Chapter 56 COMPLETE MESS

Chapter 56 COMPLETE MESS
THANE
If this wasn’t actually serious, at least serious to Rachel, I would’ve laughed my lungs out, but I didn’t dare. She was genuinely worried I’d thrown the word out carelessly.
Usually, I loved teasing her. Seeing her get worked up over little things was funny as hell to me. But right now? I hated the fact that she looked like she actually thought I’d say something like that without meaning it.
She blinked, sniffing softly again.
I wanted to say something, but how the hell was I supposed to explain just how much I loved her already? Or how badly she’d gotten into my head without even realizing it?
Before she could lower her face again, my fingers caught her chin gently. The second her eyes met mine, I realized she’d really fallen hard for me. She truly wasn't lying about going all in… And honestly? That scared the shit out of me a little.
What if I ruin this too? Because deep down, I already knew I’d gotten selfish enough to want her beside me all the time. And the thought of some other guy taking my place? Yeah… I wouldn’t survive that easily.
But I still feel like shit… I’d already hurt her mum. I’d already pushed her away in the car like a fucking coward. Every time I touched her, every time I let myself have her, I was dragging her deeper into my mess. If I kept being selfish like this, I was going to destroy her. Just like my father destroys everything he touches. Still-Dammit!
“Let me ask you something,” I said quietly, my thumb brushing lightly against her chin. “Do you trust me?”
It took her a second before she nodded. That tiny hesitation twisted something ugly in my chest.
“Then trust me when I tell you to keep the girlfriend part between us for now.”
Her brows pulled together instantly. “You don’t want us to be exclusive?” she asked, her voice smaller now, still rough from holding back her tears earlier.
I exhaled sharply, my grip on her chin tightening just a little enough to steady it. “Hell, I do,” I said, my voice lower and damn serious. “More than you know. But I need to do this right first. We still have the scandal and every other messed up thing hanging over us. If we’re doing this for real, I need to fix all that first. I won’t let my shit ruin you.”
I leaned forward and kissed her lips, slow and heavy this time, like I was trying to seal the promise. “Which means,” I added, reaching for my shirt, “I really have to leave now.”
I barely got the shirt halfway on before Rachel suddenly grabbed my chin so fast I froze still in shock.
“You’re not messing with me again, are you?”
Instead of answering with a joke, I held her gaze, dead serious. “I really mean it this time, Rachel. I'm not joking around.” I leaned down and kissed her cheek, then her forehead, lingering there for a second. “Get dressed, Shorty.
She crossed to the back seat and fixed herself.
After she was done, I waited for her to fix her seat-belt before driving out of the pavement and onto the main road.
“Mum should be awake by now,” Rachel started, probably trying to fill the silence hanging inside the car.
I honestly didn’t want to talk about any of that right now. The silence at least gave me room to think about everyone who’d been at that party that night. Someone there had taken those pictures. Someone bold enough to post them too.
“Yeah,” I answered absentmindedly.
“You know it wasn’t your fault, right?”
I turned to look at her for a second before facing the road again. “You weren’t there, so you wouldn’t know that. Bet Jay’s happy to be the good guy again.”
She exhaled sharply. “Please don’t bring him into this. He’s got nothing to do with what we’re talking about now.”
Was she seriously defending him?
I stayed quiet, hoping she’d leave it there.
“You know I can’t just stop being friends with him because you guys have some issue I still know nothing about.”
That pissed me off instantly. I slammed the brakes hard enough for Rachel to jerk forward before turning sharply down another road.
“Wow, seriously?” she snapped. “Why the hell can’t you just tell me what happened between you two? Because I know this is about him liking me.”
I laughed bitterly. “Oh, so you know and you still let him flirt with you? Thanks for the heads up, Shorty. At least now I know exactly who I should worry about while I’m gone.”
She didn’t even know the kind of person Jay really was. If she really trusted me as she claimed, she would’ve listened when I told her to stay away from him.
“We can’t keep fighting over this, Thane. It’s unreasonable. I mean… we’re supposed to be past this stage already.”
That hit something deep inside me.
“You think I’m being unreasonable?” I shot back. “You’re fucking seventeen, for Christ’s sake. If anything, I’m the adult here.”
The second the words left my mouth, I knew I’d crossed a line.
My chest rose hard against the seat-belt while my grip tightened around the steering wheel. I couldn’t even bring myself to look at her.
Rachel went completely quiet.
When I finally pulled into the driveway, she slowly unbuckled her seat-belt and opened the door without saying a word.
Say something. My brain practically screamed at me, but I stayed still.
Then suddenly, she slammed the door shut again and turned back to face me.
“I should probably say this because honestly, I’m starting to feel like I’m the one always giving more here.” Her voice shook with frustration. “If you can’t admit you’re the problem sometimes, then I don’t know what else to say.”
My jaw tightened, but I still didn’t look at her.
“You need to ask yourself if Jay even did something that terrible in the first place,” she continued. “Because right now, it feels like you blame everyone else for things instead of taking responsibility for your own actions. So yeah, maybe you’re the adult, but I’m definitely the one acting like it right now.”
The words hit harder than I expected. My head snapped toward her instantly. “You really don’t even know what you’re defending right now.”
She scoffed. “And that’s exactly why I want to know why. Because if you don’t tell me, I’m still gonna keep saying…”
“He fucking killed her, alright?”
The words exploded out of me before I could stop them.
“That’s why I hate him so much,” I snapped, my voice shaking with anger. “Because that bastard murdered my sister and I couldn’t do anything about it!”
Rachel froze.
The shock on her face was immediate, but it quickly twisted into something much worse. It was raw fear, confusion, and a deep, aching pain that made my stomach turn. Her eyes widened, her lips parted like she wanted to speak but couldn’t find the words. She looked at me like she was seeing a stranger, like the person she’d just let inside her body, the person she’d called hers, was suddenly someone dangerous.
My chest tightened painfully. Heat crawled through my whole body while my heartbeat slammed harder against my ribs. I suddenly couldn’t breathe right.
Shit. I’d just dragged her deeper into my darkness. After everything I’d done for years to keep it buried, pushing everyone away anytime they got too close to the truth, I still let it slip. And now Rachel was standing right in the middle of it.
I’d spent so damn long trying not to pull her into this mess because I knew exactly what it did to me. It ruins every part of me. Ate them up little by little until there’s nothing left except anger, guilt and shit I could never take back. Yet here I was, handing her another piece of me I should’ve kept locked up. Another reason to look at me differently. Another reason to run.
She saw how hard I was struggling to breathe now, she moved toward me carefully, her voice barely a whisper. “Thane…”
I backed away before she could touch me. “Just go,” I forced out, dragging air into my lungs.
But she still moved closer, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, full of worry and fear for me.
“Hey,” she said softly, reaching for me anyway, like she still wanted to hold onto the broken mess I was.
“Fucking go!” I roared, my eyes burning while everything inside me twisted out of control.