Chapter Twenty-Four— My Way Home Is Through You

I didn’t know what time it was when I woke up, but I knew I was up first. Nickolas was dead weight as he lay mostly on top of me. He was making quiet sounds against my neck. I think he was mumbling something, but it wasn’t intelligible.

I rubbed his arm. “Nicky, we have to get ready for school.”

He grunted at me.

“Don’t you get an attitude with me, mister. We’re going to be late.”

He made another annoyed sound and then he put the rest of his weight on me. He nuzzled his head against my chest and picked up my hand, holding it against his face.

“You’re adorable, but we have a kid to get to daycare.”

“I know. What time is it?” Nickolas croaked.

I reached for my phone. I had missed calls from Nash that I didn’t care to check on. “Seven-ish.”

“You wanna shower first?”

“Sure.”

I left him in the storage room and hoped it wasn’t a mistake. Even with the sleep he got, he was worn out. So after I showered, I went to get Dahlia ready for him. I sent her to shower and picked out her outfit for the day. After she was dressed, we went to the kitchen.

Nickolas set pop tarts out on the table when I got back to him. Yeah, he wasn’t doing great today. Dahlia sat down, not noticing, so I went up to Nickolas and put my arms around his middle.

“We’ll find it,” I promised him. “Please don’t worry.”

He sighed, “As if I could stop worrying. You love getting yourself into trouble.” He smirked at me and I couldn’t be sure if it was solely for my benefit. “Do you need to go home before we get to school?”

I nodded. “I almost wish I kept clothes here. I’ve had enough sleepovers for it.”

The next smile made it clear that the last one was fake. “You should just go ahead and move in. I think it would save time.”

I backed away from him when he started running his hand up and down my back. “No. No more sleepovers and no more cuddles.”

He looked annoyed. “But we both want it.”

“You want it. I want to not be late for school.”

I fed Scully and made sure she had water for the day. Thankfully, Dahlia played with her in the backyard the day before. I still felt guilty that she didn’t get a walk, but that could be taken care of later.

Nickolas and I split a package of Poptarts and leaned against the counter to eat. We couldn’t talk about the one thing on our minds since Dahlia was right there. I was just trying to not literally twitch with anxiety over the possibility of not finding that number. We’d be on our own. I didn’t want Nickolas to become a killer for me. Or worse, get killed for me.

Dahlia finished her food before we brought her to daycare. She was still blissfully unaware that there was trouble in River City. Then we swung by my house so I could get a fresh change of clothes. No one was home, so I got away with it.

I ran back out and got in the car. The music wasn’t playing anymore. There was just silence as Nickolas gripped the wheel like it did something wrong. I loosened his fingers and he snapped out of it. Mostly. He didn’t look over at me before he started driving again.

When we got to school, I grabbed my phone from my pocket so I could switch it to my backpack. It was vibrating in my hand and it said Mona was calling me. I couldn’t answer it without being late, so I just stuck it in my backpack.

“Be careful today,” Nickolas said as we got out of the car “We can’t know what his plan is, or if he has one. We need to meet up between classes so that I know you’re safe.”

I smiled as he walked around to me. “I could text you.”

“That’s not proof.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine then.”

His hand went to the small of my back as he guided me into the school. “Cupcake, don’t take this as a comfort, because it could be dangerous if you do. But he won’t hurt you. He thinks that you’re his mate. We don’t hurt our mates. At least not in the traditional sense. He wouldn’t be violent, but he wouldn’t hesitate to just take you.”

I nodded. “I’ll be extra vigilant.”

“Thank you.”

We split up for class as each of us had a different second hour. I remember those days where it was relief to have a class away from him. Now I watched the clock until I could see him again.

I sat in the middle of second hour, and even as the teacher talked, I heard people mumbling around me. I caught glances that were directed at me. It wasn’t anything new, at least it shouldn’t be. I was used to the whispers of my whorish behavior. There was a different tone today and I couldn’t place it.

When the teacher went to his desk, he told us to work on our study guides for the finals. I started filling in the answers as the class got louder. Most were talking about the work. Some…

A person tapped on my shoulder. Because I was stupid, I turned. A blond girl smirking at me. “Hello. My and my friends were just wondering if it was as much of a bummer as you’d think it is, dating someone who’s so unlovable that both parents didn’t want him. Or, is it nice to be with someone who knows how you feel? Since.” She smiled wider, “You were dumped too. Right?”

My eyes narrowed. She was talking about Nickolas’ parents. No one knew about his mom. Just Mona, but she wouldn’t tell anyone. She wouldn’t even tell me. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Isn’t that your story? Left in a dumpster when you were a baby or something? I mean, it’s not like having both parents off themselves just so they didn’t have to deal with you. I guess yours are just a little smarter than Weavers.”

I could have killed her. I really could have. But if she was saying this, I had to guess that other people were whispering the same thing. And Nickolas was alone right now.

I stood up and leaned over her desk. “If you ever let me hear you saying this shit again, I promise you, your life will end.”

She glared at me when I left the room.

I had ten seconds before the bell rang and people swarmed me. The halls were full of people running to class and others that were heckling me on my way to where I was going. I tried calling Nickolas but he wasn’t answering.

The more I walked through the crowd, the more I heard. When they saw me they were talking about Mrs. Weaver. They knew. They knew just how she died and they were making up their own reasons why. Bastards. They were bored with their perfect lives and decided that they needed to take an interest in others. I just hoped I could get to Nickolas before he heard any of this. I could come up with a plan later.

I pushed my way through what looked like a gathered crowd as I got outside and into the field. Nickolas’ class was in a different building. I heard voices above the ones around me. I couldn’t see where it was coming from.

“So just how many people did you make hate you so bad that they thought killing themselves was the only option? Just curious,” a boy said. “Like, is it something you try for fun, a challenge? Or was it a coincidence that Daddy decided to hang himself after your crazy ass mom chose a bottle of pills and a warm bath over you? I can’t really blame them. I wonder when your new little bitch’ll rip the veins out of her wrists just to get away from you.”

Rage changed the temperature of my body. Everything felt white-hot and my vision blurred. I didn’t kill the last one, but I wasn’t sure this one would get that same kindness.

I shoved aside the people around me, trying to get to the middle of the crowd. I was shoved back and yelled at, but I hardly noticed. I had a person to throttle. Then I saw that I was beaten to the punch.

I broke through the crowd and I saw Nickolas just as he was getting to Ed. He was so much bigger than Nickolas, but that didn’t matter. Not now. He had him by the throat and he slammed him to the ground. There was a cracking sound as Nickolas pressed down on his ribs with his knee. Then over and over and over, he threw his fist into the boy’s face.

I could have stopped it right then. I could have done a lot of things. Like walk away from what I was seeing. The violence I was warned about. His outbursts of fury. What I knew I should have been scared of.

All I could think was that the kid had it coming. I would have been doing this to him if Nickolas hadn’t gotten there first. But he wasn’t stopping. Blood was pouring and kids were screaming at him to stop. So when I moved in, it wasn’t for Ed.

It was the look in Nickolas’ eyes. Agony beyond comprehension. The bleeding boy wasn’t feeling the same level of pain that my mate was. I could see him crumbling before me. Losing it in a way that I wasn’t sure I could pull him back from. Old aches that wouldn’t dim.

“Nickolas!” I yelled for him. He didn’t hear me. I ran forward and tried pulling him off of Ed. He growled and I wasn’t sure if it was directed at me. I put my hands on his arm and tried hauling him back. His head whipped around and stared me down with malice that made me cold. If I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was going to hurt me. I knew he never would, but the animal in him and the hate were taking over his senses. He promised that there was no version of him that didn’t know me. That would harm me.

The second he recognized it was me, everything changed. He bloody and bruised hands were shaking and his eyes turned unseeing. Glassy. His breathing was ragged and it was terrifying me. Nickolas wasn’t here right now. This was a boy, just a broken boy who needed silence.

Everyone was yelling and screaming. Some were trying to get to Ed. Others were yelling at me, at Nickolas. Calling ambulances and police. I needed him out of here. I needed him somewhere safe.

I took his less damaged hand and pulled him away from the people around us. The crowd parted like I’d kill them if they didn’t. Good call.

We couldn’t get in the car and go home. He needed to calm down first. I needed to calm him down. But police were on the way. I wasn’t letting them take him from me. No. I wasn’t leaving him for anything. I knew that now.

I dragged him past the school and deep into the woods. I could already hear the sirens going off. The sound of the students faded away the further we walked. We got through a thick of trees and I stopped.

I dropped our backpacks on the ground and held his hands. He was still not seeing anything. His breathing didn’t even out. Then he fell on his knees. I sat down and held one of his hands in between mine.

I didn’t know how to comfort a person. I’ve ever only had my own pain to deal with and that wasn’t even something I could soothe. Then Nickolas made a sound. It wasn’t quite a whimper, and he wasn’t quite crying, but the sound pierced through me with its desperation.

My back went against the tree and I held his hand tighter. He started crying then. When the pain built up and broke the ceiling. Shattered like glass and now it was falling all around us. Nickolas moved slowly, putting his head on my chest, right over my heart. My cheek rested on the side of his head as I rubbed his back; doing the best I could to soothe him.

“Breathe, Nicky,” I whispered in his ear. “Please.”

I wasn’t sure how long it was before it evened out to something healthy. Tears soaked through my shirt but they lessened. He held onto my side, like he was trying to keep me there. As if I needed motivation.

He moved again. His head was on my lap and he held my leg as I gently ran my fingers through his hair. He was on me, but I wanted to give him as many reminders as I could that I was here with him and I wasn’t going anywhere. Not now and not ever.

“I’m so sorry,” he said. “I wanted to be better. For you. I wanted to be someone you could love.”

And that was it.

It was over. I couldn’t look away from the blinding light at the end of this tunnel. My fight was over and honestly, I couldn’t remember why I was fighting in the first place. Fear, I suppose. Fear held me down for longer than I ever should have let it.

“Nickolas.” I kept my voice quiet. “I love you. You didn’t do anything wrong and I don’t love you any less for what you did.”

His breathing was ragged again in an instant. He moved up to look at me, and his hazel eyes were still bleary, but they were focused on me. “You love me?”

A tear burned my cheek as I nodded. “I do. I do and I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you. I’m sorry it wasn’t a nicer moment for us.” It felt ugly, this misery we were drowning in. Dark and icky and hateful. I should have gotten to tell him when he was smiling, not crying.

He laughed anyway. “Not in the cards, I guess.”

I was so scared. Scared that the day would come and he would just be gone. I was hollow. Everything in me, I just gave to him to do with as he wanted. He held my heart in his hands and it was up to him if he wanted to keep it, or crush it under his foot.

He cleared my face of tears. “Why are you crying?”

I told him. I told him everything because he already had all of me. Why not let him have this one more fear?

Nickolas kissed me, but just for a second. “Cupcake.” He smiled crookedly. “Never in my life will a day come where I don’t want you. I can’t prove that to you with anything but time. But if I need to tell you every single day, I will.” He dug through his backpack and pulled something small out. “Posey Dae, I’m going to protect you, stay at your side, hug you, kiss you, hold you, love you, every day for the rest of my life.” He opened a small box that he’d been holding. There was a ring. The band was silver and each side had two rows of diamonds, leading up to and holding four other stones. They acted as Alexandrite petals in a flower design. He slipped it on my left ring finger. “I wanted to wait until you came around to give this to you, because I wanted you to be sure about me. I know this isn’t the ring you lost, but I hope you can love it anyway.”

It sparkled on my finger, and I stared down at it. “I do.” I kissed him. “I love you.”

He smiled and put his forehead to mine. “I love you.”

I had to ask, I just needed to. “Are you okay? What happened today?”

I watched his eyes as he started slipping back into the darkness. His voice was quiet and blank when he finally spoke again. “I don’t know how they know. I heard them talking. I just lost it. I was hitting Ed, then I saw you…” His eyes changed and I saw fear. “I wouldn’t have hurt you, but I—” He stopped again.

They tormented him over his parent’s deaths. They all had known about his father, but not his mother. He kept so much of himself private, and none of that mattered now. They knew.

“I’m sorry, Nicky.” I hugged him and his face was at my shoulder. He didn’t say anything. His hands shook again as they reached for me. I held onto him until I was sure he wouldn’t crumble if I let go. “I’m sorry, but we need to go get Dahlia now.”

I managed to drive without crashing into a tree, and I was quite proud of myself for that. I was worried out of my mine, but I needed to stay level headed for Nickolas and for Dahlia.

Once we were at the daycare, I parked but didn’t turn the car off. Nickolas didn’t budge. I put my hand on his face and turned him to me. “I’ll be right back.” I leaned over to kiss him before I left.

I got Dahlia and she was so happy as she jumped into my arms. “Where’s Nicky?”

Here we go. I started walking and I said, “He’s not feeling good today. So he’s in the car.”

“Is he sick?”

I sighed. “Yeah. When we get in, just be really quiet.”

She nodded. “Okay.”

I put her in her seat and she waved to Nickolas. He waved back but he didn’t do a thing else. She was a good girl. Quiet until we got her inside. I told Nickolas to wait for me in his room while I took care of Dahlia. I got her something quick to eat and I put her in her nightie before I put a movie on for her.

I pulled off my tie off as I went to check on Nickolas. He sat on the edge of his bed and his head was in his hands. I shut his door and leaned against it. I wasn’t sure how to approach. So I just went for it. I sat right next to him and waited for him to be ready to talk.

Finally, he turned his head and looked at me with those pain filled eyes of his. “You need to stay with me tonight.”

I took his hand. “Wolves couldn’t get me away from you.”