Chapter 42 — Growing Feelings

Zinnia.

Nightmare.

Draven had a nightmare.

"Hey, baby, look, I am here." I hugged Draven and patted his back as he continued to cry silently. It wasn’t the first time this was happening. Clave leaving had affected him too much.

"Zin—" Clave's words dried in his mouth the moment he saw us. Guilt flashed on his face for a second, and the next second, he was down on his knees, running his hand through Draven’s hair and mumbling, "Hey, Champ.”

Draven left me and turned to Clave. "I saw a scary dream. You and Mommy left me." Then he turned to me again with teary eyes. His broken, helpless look broke my heart, and the fact I was partially responsible for it made it worse. "Will you two leave me?"

I shook my head. "How can I leave you, Draven? You are my son," I said softly but firmly.

"I made the mistake of leaving my family once, Champ." Clave said with a small smile, "Do you think I would be such an idiot to repeat that horrible mistake?"

A warmth spread throughout my chest when Clave called us his family. All this time I thought that we meant nothing to him. Turns out I was wrong. But I couldn’t have been happier to be wrong about this.

“But what if you still do? We all repeat mistakes, sometimes,” Draven mumbled sadly.

“I won’t. I won’t leave this time. You have me for a lifetime. Trust your superhero on this,” Clave assured, showing Draven through his firm gaze that he meant it all.

"Star promise?" Draven nimbly showed us the three fingers of his right hand and placed two more fingers of his left hand on it, making us chuckle.

Clave and I did the same with our hands and uttered in unison, "Star promise."

"You will never get rid of us, don’t worry," I added and kissed his cheek.

"Now, let's tuck you to bed." As I was about to pick up Draven, Clave beat me to it and started walking toward my bedroom. I followed them, noticing how the two of them kept chatting and enjoying each other's company.

Once we tucked Draven into bed, he wanted Clave and me to sleep on either side of him. Even though we were reluctant due to each other, we agreed for the sake of Draven and lay down next to him. It was our fault that Draven got caught in the crossfire, thus it was almost like a mutual agreement that we would work harder to make up for that.

Draven held one of our hands close to his chest with his two tiny hands, and I swear my heart almost melted right then and there.

"Today, I will tell you a bedtime story," Clave said while Draven grinned.

I continued caressing Draven's hair while Clave started narrating a story, "Once there lived a strong princess.” His eyes sneaked a glance at me, and I noticed his faint smile, which made my heart flutter, as he continued, “She was different from others—way different. She claimed that she is strong enough to fight the world."

"So the princess has no prince?" Draven asked curiously.

Clave furrowed his eyebrows. "Why won't the princess have a prince?"

"Because the prince always saves the princess. If the princess is strong, then why do we need a prince in this story?"

I didn't want to interrupt their conversation. Not to mention, I also wanted to hear Clave's response.

He twitched his lips and thought for a while. Then he responded, "Who said a princess always needs a prince to save her? Prince should support a princess like a princess would for a prince. They are equal partners, after all. They don't need each other for protection, they need each other to grow together."

I smiled at his words.

"It's confusing, Superhero." Draven pouted.

Clave sighed. "For example, did your mommy ever need someone else to protect you or herself?" When Draven shook his head, he further spoke, "Does this mean she doesn't need anyone else in her life?"

"No. She needs you," Draven replied casually as if I wasn't there, while my eyes widened at the blunt response. Were my needs for Clave that obvious that even my little son knew?

"Why?"

"Because she is happy when she is with you," he mumbled. Despite feeling exposed, I couldn’t deny this fact. It was true. Clave did make me happy. "Now I get it, Superhero. A princess and a prince need each other to stay happy."

"Exactly," Clave had a proud smile on his face after being successful in making Draven understand. Meanwhile, my respect for him doubled or probably tripled. I always knew that he didn’t have an ordinary way of thinking, considering he accepted Draven with open arms, but I never knew he understood strong women so well.

"Okay, now enough with the stories. Sleep," I decided to speak up.

"Fine, Mommy," Draven whined and closed his eyes.

Clave and I had eye contact at that moment. 'Thank you,' I mouthed for making Draven understand it so easily.

He smiled and blinked his eyes slowly in response.

###

Draven was asleep and so was Clave, but sleep was far from me. Frustrated, I got up from the bed.

After properly placing the blanket over the two of them, I went to the balcony. It was almost time for sunrise and the sky looked ethereal at that time.

It was a little chilly due to the wind. However, it was so calm and quiet; it was almost cathartic. I wished all my worries would wash away and I could start my life afresh with the sunrise.

I have no idea how long I stayed here. But I thought hard about my feelings. The feelings I had grown for Clave. He was hiding so many things from me and he still owed me an explanation. Despite all that I had yet to know about him, I could not stop my heart. I had fallen far too deep for anything else about him to bother me.

I love Clave.

Whatever he had done, I had failed to bring myself to hate him. Regardless of who he really was, he changed my perfect life. He had occupied such a huge spot in my heart—a spot that almost rivaled Draven’s—that I now picture a future with him.

Our separation broke me down horribly, but I managed to pull myself together because I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong. I consoled myself that Clave wronged us and managed to maintain a strong facade for Draven. But now I knew that it wasn’t all Clave’s fault. I was wrong for trusting Francis and I should've given Clave a chance to explain himself when I confronted him. But even I am human. How could I take the blow that the guy I had been dating never told me anything about himself that was true?

I had known absolutely nothing about his life. And whatever I knew, it was vague truth, starting from the time we were on the plane and he said that he just graduated from some college. He never mentioned what college, which family he belonged to, who his father was, and what he himself did for a living.

And yet, my heart didn’t care. It knew the type of person Clave was; it knew his true smile, his smooth words, his good heart, his sharp mind, his love for Draven, his respect for me, and so many more little things.

Damn you, heart!

I wanted to listen to my brain like I always did, but this time, I wanted to let my heart come out victorious. Was this what people felt when they fell in love? I didn't know.

As I watched the sunrise, all of a sudden, I felt a pair of strong arms wrapping around me from behind. I could feel his presence so I didn't feel the need to turn around.

I tried to wriggle free from his grip, but he rested his chin on my shoulder and tightened his hold on me, flushing my back against his chest.

"Don't, baby. Please," Clave whispered into my ear.

I decided to leave it all to my heart and sighed, relaxing in his arms.

"Why did you wake up?" I asked him.

"I have never been able to sleep properly after our separation. Even if I sleep, I just wake up after an hour or two. I blame you for that, just so you know," he complained.

"I am sorry," was all I could say.

"No, I am sorry." He started speaking, "I ruined not only yours but also our son's life just by hiding things."

My heart felt fuzzy when he casually called Draven his son as well. There were no paparazzi and we were alone, yet he confidently said our son. He meant it.

"With this sunrise, I want to tell you everything. I promise after today, I won't hide anything from you. Star promise."

I stayed silent and watched the sunrise.

"Zinnia, first, I want to tell you about my profession." He sucked in a deep breath and let out, "I am a spy."