Chapter 28
Chapter 28
The penthouse felt too quiet when Alexandria finally stepped inside. She closed the door behind her and leaned against it for a long moment with her eyes closed, breathing in the familiar scent of her own space.
It should have brought her comfort. Instead, it only made everything sharper, made her more aware of the fact that she'd been elsewhere for an entire night. It made her think of the ache between her legs, and the phantom feel of Jonathan’s hands on her skin.
She pushed off the door and forced herself into motion. She'd simply pretend it didn’t happen.
It was all in her head....
That became her mantra as she walked straight to the bathroom. She stripped off yesterday’s clothes, avoiding her reflection in the mirror, she couldn't face herself just yet. She stepped under the hot spray of the shower, the water beat down on her shoulders, scalding, but she didn’t flinch.
She scrubbed herself thoroughly to wash of the smell of him that still clung to her skin, she washed between her thighs, across her breasts, along the curve of her neck where his mouth had been. She wanted to erase every trace of him because the bath had been too gentle to do that.
She wanted to erase ever kiss, every thrust, every gentle touch in the bath that had made her feel so dangerously safe. It didn’t work though, after spending more than thirty minutes under the shower, she realized not much had changed.
Even after she dried off and slipped into a simple oversized sweater and leggings she could still feel him; the soreness, the e memory of his low voice murmuring against her ear, telling her he'd got her.
Still, she forced the thought out of her mind.
She walked to the kitchen on autopilot, opened the fridge, and took out a tub of Greek yogurt. She didn’t bother with toppings, she just stood at the counter, spooning it into her mouth mechanically, forcing herself to swallow every bite. It tasted like nothing at all.
She tried to focus on classes, she told herself she had three lectures today. She only needed to think about those, and the notes she needed to review. She needed to think about the paper due next week. Think about anything except him.
She carried the half-empty yogurt bowl to the living room and sat on the couch, pulling her laptop onto her knees. The library, she would go to the library later. Study like a normal student. Stay far away from the faculty building. Far away from his office. Far away from Jonathan Vance.
This never happened.
The lie tasted bitter on her tongue but she didn't care. It hadn't happened, and it would never happen.
Her phone rang, the sound cut through the quiet apartment like a knife. Alexandria glanced at the screen and her heart dropped on seeing it was her mom calling. She stared at the name for several rings, her thumb hovered over the screen as she contemplated whether or not to answer.
Their relationship had been strained for months, so why was she suddenly calling her? Why was she calling at the exact moment she felt like her sanity was hanging by a thread?
She didn't want to talk to her, she didn't want to answer. But if she didn’t pick up now, her mom would only call again and again until she answered. Alexandria swiped to accept the call and put it on speaker, setting the phone on the table.
"Hi, Mom.” she said, her voice was low and cold.
“Dria” Her mother’s voice matched hers. “How are you? I haven’t heard from you since you left.”
“I’m fine.” Alexandria kept her tone even, spooning another bite of yogurt she didn’t want. “Busy with classes.”
She tried not to think about how hard she'd slapped her at breakfast that day.
“That’s good. How’s New York treating you? Are you eating properly? Getting enough sleep?”
“It’s fine. Classes are fine. Everything’s fine.” she replied, wanting the call to come to an end immediately.
Her mother paused, clearly sensing the curtness. But she didn’t push the old wounds today. No mention of their last fight, no warnings about being too independent. Maybe she was trying.
“And your professors? Are you keeping up with everything? Attending all your lectures?” She asked.
Alexandria’s grip tightened on the spoon. A flash of Jonathan’s face watching her as he moved inside her cut through her mind.
“Yes,” she said tightly. “I’m attending everything.”
"Good. I’m proud of you. Take care of yourself.”
The words should have felt warm. Instead they landed like stones in her stomach.
She wanted to stay angry. She wanted to hold onto the resentment that had built between them for so long. But right now, sitting here after spending the night in her professor’s bed, it felt pointless.
Because maybe her mom had been right all along. She had tried so hard to be like her father; powerful, brilliant, always in control. The man who had built an empire and carried himself like the world belonged to him.
And here she was, barely a few months on her own and she was already falling apart. Sleeping with her professor. Crying in his arms. Letting him ruin her in every possible way. She was weak, enotional, and pathetic. Nothing like the father she had idolized.
The call ended a few minutes later with her mother promising to call again soon. Alexandria set the phone down and stared at the half-eaten yogurt.Then the dam broke; A sob tore out of her without warning. She dropped the spoon, curling forward on the couch as hot tears spilled down her cheeks. Her shoulders shook violently.
The pain in her chest was so sharp it felt physical.
Why is everything like this?
She had tried so hard. She had moved to New York to prove she could stand on her own, to be strong, independent, and in control. Just like her dad. But instead of building something, she was destroying herself.
One bad decision at a time. One night in Jonathan’s bed at a time. The thought of her father looking down on her with disappointment and shame ached so deeply she could barely breathe. She was the only one with the Monroe name, she was supposed to uphold the Monroe legacy, yet here she was.
She cried harder, pressing her face into a cushion, muffling the ugly, broken sounds that kept escaping her. The yogurt sat forgotten on the table. The library plans dissolved into nothing. All she could think about was how badly she had failed. And how, even now, a small, shameful part of her still wanted to go back to Jonathan.