, it was Janine, bringing a basket of fruits and a bouquet of flowers, who entered with a smile.

He forced himself to smile when the doctor came near him.

“You got me worried. How are you feeling?”

Days passed. It was Janine who visited him almost every day, and not his wife.

Tan patiently waited for Elaine to visit him. Three, four, five days. Until days turned to one…two weeks…

How many times he tried calling Drew, Tan had lost count already. Out of coverage area is all he gets from the telephone operator every time he tries to call.

He wanted to see Elaine. He badly missed her, but he can’t go to her and see her because of his situation.

His wife’s voice, her presence and smile, were all he needed and he would be fine. Everything he is going through would all slip away from his mind.

The next day, Tan was ecstatic when he received a call from Elaine.

“I’ve been waiting for your call.”

He heard her soft and bored sigh from the other end of the line. “Your accident is not a reason for you not to push through with the annulment, Tan. I was serious when I told you I don’t love you anymore.”

“Please, Tan. Don’t think of anything else anymore. Focus on your health. Just continue with your therapy. Have mercy on Tito and Tita. They worry for you. Don’t you miss your patients? They missed you,” said Janine. She gazed at slightly at the “get well soon” messages and gifts she put on his side table. Each day she brought letters, flowers and gifts from doctors, nurses, and patients from the hospital.

But the gifts and letters, no matter how thoughtful and sincere the content were, they seemed not to push through to his empty heart. There’s just one person he needs to fill his empty heart.

His wife.

Janine went on talking. Almost begging him to come to his senses. He wanted to tell her to get lost and leave him alone but even those words, he was lazy to say. The tiredness, sadness and pain that accumulated in his chest from the time Elaine changed the way she dealt with him, slowly overcomes all of him.

Every time he thought of certain reasons why he was unhappy and in pain, only one reason and one name comes in mind, Elaine.

But even if Elaine is the reason of the pain he is feeling, losing her was like losing his everything. He could not imagine how to start living a life without the person he couldn’t live without.

He feels like he just wakes up each morning and is breathing because he is alive. With no more purpose.

Janine sat by the chair beside the hospital bed. She held his hand.

“Tan, please. Don’t do this to your parents. Tito Chase is very much worried for you.”

The door of the suite opened. Janine turned to look. And Tan had to blink several times to make sure his vision isn’t playing with him.

His chest constricted at the sight of the woman who never once left his mind. Her presence filled his heart with yearning that he doesn’t know how to satisfy. He swallowed the lump in his throat. A look of longing crossed his face. He had to stop the tears that’s starting to form and is threatening to fall from his eyes.

At last, she came…

But more than anyone else, he knows her real purpose for coming.