Chapter 57 WHAT AM I MISSING?

Chapter 57 WHAT AM I MISSING?
THANE
She hesitated for a second before finally opening the door and stepping out. The second it shut behind her, I drove off fast.
I didn’t even know where I was going at first, but somehow I still ended up in front of Nancy’s place.
I killed the engine, pulled the keys out and unhooked my seatbelt desperately.
I tried so damn hard not to think about that night. Especially the part where Ciara died in my arms. If there was one thing therapy never fixed, it was that night. No matter how hard Nancy tried. She kept trying to make me stop blaming myself for it, but nothing ever changed because it never stopped replaying in my head. The guilt still sat there like something rotten inside me no matter how hard I tried to bury it.
By the time I stepped out of the car, rain was already pouring heavily. Honestly, I didn’t even care enough to run from it.
I shut the door, locked the car and walked straight toward the building while the rain soaked through my clothes completely.
I barely said two words at the front desk before the usual receptionist quietly let me through.
The whole walk down the hallway, one thing kept repeating in my head. I kept hurting the only person I’d ever actually felt this much for. And somehow, every single time Rachel and I got closer, I still found a way to ruin it.
I kept seeing her face in the car. The way her voice cracked when she begged me to stop pushing her away. The hurt in her eyes when I snapped at her about Jay. And the look she gave me after I told her he killed my sister.
Something I’d been stupid enough to finally let out. But somehow, that didn’t even hit as hard as the way I yelled at her after.
Fuck. I probably made her cry again.
After she’d practically told me she wanted to be part of my mess too. And that was the fucking problem. She can’t.
But somehow, I still managed to make her feel like she was the problem instead.
I didn’t even realize how cold I actually was until Nancy’s office door opened after my second knock and the cool air from inside hit me straight in the face.
At first, she just stared at me, her brows slowly pulling together like she wasn’t fully sure I was actually standing there willingly.
“Thane?” she finally said, her eyes dropping over my soaked clothes.
“Hey,” I answered quietly.
That was when her eyes widened with shock. “Goodness. What on earth happened?” She was already stepping fully out to the doorway now, looking me over like she expected to find bruises somewhere I hadn’t noticed yet.
The whole time, I was trying hard to keep my shit together. I didn’t want to break down yet. Maybe Nancy noticed it too because she stopped asking questions and quickly moved aside to let me in before shutting the door gently behind us.
Her bag was already packed like she’d been about to leave before I showed up.
Normally, I would’ve teased her for how worked up she looked rushing around like that, especially when she hurried straight to the coffee maker without even giving herself a second to breathe.
“Sit down,” she said quickly. She handed me the hot mug before walking over to her desk to pull her jacket off the chair. “This should help.” Her voice softened a little.
The second she reached for the AC remote to switch it off, I realized she’d actually been shaken this whole time. I watched her place the remote down carefully before she finally turned back to face me with a sharp sigh.
After a moment of silence, I met her eyes. “I’m sorry for causing trouble again.” I admitted, looking away before our eyes could fully meet. “I know I’m way past my session time.”
The room went quiet again except for the rain hitting hard against the windows outside. My grip tightened around the coffee mug until it almost felt heavier than it actually was.
“I would’ve stayed no matter what time you came, Thane,” Nancy said softly. “You need to stop seeing yourself as just a patient to me.” She paused before continuing more carefully. “The more you keep shutting people out, the less you realise how much they actually want to be there for you. And in the end, you might hurt them more than you protect them. Trust me.”
Funnily enough, she’d hit the exact thing I’d been trying not to think about since leaving Rachel behind.
I shook my head slowly before finally meeting her eyes the second time. “I’d rather keep doing what I’m doing than watch them get killed,” I muttered. “It happened with Ciara. I’m not letting it happen again.”
My jaw tightened. “Not with Rachel.”
I lowered my head again, sweat slipping from the side of my face down to the ground. If I had realised it sooner, I might have saved Ciara from that old bastard, Mayor Han, and his coward of a son.
So why on earth would I make the same mistake again… especially with someone who actually made me feel alive after everything?
“I think I finally see why you care about her so much,” Nancy said quietly. I lifted my eyes to her. “I spoke with Rachel when I couldn’t reach you,” she admitted. “And I could tell she cares about you too.”
“Yeah. I’m still mad about that.”
“You—”
“Please, don’t do that again.” I didn't let her continue. “I mean it, Nancy.”
“That’s fine.” She nodded. “Would you rather I call Simon then?” She folded her arms.
“She’s my fucking step sister. I don’t want everyone knowing my shit. I hope you understand that.”
I didn’t know where her next words came from but it took me by surprise… “It’s not your fault,” her voice cut in sharply. Her arms dropped to her sides carelessly as she stepped closer. “Your older sister died and you couldn’t save her, that’s not your fault.” She stopped in front of me, her heels echoing in the silence. “It’s not Simon’s fault either. So stop blaming everyone… especially yourself, Thane.”
I blinked. My chest tightened, stiff like something had locked inside it. I tried to swallow but couldn’t… It wasn’t just Nancy suddenly looking like this… it was what she was saying.
I saw the tears slip down her face before she could hide them. She turned away quickly, wiping the rest of it. I slowly lowered the mug, suddenly unsure what I was even holding onto.
“What…” I choked out, utterly confused but it barely came out right. “Please…” I shut my eyes for a second, trying to make the right words, then opened them again. Her eyes were red now. That’s what did it.
“What the hell is this?” I said quieter, tighter. My jaw locked as I stared at her. “Why are you acting like this is personal?” My breath broke halfway. “What am I missing here?”