CHAPTER 44 — DARKNESS

Tension.

It settled on his shoulders and spread rapidly through his muscles until his entire body felt the weight of his decision to walk away from the front porch of the boarding house.

He should have stayed behind. He should have knocked on that door until Lily gave in to his demands to come home with them. Instead, he had walked away, burdened by grief and fear, unable to convince himself to accept the child she was to bear.

He folded his arms across his chest, his chin pointed to the dark skies above, as he stood on the front porch. It was useless trying to fall asleep because the longer he tried, the more difficult it became to ignore his mounting headache. He had, instead, made his way down the stairs and out of the front door, hoping the night air dancing about him would calm his nerves and convince his body to give in to its fatigue.

Opening his mouth, he breathed in deeply and closed his eyes. His mind wandered to Lily and a frown immediately settled on his face. She was in Fiona’s home, her mind most likely being poisoned by Fiona. His fingers curled into a fist as a low growl emanated from his throat.

The sound of the door opening behind him dragged him back to the present. Turning around in surprise, he saw Josie’s head poke out of the door.

Heaving a sigh of relief, he rose a brow. “You shouldn’t be out here.”

She frowned. “I can’t sleep, Papa.” Pushing the door wide open, her entire form emerged, dressed in a white nightdress that swept the floors. She stretched out her arms and wrapped them around his torso, a soft sob escaping her lips.

“Don’t cry,” he whispered softly. Reaching behind him, he untangled her arms from around him and went to his knees before her.

Tears ran freely down her face as he reached out and touched her cheek, brushing her tears away.

“Why won’t Mama come home with us?” Her broken voice tugged on the strings of his heart. “I thought she loved us, she said she loved us.”

“She does.”

“Then why won’t she come home?”

He sighed slowly, reaching forward to tuck strands of her messy brown hair behind her ears. “She…” There was no explanation he could think of, none he could place before her to make her understand.

“Why won’t you get her?” Her eyes seemed to harden with the question, condemning him.

“I can’t force her to return, Jos…”

She shrugged his hand off her face and stepped back. “But Millie left, and you forced her to return.” She crossed her arms.

“I…” He didn’t like where the conversation was going. “That is different, Josie, Millie is your sister. I couldn’t leave her; she could have been hurt.”

“Do you love Millie more than Mama?”

“Josie…”

She shook her head. “What if Mama gets hurt?” Fresh tears sprang to her eyes.

Raymond opened his mouth to reassure her that Lily was safe. But even as he did so, the words died on his lips, his mind unable to think of a scenario where Lily would be safe in Fiona’s custody. He didn’t know Fiona well, but he knew he couldn’t trust her. He couldn’t trust her with anything he loved; why had he thought it would be safe to trust her with his wife?!

Fear suddenly clouded his mind, his heart pounding fast in his chest. Would Fiona try to harm Lily? His stomach tightened into a painful knot, his lungs constricting at the thought.

“Is Mama hurt?!” Josie’s horrified screech pulled him back to the present. He turned his attention back to her, her entire face devoid of color. Her eyelids widened and her eyes bulged.

He stared down at himself and found his knees and hands trembling. Most likely, Josie’s face reflected his own.

Shaking his head, he said, “No.” He rubbed his neck nervously, noticing for the first time that his skin was ablaze with goose pimples.

Why was he suddenly afraid? Why were his entire insides suddenly a mess?

“Papa,” Josie’s voice trembled as she took a step to him and took his hand in hers. Her hands were soft against his rough palms. Giving it a small squeeze, she said, “Go, bring Mama home, now.”

***

Pressure.

Her head swam with that single word as the wind was knocked out of her lungs and her body exploded with pain.

She fell and kept falling. Her legs seemed incapable of taking firm hold of the ground beneath her. For as long as she fell, she felt pain until she was falling into darkness.

When light flooded her vision again, it was blurry. Unrecognizable figures hovered around her, and as quickly as she was in the light, she was swimming in darkness once more.

She heard something—or someone; she couldn’t tell the difference. She tried to listen, but her mind was incapable of distinguishing the sound. The harder she tried to listen, the more the darkness struggled to take over.

Something touched her lips. She felt it through the numbness as it tried to part her lips. She tried to open her mouth, but was too weak to do so.

She heard a sound again, and this time, it sounded like an animal. Would it tear her apart? Where was she? Was she wounded and in the woods? Would Papa find her? Mama must be so worried right now! But she couldn’t let Mama worry, she panicked. Mama was sick? Hadn’t she gone out to get medicine for Mama? Surely Mama would die if she didn’t get home.

She struggled then, desperate. Her body squirmed, but her feet seemed incapable of standing on its own.

Something...

Someone...

Darkness...

Pain gripped her entire body, the thirst of blood filling her mouth and dragging her out of the darkness. She tried to open her mouth and cry out in agony, but her efforts were met with weakness as a low moan formed in her throat.

“Take this.” Someone touched her lips. “Open your mouth, Lily, drink this!” She... It was a woman. Was she angry? She sounded angry. Who was she, and what did she want? “It’ll kill the child. Raymond doesn’t want the child, and we mustn’t displease him.”

Child...

Raymond...

She fought to remember the names that sounded familiar, yet foreign. It was a memory that was close, yet far away.

Something touched her lips, trying to pry it open. She moaned again, pain clouding her vision as her lips remained stubbornly shut.

She didn’t remember, but she didn’t want to kill a child. Could she kill a child? Was it required? And why did she have to drink anything when she wasn’t thirsty!

Darkness...

A loud banging sound followed, jolting her awake. She heard a door opening, then an argument. Was it a fight?

A male’s voice... A male... An angry male...

A confused male...

Pain again...

Darkness.