I've been avoiding him today, I remained locked in my room, I mean room. It's no more mine anymore. I couldn't face him after last night.
I might have left him with parting words but a part of me feels bad, it isn't by choice that his heart chose someone else. I love him, I do but I can't force him to see me in a certain way or reciprocate my love, it wouldn't be fair to the both of us, because at the end of the day he'd be kept away from his true love and I'd be left heartbroken.
A bigger part of me feels relieved that I voiced out something. I don't like when he shouts or yells at me, it hurts my feelings and makes me feel small. It hurts more when the person you love does something like that to you.
I couldn't control my mouth and sure had to release something, it might have been a mistake but right now, I'll stand by what I said.
"Sweet girl, I was about to come up there and force feed you. Don't scare me like that." Maria says, rushing over to my side, leading me to a chair.
All too soon, a plate full of food is set before me and my stomach chooses this time to grumble.
"Thank you." I murmur.
"Look at that, starving yourself. One day you are going to kill yourself. " Sarah scolds, folding her arms as she stands by one of the cupboards.
" I'm okay, ladies you don't have to worry." I tell them, digging into my food.
"Ofcourse we worry, you're like a daughter to us." Maria mentions, plopping down on the opposite seat, tea in hand.
" Yes and we have all the right to scold you, now eat up before I force feed you." Sarah says, pointing at herself, giving off a serious face.
" Yes mam." I do a small salute before digging into my food. The minute I start is the moment I can't stop. Gosh I didn't think I would be this hungry.
" He won't eat, said he wasn't hungry." Nia says, entering into the kitchen and placing the untouched food on the table.
I stop eating all together." What do you mean he doesn't want to eat, surely he ate in the morning?" I ask worriedly.
" Um no, he didn't." Nia responds, biting on her nail nervously.
I close my eyes to calm myself down before opening them up again and rising to my feet. "Where are you going, you have to finish your food." Maria says.
"Oh I need to do something first." I say sweetly right after sipping on my drink.
I turn to Nia.
Nia is a part time maid, she's Maria's God daughter and is still studying to become a social worker, she's engaged to a boy named Cole and the two are madly in love. Nia is a year younger then me and she is a sweet girl, she came to work when I first arrived here and has been a sweetheart ever since.
" What's he doing now?" I ask her.
" Um he's reading a book." She says, tucking her dark red dyed hair behind her ear.
Keith, reading a book?
Well he was reading one yesterday, yours to be exact. My consciousness tells me.
Yeah but he was checking it out, not actually reading. I argue with my conscious.
He was reading.
I shake off all these thoughts and smile at everyone before taking the food and heading upstairs, preparing myself for an argument.
A knock later and finally entering his room, I stand by the door for a minute, just looking at him being so into my book. I can't believe he's reading right now and not on his phone. This deserves a hallelujah.
He didn't eat remember. I remind myself.
" Keith?" I say, stepping in further.
" Hmm." Keith glances up for a second, before returning to the book. As I am just about to move in further, he looks up again.
" Akiandra." He breathes, sounding surprised in my ears as he places the book aside and just stares at me.
Why is he surprised?
I walk over to sit right next to him. " Keith you haven't eaten and that's not right, here." I tell him, placing the tray on his lap.
He looks me in the eyes for a second before taking the spoon and digging in. He didn't even argue, this is a first.
Well he's eating, so there's no need for me to be here any longer.
I get up off the bed and start for the door." Akiandra....." I stop in my tracks, my back facing him.
"Stay." He tells me.
" I can't." I say.
" Akiandra...."
" No I can't. " I turn around to face him." I can't, that would be wrong to your new woman, an insult even, to your new relationship." I quickly say.
" Kea listen - "
" No. I won't be your wife for much longer, there's someone new in your life and I need to respect that. She deserves respect, not to be humiliated by me, I won't do it. I'm not that kind of woman." I tell him before rushing out of his room and heading to mine which seems so far now because it's at the end of the hall.
Entering into my room, I slam the door shut, breathing hard and leaning my back against it. I should have known going back there would be a mistake, it was better when I avoided him .
I just had to worry. Oh but he's my husband. "Not for long." I argue with my mind, pushing off the door and heading over to sit on my bed.
Nothing right seems to come from us being in his room, so from now on I'll just stay in my old one and avoid him, until I leave. Talking about leaving, why don't I?
The sound of my phone ringing breaks me out of my thoughts .
"Hello. " I answer, expecting just about anyone since I didn't exactly check the caller ID.
"Buttercup hey." London.
"Hey London, it's so nice to hear from you but wait - How did you get my number?"
" Theresa gave it to me. I just wanted to check how you were." He tells me, bringing a smile upon my face on him caring about me.
" You don't trust your sister. " I smirk at that.
" I do, just that I wanted to hear it from you, besides you know how you girls are with keeping secrets, we can never get the full story, only the edited version."
" Hey I beg to differ. It's more guys then girls, you never let us in and you expect us to know what you're thinking, while you remain silent."
" Um I'd say you're speaking about girls in that aspect. You're teddy bears compared to us, sometimes us guys prefer to deal with things our way."
" You guys are difficult yet claim to be simple." I trail off, now thinking about Keith and how he's been surprising me, especially with his moods. You'd swear he was on his man periods or something.
"Why do I feel like we aren't talking just about any guys now but your husband?" London speaks up after a minutes silence.
I don't say anything. "Akiandra, you still there?"
" Um yes, I just - oh um London I'll have to call you back." I say, hearing something outside my door.
"Oh alright, stay safe and please don't let him make you cry." He adds the last part before hanging up.
" Come in." I tell whoever is on the other side of the door.
The door opens and that's when I hear Keith's voice." I've got it, you may go thank you." He says to whomever is next to him before entering my room.
I jump from my bed, nervously ringing my fingers together as I stand on the other side of the bed. Instead of speaking, he takes the mug full of steaming hot chocolate and places it on the bed side table.
I watch him with careful eyes as he leans back into his full height, just looking at me. Why is he in my room?
" Why are you out of bed?" I ask, not able to handle the silence any longer.
"Maria has brought your hot chocolate." He tells me, gesturing towards the hot chocolate.
"Oh." I look at it on the other side.
Why does it have to be all the way over there?
I press my lips together before walking over to crawl on the bed and reach for the mug, only for his hand to wrap around it first. My hand stops mid air.
" Who were you talking to?" He asks.
" A friend. " I quickly say, reaching for the mug again, only for it to be moved out of the way.
"Who?" He asks.
" Keith - " I say, trying to take the mug.
"Who Akiandra?" He repeats on gritted teeth.
Oh no, he's about to get angry again and I can't handle that.
" It's London, my friend. Now can I please have my hot coco?" I say, reaching for it, only for him to take it and head towards the bathroom.
" Keith what are you doing? " I say following him, only for my jaw to drop when I watch him throw everything in the sink.
" W-what are you doing that's my coco!" I shriek in shock.
He throws the mug in the bin and slowly turns to me." London, the same boy you live with?"
" He's my neighbour and friend." I correct, clenching my hands into fists, still upset over what he just did.
"Friend ha!" He laughs a single humourless laugh, surprising me.
What has gotten into him?
" You need to leave my room. " I tell him, walking out of the bathroom and into my room.
"Oh why? - So you'll call your little boyfriend London." He mocks.
I spin around to face him, where he's leaned by the door frame." What are you saying? He's not my boyfriend - he's my -."
" Yeah right ,friend. Oh please, you think I'll believe that when you've been cosy just a few days ago."
" Cosy? What does that even mean - you can't be serious to think - ."
" Oh don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about." He pushes off the wall and slowly stalks towards me." I saw you, at the bar that night, you busy dancing and being comfortable in his arms. I watched you through the window. How could you?" My eyes widen.
He saw me dancing with London. Oh my gosh, he must have thought." Keith. "
"Don't try and explain, I know what I saw but I didn't stick around to find out what happened later, or the days you would be neighbourly to him. Here you are acting all innocent. Akiandra the innocent wife huh, little we know of her."
" Keith!" I say in shock of his insinuation.
" Little we know of the Akiandra Thompson, someone who's shy and sweet, yeah right. I must say you know how to play the character well, you almost got me there. Oh wait character- do you even have such a thing, no!" I slap him so hard at the end of his sentence, tears coming down my face, breathing hard and my hand burning from the impact.
" Keith Anthony Salvatore! " Someone shouts barging in through the door. Maria.
"You better get out of this room before I slap you so hard!" She shouts.
I've never heard her raise her voice before, this is a first.
My eyes droop low. I hear him walk past me and soon the door slams shut. I jump at the impact. Silence surrounds the room.
" Akiandra - " I hold up my hand to silence her.
" Please Mrs Maria, I need a moment alone." My voice cracks at the end, not having strength to say any more.
There's a pregnant silence." I'll leave you be, excuse me." She says right after and I hear her leave and once the door is closed, a cry releases from me.
I try muffle my cries but even then it's hard to hold anything in.
How could he say such things to me? Such things a husband should never utter to his wife, never. But he did. He did it to me.
I drag my body to the bathroom and stare myself in the mirror. Red puffy eyes stare back at me, as more tears roll down my face. They keep coming and I can't stop them. Like the big headache forming.
Opening up the medicine cabinet, I decide to take two pills to relieve myself of the headache. It's one of those hectic ones where you find yourself squinting your eyes.
He did this to me. He hurt me beyond repair this time and I don't know how I can come back from this.
With a shaky breath, eyes still on the mirror, I slowly take off my clothes, wanting to get rid of everything, for I feel dirty right now.
Stepping into the shower, not even caring if the water is cold, all I care about is washing off every type of insult, humiliation and dirtiness I feel right now.
I'm tired, beyond exhausted.
I can't feel, think or breathe. It's hard to do so when my chest is twisting in pain and my heart isn't beating in its normal rhythm. Nothing is the same anymore, nothing is right anymore.
' Do you even have a character, no!'
So much anger, venom in those words as accusation was thrown to me. He should have thrown mud water on me to finish the job.
I'm beyond hurt, I can't even describe it. I just have no words.
Stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around myself, I walk out of there and walk over to lay on my bed. I don't have any strength anymore, I'm too tired.
I believe it when I say it now. I'm tired of waiting.