So heartbroken

So heartbroken
ALESSANDRO'S POV
"Nikolai..." Vladimir lightly tapped his face. "Come on, Nikolai, you're stronger than that," his voice was desperate, pleading.

My feet were glued to the ground, my mind had stopped working. My body was in complete paralysis, and my brain stuttered.

I was struggling to breathe. I just fucking saw the man I love getting shot... twice and I did nothing to stop it. My mind had completely shut down when the first bullet left the barrel and connected with his skin.

I lost him.

I lost him.

I lost him.

I lost my husband.

I didn't want him to die, no, I don't want him to die. I have no fucking idea what I will do without him.

I saw him getting shot, not once but twice and I just stood there. My hands shook as I looked down at the gun in my hand, my fingers loosened around it and it dropped to the floor with a thud. I was trembling, shaking. I have never felt this way before. I have never felt this unbearable, agonizing pain in my chest before.

My lungs felt like they had filled up with water, and I felt like I was struggling to breathe – why did I not do anything to stop it?

Someone pushed me out of the way and went to him. Antonio, it was Antonio. He limped over to him and pulled him out of Vladimir’s arms, crouching down beside his limp body.

He checked his pulse and a hopeful smile pulled over his lips, "He's alive, he is still here," his voice echoed in my head.

I blinked.

Shook my head, side to side, to get back to reality.

"Alessandro, fucking get him to a hospital!" Vladimir shouted, holding his injured leg, another echo.

I just stood there and watched as they yelled out instructions to one another, taking all the wounded people to the hospital. There was a burn in my eyes that I couldn't seem to get rid of.

Lorenzo picked him up, Vladimir and Antonio were wounded, so they couldn't. I watched as his arm dangled and blood dropped down to the floor through his delicate fingers. There was no strength in his body. My eyes followed as they ran past me, taking him out of the doors.

Everyone around me started to leave, Lorenzo had taken him out of here. I heard the revving of the car engines before multiple cars drove away.

A stabbing pain went through my heart. A restlessness gnawed at my chest, fear ghosted over my skin, raising the hair on my body.

I stared at the puddle of blood where his body had been laying a few minutes ago. I let it happen, Vladimir was the one that saved him, Vladimir was the one who killed him: Vladimir went to his aid first while I stood there...

Even though the betrayal was still there but I didn't fucking have it in me to hurt him in any way. I pushed him back and even that made my hand burn.

"Don Alessandro, you're bleeding," a voice resounded in my head, I frowned and looked at the man before me.

"We need to get out of here before the police arrives," another shouted in my face, their voice echoing.

"Where did they take him?" I managed to ask.

They both glanced at one another before one of them asked, "Mr. Alessandro, are you fine?"

I swallowed and nodded, they went on telling me the name of the hospital, it was ours, of course, it was. I don't know why I even asked that question. I finally moved my feet to get there, I walked out and got into a car as one of my men drove me to the hospital.

I stepped out of the car and made my way to the front desk. I asked the front desk about my husband and ran down the hallway. My heart thumping louder than my footsteps pounding down the hall. I felt like I was going to fucking explode. Like my heart is going to burst out of my chest. I finally saw Lorenzo leaning against one of the walls.

I walked to him, "How is he?"

His head snapped in my direction, "Alessandro, I–"

"How is he?!"

He swallowed then put a hand in his pocket and pulled out the watch of Nikolai riddled with blood, his blood. All stained with the fresh blood of his wound. He passed it to me, carefully placing it in my open palm and I could almost feel his pain in my bones.

"The doctors took everything off," he told me.

I didn't fucking care about the fucking watch, I needed to know if he was alright.

"HOW IS HE?!"

"I don't know, man... they took him to an operation theatre. I have no fucking idea."

My heart hurt so fucking bad as I walked backward until I felt the wall press against my back. I had no control over what was happening and I felt like I was dying inside. I slowly sank onto the ground, holding my head in my hands, helplessly slumping to the cold, hard floor. Every breath felt like a stabbing wound in my chest.

"You let him die..."

I frowned, my muscles tensed up. I looked up to a beaten-up Antonio, glaring at me through swollen eyes.

"What?"

"You let him die. You let him shoot Nikolai..."

I ignorantly shook my head, "He's not dead..."

A relief... a relief that I've been repeating to myself, again and again, to help with the overwhelming guilt that crept up.

"Why didn't you do anything?" Antonio asked, "Weren't we supposed to protect him?"

I glared at him, he was standing against the wall opposite me, returning my glare with his own.

What did he want me to say? That for the first time in my entire fucking life, I didn't know what to do! That for the first time, I felt myself to be the weakest man to ever walk the earth?! That for the first time, I felt helpless, powerless?! That for the first time, my limbs wouldn't move, they wouldn't fucking respond to any commands.

That I wanted to be the one on the receiving end of those bullets instead of him? If I could make it happen, I fucking would have in a heartbeat.

"He kidnapped you," I stated.

He nodded, "He did..."

"He did this to you..." I said, referring to his injuries.

He shook his head. "No, he didn't. It was that asshole Marco."

"He had nothing to do with this..." another voice added.

I got off the floor and faced Vladimir, he had a plaster cast on one of his legs and had a crutch tucked under his arm.

It was a fucking surprise, Vladimir always needed a reason to bitch about Nikolai. He was never the one to take his side.

"It was him, Marco, he planned this alone. I heard him talking to Nikolai, he was there to kill him as well. He wanted us to believe that it was Nikolai and we did..." he sat down on one of the chairs, "He fucking played all of us and that includes Nikolai!"

My heart sank. My mind went back to earlier tonight when it all went downhill.

"You played me?"

"No, Alessandro, I have nothing to–"

"You set me up, Nikolai..."

"I didn't..."

"You betrayed me... again"

My whole life people had told me how brilliant I was, how cunning, how clever. No one can get away from me. I had managed to do the impossible in the underworld, I had portrayed my family as legit. I have played the FBI and CIA like a fiddle. I was always in control, I always knew what to do. I always planned my next move. I was calculative and sharp.

But right now, I felt so fucking stupid.

How the fuck could I not know? Nikolai can never be this manipulative or wicked. Whatever he had turned into now didn't matter because he was still my Nikolai. The Nikolai that I had known from the very first day I had met him.

Antonio and Vladimir were explaining whatever happened in the background about Leah and her father but I couldn't hear them, only Nikolai's voice resounded in my head.

He didn't deserve this...

"I love you, I love you so fucking hard, Nikolai, please, don't ever leave me again."

His smile, his eyes, everything came back to me, I watched the bloodstained watch in my hands.

Heartbreak, it was heartbreak. I have never had my heart broken, it made me irrational, ludicrous, and insane. I had never felt my heart shatter before, it drove me to uncontrollable anger and extreme foolishness.

I didn't give him a chance, a chance to explain himself.

He tried, he fucking tried.

I had been so fucking angry, so fucking furious when I learned about the Salvatores attacking us. I should have been the one to kill that bastard. I should have been the one to send him to the fucking hell at least that would have fucking made me feel better about myself.

I sighed and rested my head on the wall behind me, closing my eyes... knowing nothing will ever be the same between us.