Chapter 142 Another Decision

Chapter 142 Another Decision
Maddie's POV

I lay in bed just staring at the ceiling after my nap. Rosie was so hands-on and helpful even when she had Bella to tend to and also cook our food. I was so exhausted. I heard Bella's sweet laughter erupting from her bedroom and Angel's giggles. But then it hit me, we never got to really be there with her and really ask her how she was doing. It had been so hectic with the twins that we neglected her. This is one of the reasons why I think I should tie my tubes.

The bedroom door opened and Mariko entered, closing the door behind him. "So, how did it go?" I asked as he approached our bed.

"She won't listen and she seems worse. I can't help but think about if she has some sort of depression and I want to speak to her mother. It's been a while since I have been in contact with her. Ever since we moved to London we have just stopped talking," he said in thought, more like worry.

"I hope that she is okay," I said.

"I hope so too. I will call her later," he sat down on the bed beside me, leaning in closer to me, his head against the headboard. "I hope that Amber can get the help she needs. She ended up blaming Bradley again."

"Maybe she started having depression since that time, maybe she is acting out with all the partying," I shrugged.

"Well, that is for her mother to help her figure out. Have you gotten in any sleep?" he asked.

"Yes, I did. I'm not cut out to be a mother. I don't think I will be good enough for the twins."

"Stop saying that. You are doing well," he reached out to me and took my hand in his, bringing my hand to his lips, kissing it sweetly.

"They were crying, and I couldn't handle them and, on top of that, Bella wanted my attention and I just couldn't give it to her. We haven't even spoken to Angel, we didn't ask her how she was doing and just be there for her. I don't want her to feel left out in this family that we have. We basically have four kids," I sighed.

"I will spend time with Angel tonight. Please just focus on the twins for now. I will take care of the rest," he suggested.

"You are going back to work tomorrow. I want to go back to work. We need another nanny. Rosie cannot do this on her own."

"We can look for a nanny tomorrow evening, okay?"

"Thank you." How am I going to bring the topic up about tying my tubes? Why am I so scared?

"What else is on your mind?" he asked.

"I don't want any more kids, I would like to tie my tubes." I looked at him expectantly. He thought about it for a few seconds. "Are you okay with that?" I was too afraid to even ask.

"I guess I am. It's your body and we have our kids. I will respect your decision," he gave me a weak smile that didn't even meet his eyes, before he leaned in and placed a kiss against my lips and pulled away, but there was a hint of something else in that expression.

"Are you sure you're okay with it?"

"I can live with it," he said before he got up from the bed. "I'm going to spend time with the girls. If you need anything, just let me know, and I can also jump in when the twins are too much to handle," he said, before he stepped out of the room.

I let out a heavy breath as I went back to staring at the ceiling. I know he isn't happy about it. I didn't even ask him what he wanted. Did he want more kids with me? I know I didn't have the best and smooth pregnancy, but I do not want to go through that again and I most certainly do not want to go through this stage of motherhood again where I feel that it's too much.

I just want to sleep forever and not wake up. Maybe then I can feel better in my sleep with nothing else to worry about. Mariko already has his hands full with Amber too. I don't want to add anything to his plate with everything else. What if I'm being selfish? But I don't want more kids, I'm doing this for myself.



Mariko's POV

I don't know why I felt so disappointed when Maddie mentioned tying her tubes. She didn't want any more kids and I didn't want anymore kids before she even fell pregnant with the twins. Did I want more? F^ck.

I entered Bella's bedroom, and she had her little pink angel wings on and a wand in one hand, spinning around as Angel was sitting at the little table in the corner beside the bed, writing on a page. I stood in the doorway, just taking in the joyful moment of Bella. That warmed my heart and I cannot wait to see how my twins will be too. But then that faded as the thought of Maddie not wanting more kids just dampened my mood.

"Daddy, look at me! I'm princess Bella," she smiled as she twirled. I forced a smile at her.

"You will always be a princess," I said as I moved further into the room and sat down on the bed which had a pink blanket over it.

"I would like to name the twins princesses too. They are going to be like me," she jumped with excitement. But then as I look at her, I am reminded of Amber. Bella doesn't deserve that either. She will grow older and have many questions. Perhaps she will resent her when she is older. She didn't even ask for Amber, it's just not like Bella.

I turned my attention to Angel. "How are you doing? How are your preparations going for school tomorrow?" I asked.

Angel turned her attention to me, "I'm okay, and I think I'm ready. It's a new school, a whole different thing and, since I know what being an outsider feels like, I just want to be left alone from anyone at school and be on my own," she replied and that tugged at my heart. She was used to that, and now she thinks that will happen again.

"If anyone bullies you, please tell me about it so that I can deal with it. The right friends will show up. Do not even allow others to tell you what to do because you are unique and loved by us. We care about you and I don't want any other person to be harmful to you or to say any nasty words to you," I said.

"Thank you," she smiled.

"Do you love it here?" I asked.

"I think it's really nice, and I do love the atmosphere," she replied.

"Do you feel as if we are not spending enough time with you since the twins arrived? Both Maddie and I want to be your parents and shower you with all the love in the world. We don't want you to feel as if you don't fit in here. That is not our intention. We are trying to get back to our normal routines, but now that the twins are here, it's an entirely new routine. I just wanted you to know that we are always here for you, and we love you," I gave her a soft smile.

"I know that you both love me, but I know the sacrifices that you are going through now that the twins are here. I am a big girl, a teenager who knows how much you love me. I just don't want you to worry about me. I will be okay. I have been okay and now that I'm here, I'm more than loved," she smiled, but it didn't quite meet her eyes.

"Just know that we are always here for you," I held her gaze.

She nodded, "I know," she said, which was barely audible.

"Daddy, I'm a threenager," I looked at Bella, jumping around with her wand. I couldn't help but laugh. She can be a very attentive listener.

"You are indeed a threenager," I said.

Angel giggled beside me and I loved to hear how happy she was. But I'm still not entirely convinced that she will be okay. I know her past, and it can remain in her. I will make sure to get her from school and take her for ice cream so that I can know how school was, and she can have my full attention.

I heard the cries of my babies and this was a signal for me to leave this room and care for the twins. I don't want Maddie to feel as if she is the worst mother, because she is not. She is trying, and she will be even better at it.