Chapter 37 Chapter Thirty-Seven - Gabriella
“His name is Azadou. God of Malice also known as the Demon God, and the creator of the eyti,” they explain, walking over and placing a plate in front of me along with a fork, but despite the dish looking absolutely delicious, the thought of food entering my stomach right now makes me want to hurl.
“Eyti…Eyit…Eyti,” I chant, scrunching my eyes shut as I try to remember that word. “Shadow demons?” I ask, the wine now starting to make my head feel a little bit lighter. I’m not a lightweight, I just haven’t eaten since yesterday.
Ezillus nods while digging into their own plate of food. “Basically, anyone who comes into contact with Azadou turns into one. He has the ability to magnify a person’s malice until it becomes so consuming that they literally become a twisted shadow of their former selves. Then they continue to spread that malice from one person to the next like a malicious plague. Jartre was horrified and consumed with guilt, once again, so he created the raitruum, the only beings aside from the Gods who can kill an eyti.”
“I don’t understand. If he made Azadou, why not just unmake him? He should be able to do that, right?”
“At first he tried. But Azadou was no longer just an emotion, he was a God, so Jartre could not consume him. The next plan was to try and kill him, but we soon found out that because Azadou was made from Jartre, the two are connected. To kill Azadou would kill Jartre,” he says gravely.
At that, my blood runs cold, and I feel the colour drain from my face. Killing this Azadou will kill Jartre? What if one of the Gods wanted revenge on Jartre for his psychotic episode or something else? They wouldn’t even need to attack him directly; they could just get close to Azadou and kill him instead and Jartre would be…
Before I know it, two warm, dark espresso hands are cupping my face as bright liquid silver eyes stare at me with concern. Their voice slowly begins to filter back into my ears and soon I can make out what they’re saying.
“Gabriella, just breathe. No one is going to kill Jartre, I promise you,” they say calmly.
“You don’t know that,” I whisper as I feel tears pool in my eyes.
I just learned my boyfriend and soulmate, killed his ex, cursed her lover, nearly destroyed the world, made a God, caused a vampire and demon plague and still after all that, all I can feel is pain at the thought of losing him. So much so I can barely breathe. How fucking sick and twisted is that?
Ezillus reaches past me and ends up placing my wine glass to my lips and helping me sip, “There you go. Drink your juice, Shelby,” they coo in a southern drawl.
I spit the wine back into the glass as I burst into a fit of laughter. I look up at Ezillus through teary eyes as they smile back down at me. I hunch forward as the panic leaves my body, completely replaced with full-blown hysterical laughing. Tears fall from my eyes and my abdominals begin to ache as laughs continue to wrack my body.
I slowly catch my breath and wipe the tears from my eyes. “You’ve seen Steel Magnolias?” I question with a smile still planted on my face.
“Of course, I have. That film is fucking phenomenal,” they say like it’s obvious.
I smile and reach out, squeezing their hand. “Thank you, I really needed a laugh.”
“I could tell. No one does distractions like me.” They wink.
“Maybe you should change your title to God of Distractions,” I tease.
Ezillus chuckles. “Not a bad idea. How are you feeling?”
“Better, thank you. I’m sorry, just suddenly the thought of losing him… even after all he’s done…”
“He’s your animai. This all may seem illogical, but to me, it makes all the sense in the world. He’s not just a lover, he’s a part of you. A part that is meant to be with you for all time, that’s why the thought of losing him is so painful. You’re not crazy,” they assure me, giving my chin a tender squeeze.
I take the wine from their hand and take a sip as I steady myself, bringing myself back to centre. “So, what ended up happening with Azadou?”
“The Goddess Fretez chose to take him on alone. In fact, she specifically demanded we all keep our distance. She was wounded in their altercation and eventually succumbed to her injuries, but not before sealing Azadou deep in the Earth’s core along with an army of eyti. Not all of them, but enough to limit their influence.”
“Then he’s still alive, just imprisoned. That doesn’t seem fair,” I say indignantly.
“How so?”
“Why is Azadou being punished for something that’s not his fault? He didn’t create himself this way. He’s just another victim of circumstance and the world’s worst domino effect. I mean, instead of trying to end him, did anyone just try to be his fucking friend?” I snap, feeling angered at the injustice of the situation.
Jartre may not have intended for any of this to happen, but it did, and instead of taking responsibility, he, and everyone else tried the easy way out. Ezillus said it themself, Azadou became a living, breathing being, but it doesn’t sound like anyone treated him as such. They just treated him like a monster that needed to be destroyed. That’s like all the fuckers who go out wanting to cull sharks when they were the morons swimming around in the shark’s home. Don’t want to get bitten? Stay out of their fucking house. If you start swimming around my home looking like a tasty seal, I’m going to take a bite too.
Ezillus stares at me, blinking rapidly like a spooked animal. “It seems now I’m the one having a great deal to process.”
“That really never occurred to you?”
“There was a lot going on at the time,” they sigh. “But you’re absolutely right and in hindsight we… didn’t handle things the way we should have.” Ezillus’ smooth as satin skin begins to crease, and an almost haunted look takes over their face.
Wow, I really did return the favour. I seem to have quite the effect on Gods it seems.
“You said Apaki just wanted to cause chaos? Sounds like she achieved her goal perfectly. I just don’t think she expected it to cost her her life.”
“Her desire for mischief ultimately became her undoing. Ironic, isn’t it? That she would become a victim of all that she embodied. Can’t say she was missed by any of us. She did get along with Merlos. Merlos found Apaki to be a good source of entertainment, but she was more devastated by the loss of Fretez. They were very close,” they say solemnly.
“I know that Merlos is the Goddess of the Void and she made visums. Thanks to Jartre, she turned my neighbour into one,” I snort.
“What?!” they shriek.
“Oh. I take it you didn’t know that part.”
“No, I didn’t fucking know that part. For fuck sake, Jartre!” they shout in exasperation, running their fingers through the dreadlocks.
“At least she’s alive. But after learning all of this, everything about Jartre makes a lot more sense. He was hesitant to talk about certain supernatural beings because they exist as a result of his trauma, and he doesn’t want to confront it. He’s clearly got some severe PTSD that is triggered by infidelity, thanks to Apaki. His possessiveness, his jealousy, and his hatred of cheaters, all make perfect sense. He’s not doing this to hurt me or because he’s evil, he’s just in pain and wanted to get justice for me because I guess in some way he’s getting justice for himself,” I sigh sadly.
“I didn’t know you were a psychologist,” they say in surprise.
I snort with laughter. “Didn’t you know? All bartenders are therapists,” I smirk. “I’ve worked a lot of shits involving LGBTQIA plus folks venting about a lot of their own trauma. You learn to be a good listener, and you become really good at reading people.”
“Zarseti struck gold pairing you two together,” they say happily.
“It’s strange. If Derrick came to me and told me he murdered Wyatt for cheating on him, as much as I love him, I’d call the cops. But… I don’t know. This just feels different. I mean, it was thirty-thousands years ago for starters. And everything that happened is just so beyond anything any court of law could even begin to comprehend, I don’t even know how you’d unpack it all,” I say just feeling winded at the thought.
“Like I told you, when it comes to the supernatural world, there is a lot of nuance. Nothing is so black and white.”
“Yeah, I’m realising that.”
I finish my glass of wine, lift the plate of still-hot, gooey goodness from the counter, cut a piece with my fork and take a bite. A long moan escapes me as a bunch of tantalising flavours explode on my tongue. I swallow the warm food and feel it fill my stomach, satisfying the hunger that I’d completely forgotten about.
“You like?” Ezillus asks playfully.
“This might be the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. Thank you so much for making this.” I smile graciously.
“My pleasure. I knew you’d need it and I just love cooking,” they say, sounding pleased with themself.
“Must be the creator in you,” I joke while taking another bite.
They chuckle. “Probably. So, now that you have all the facts, what do you plan to do?”
I swallow my bite of food. “I’m going to call Jartre and talk to him. He can reverse what he did to Mitchell? Right?”
“Oh, very easily. I’d do it myself, but only the God responsible for the magic can reverse it. But if you’re able to talk him around, which I believe you will, then yes, he can definitely reverse it,” they assure me.
“Then my plan is to focus on calming him. Maybe getting him to open up, but I won’t force it. I don’t want to force an apology, and I don’t want him to feel attacked. I think he already feels like a villain, he’s even said as much. I want him to feel safe with me, enough that he can start to heal, and then I’ll work up to getting him to reverse it. But if I come right out demanding it I know I’ll just end up hitting a wall.”
“That bond is truly something else. Only known him a small amount of time and yet you already know him so well. I’m genuinely glad he has you and that maybe he can finally start to move forward,” they say sincerely, giving my shoulder a tender squeeze.
“It’s still hard to wrap my head around just how much I need him in my life.”
“Trust me, he needs you even more. You’ll work this out.”
I sure hope Ezillus is right. I do care for Jartre, but he needs help. After learning about his past, I am willing to do what I can to help him, but he has to meet me halfway. If I’m the only one putting in the effort for us both, then that’s it. I’m not going to live like that again. I don’t forgive what he did or tried to do to me, even though I understand it, but I’m willing to set those feelings aside for now. But if Jartre doesn’t even attempt to make it right or so much as apologise then I may have to consider that whole rejection thing. Even if the thought of it fills me with a painful, hollow feeling that scares me more deeply than I could ever imagine.