Epilogue

“Please stay with me.”

He murmured as Hardin inclined his face towards Kieran. He didn’t know how many times he said that line. As Hardin’s breath warm his face, he closed his eyes. He knew that Hardin will be going to kiss him. He was waiting for Hardin’s lips lay unto his. As he was waiting for Hardin to kiss him, he reminisce his bitter and sweet moment with the man who loved him beyond words. The one who taught him to fight even he feels weak. He gains the courage to show the world what is right because of this man. Loves know no gender.

And this man, the one who can love him as no one else can, always stays right next to Kieran like what he said many months ago. He brings out the best in Kieran. He always makes sure that Kieran smiles every single time. His love for Kieran is not just by affection, words, and his feelings but always reminds Kieran of his worth. Slowly, Hardin claimed Kieran’s lips. He kissed Kieran soft and tender.

Kieran wholeheartedly responded to Hardin’s kiss. It feels like paradise. He knew that several people looking at them, and others passed by as if what he and Hardin doing is just a normal thing. Others seeing that scene, two men kissing, disgust them. But it’s too close to nature, nature isn’t homophobic.

Mali man iyon sa tingin ng ibang tao, but they’re just loving each other. Hindi niya inaasahan ang ilang butil ng luhang tumutulo mula sa kanyang mga mata. Nararamdaman niyang hinahaplos ni Hardin ang mga pisngi niya habang hinahalik-halikan siya nito. Napakasarap ng mga sandaling iyon na hindi siya hahayaan ni Hardin na manginginig sa takot dahil publiko siya nitong hinalikan.

Nang magkahiwalay ang kanilang mga labi ay niyakap niya ito. He was crying, he didn’t know why. Sadness and happiness in combination. And when he releases Hardin from his embrace, Hardin stared at Kieran like Hardin won a lottery. Hindi ito nagbaba ng tingin. Sa huli ay hinila siya nito sa isang mahigpit na yakap. Masuyo nitong hinagkan ang ulo niya, paulit-ulit siya nitong hinagkan sa ulo.

He pinched Kieran’s nose. “Don’t think too much.” Hardin caressed his back.

“Pom yut kit-tueng khun mai dai.” (I can’t stop thinking about you.)

Hardin kissed Kieran’s forehead. “Khun tam hai pom jai la-laai.” (You make my heart melt.)

Pharm creased his forehead. Kanina pala ito nakatingin sa kanila. “I bet you two aren’t tired. We have to keep walking one and a half kilometers away before we reach the campsite. It’s five in the afternoon, let’s go.” Tinalikuran sila ni Pharm at hinabol si Ayne na nakalayo na sa kanila.

Kieran smiled. Hindi niya alam kung bakit bigla siyang huminto kanina, at gunitain ang mga masasakit na naranasan niya noon. Noong hindi pa siya tanggap ng daddy niya. Noong panahong nawalan siya ng pag-asang maging masaya pa. He fought his battles with the help of Hardin, and he was proud of himself now.

“Kaya pa ba?” masiglang tanong sa kanya ni Hardin. “Ako na magdala ng bag mo, o bubuhatin kita?” Napangiti ito sa mga taong dumaan para umakyat din ng bundok, may mga nakasalubong din silang bumaba ng bundok.

“Kaya ko,” he said to begin to walk again.

KIERAN dropped his hiking bag and breathed deeply as he lay in the earth covered with foliage. He looked up, and the treetops and the leaves of the trees met his eyes. Serenity filled the place, the chirps of birds humming for incoming dusk. Hardin dropped his body next to Kieran. Ayne and Pharm roamed around and checked the campsite. They’re in the campsite, of Doi Pha Hom Pok National Park and early in the morning, they will climb to the peak of Doi Pha Hom Pok mountain. It was located in Fang District in the Province of Chiang Mai.

“You alright?” Hardin asked. He get up and stared at Kieran.

“I’m f*cking knackered. But it feels good, the place is f*cking good, thanks.”

“Don’t worry I will massage you later.”

“Enough with that dulce moment, dude.” sigaw ni Pharm sa kanila. “Tent is ready... I and Ayne will be going to find firewood for a bonfire later.”

MALAMIG ang gabi. Pero ang init na mula sa katawan ni Hardin na yumakap sa kanya mula sa likuran, at ang lamig ng apoy ay sapat na para labanan ang lamig ng paligid. Nag-iinuman sila ng beer na nasa lata at naka-upong pinaliligiran ang bonfire. Nakatingin siya kay Pharm, ngumiti ito sa kanya bago nito hinarap si Ayne na nagpatugtog ng mga kanta ng One Direction. Bumangon siya at humarap kay Hardin. Ikinulong nito ang mukha niya sa mainit nitong mga palad and Hardin breathed in his face. Mainit ang hininga nito na yumakap sa buong mukha niya.

The unfamiliar woods wasn’t eerily quiet but somewhat calm. The sounds of crickets telling them rhyming poems like magic spells cast upon them and Kieran falls in love instantly. Kieran will be going to fall in love with him. And even if there’s no answer to his question, asking whether if Hardin stays with him he will be going go crazy in love with Hardin Sheeran Chen. Why seek an answer in Hardin’s words if he saw it in Hardin’s perfect eyes, those stares, those kisses, those hugs, and warmth from Hardin’s whenever he hugged Kieran. Hardin’s scent, gestures, and the way he cared for Kieran, lahat ng ‘yon ay sagot sa tanong niya.

Malalim na ang gabi pero nasa labas pa rin sila, nakahiga at nakatingin sa tahimik na kalangitan. The moon was in its full bright and the two stared at it for minutes. What romantic lies on the fullest bright moon that the two can’t take off their eyes, staring at the moon is like staring at both of their soul. They held their hands in the air and turned to stare at each other, and later they kissed each other passionately.

“Let’s go to sleep. We need to wake up early in the morning for morning fog, and exciting sunrise at the peak of the mountain.” Hardin whispered between kisses. He carry Kieran inside the tent, and he gently laid him down and kissed him again.

A kiss makes him fall asleep and the kiss wakes him up again. It was a morning kiss from Hardin. Kieran smiled as their eyes met, making heart eyes. Pasado alas tres na ng madaling araw. Kanina pa pala gising si Hardin at pinagmasdan siya nito habang tulog siya. He yawned. Hardin laughed at him and pinched his nose. Muli siyang siilan ni Hardin ng halik. Nang hindi siya bumangon ay muli siya nitong hinagkan sa labi, sa ilong, at sa kanyang noo. Naka-benteng halik ito bago siya bumangon. Trenta minutos ang pinalipas nila bago nila gisingin sina Ayne at Pharm, at nang magising na ang mga ito ay handa na silang umalis.

Sa wakas sa mahabang paglalakad sa madilim na kakahuyan at makitid na daan ay unti-unti na nilang matanaw ang tuktok ng bundok. Napakalamig sa tuktok ng bundok, the morning fog was thick, they couldn’t longer see several feet in front of them. The mist reaches the lowest ground and makes a contact with the brown leaf of grass quivering with the morning breeze. Narinig nilang dalawa ang pagtawag nina Ayne at Pharm, their answers echoed. Maramimg tao ang umakyat sa bundok na iyon pag umaga para makita ang magandang sikat ng araw.

The two heave a sigh of relief as they set a foot on the peak of Doi Pha Hom Pok. Though they couldn’t see what was below or the peak of the neighboring mountains, being on the peak felt like paradise indeed. Alam nilang sa buong pagsikat ng araw ay huhupa ang makapal na ambon at lumitaw ang luntian. Inakbayan siya ni Hardin while they wait for the full rise of the sun.

He closed his eyes as the morning breeze touched his cheeks. “Stay with me.” No matter how hard he reminds himself not to say that line again, pero naisantinig pa rin iyon ng kanyang bibig. Dahil sa sinabi niyang iyon ay hinarap siya ni Hardin. Hardin’s mouth opened but a word never left Hardin’s beautiful lips.

“But if you leave me soon... If it’s required... Please let’s not make it difficult... Make it easy for me to give up, and I make it easy for you to leave without looking back.

“It’s okay, Hardin. It’ll be okay... As a Thai, I strongly believe in the impermanence of things. It’s said ‘Nothing in this world is fixed and permanent and everything is subject to change and alteration. Impermanence is an unavoidable fact of human existence. Your love may be impermanent, it might change tomorrow, who knows?”

Hardin gave a long profound sigh. “I’m staying —”

“Until when? Until you can? And if you can’t?”

Hardin cannot answer Kieran. What’s the supposed answer to that question? Everybody’s leaving if they can’t. Pero wala sa isip niya ang umalis at iwan si Kieran, hindi nito kaya iyon.

“We can’t make it till the end, Kieran.”

Naninikip ang dibdib niya. He closed his eyes, even more, para kontrolin ang init sa bawat sulok niyon, pero hindi pa rin niya makontrol. Nararamdaman na lang niya ang init na dumaloy na likidong dumaloy mula sa kanyang mga mata.

“I figured it out. Pero alam mo kung ano ang dapat nating gawin? Fight, love each other, and even if can’t make it to the end, at least by now we loved each other perfectly, right? Oh, why I’m thinking about our ending.” Hardin cried.

“You’re thinking about the end because you leaving me soon.”

Hinaplos ni Kieran ang kanyang mga pisngi. “Kieran... Kieran open your eyes.” His voice was deep and gruff. It sent butterflies to Kieran. “Open your eyes... You know if I plan to leave and give up on you that would be the day your Dad asks me to. No, don’t ask me that question anymore, I don’t have the answer, but my heart wants to stay with you even my mind figure out what tomorrow brings. I can’t leave you. Now open your eyes and see this natural gift. The clouds dispersed. This somehow taught you to be strong alone.”

He slowly opens his eyes at kitang-kita niya kung paano unti-unting humuhupa ang ambon. Napakaganda ng sikat ng araw. Lumilitaw ang luntian, mga tuktok ng ibang bundok. That sunrise draw a line in his heart and it connected with Hardin. Kieran was feeling calm now. He was ready for Hardin’s departure after the latter’s graduation. Kieran knew he’ll come back in months or even in years, no matter how long, Kieran will wait. At least that kind of waiting isn’t torturing, it’s somehow hoping. Ilang buwan pa iyon mula ngayon. Huminga siya nang malalim.

“My heart for you only beating, would be sacrosanct for you always.”

Kieran smiled.

“I saw you in my future, so that’s relief now? If you believe in the impermanence then I will make my existence worthwhile with you, I want to grow old with you, we will finish our lives together. Oh, when we going Bangkok tomorrow let’s make merit at Wat Arun.” Ngumiti ito at walang salitang inangkin nito ang mga labi niya ay pagkatapos ay tumakbo palayo habang tumatawa.

Kieran cutely laughed. “You! wait for me. I want a kiss too from you.” He shouted as he chase Hardin. “I love you, Hardin.” He shouted nang hindi niya ito maabot. His voice echoed. He heard Hardin’s response saying Hardin love him more. Kieran nodded and smiled. Kieran feels like levitating off the ground. His heart beat calm with a sweet rhythm. Surreal even.

“You’re a real st*pid Hardin, do you know that? But I love you nonetheless...”

~END~