I don't hate you

"You don't want to know" he said smirking, I don't know how but sadness enveloped me and my smile fell.

His hatred towards me was to much for me to take

"Excuse me " i said and before anyone could say anything I walked out of there.

I need fresh air, his negativity was suffocating me.

Soon I found myself the clam and chilly backyard, goosebumps were rising on my exposed skin and a chill went down my spine

I looked up at the night sky, watching the twinkling stars, tears burning my gaze.

Suddenly I felt warm and the warmth was coming from a shawl which was wrapped around me from behind

"Why you do hate me so much?" I asked without looking at the person, because stupid enough I knew who it is.

"I don't hate you" he said in his deep husky voice

I shivered but not just from cold.

We sat on the stone table side by side, both of us looking forward. His cologne was intoxicating

"Then why do you keep running away from me?" I asked and turned to face him. My eyes has unshed tears in them

"You already know why" he said not meeting my eyes.

"No" he looked at me intensely "i don't know. And I won't know until you tell me yourself, Im not a mind reader Tyler you need to tell me why you are so distant from me. I just want to know" I cried looking him in the eyes

"Because.." he looked unsure

"Because what" I whispered looking at the grass beneath my feet

He placed his forefinger under my chin and make me look at him, his expression was pained, full of hurt

"I don't want to fall for you" he said and leaned so his forehead touched mine "again"

I looked at his eyes and moved closer and hugged him tight, he pulled me closer by wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I don't want to lose you " I said burying my face in his chest, his arms tightened around me.

"You already lost me " he said and I looked at him to see his jaw clenched and his hold was begging to hurt me.

"You lost me when you left me" his voice was so cold and heart piercing "you lost me when you decided our relationship was not good enough for you" he was suffocating me in his hold now. " and you lost me when   you thought our relation was not worth fighting for"

I tried to push him to get free but held me painfully close.

"Do you feel this?" He asked looking down at me with fury in his eyes. "The feeling of hopelessness, a feeling where you can't do anything " he grabbed my arms and squeezed them harshly, it might leave a mark

Angry tears were leaking down his face and tears of pain were leaking down mine.

"This is how I felt when I heard you left town, left your family, left me" he whispered the last part.

I quit struggling because honestly I was worth it.

He thinks I think that our relation was not worth fighting for?

"But your mother -" I started but he cut me off.

"A single comment from a mother who was at the verge of losing two of her children made you feel so bad that made you run for the hills? A pained expression made you so hopeless that you left your own mother to suffer, who had nobody but you? Come on tell me" he yelled and pushed me aggressively. And I stumbled back

"Except it Aria it is you being a coward who couldn't handle blame and ran away. Forget about me" he was so furious now.

Every work coming out of his mouth was stabbing me like a knife, leaving back open wounds.

"Did you even for a single moment thought about Alice, your MOM. Who had been trough so much to just to have you. You are worst then you father" he yelled I  my face

And I broke down "stop-" I said but he shook his head

"No I'm not gonna stop, you know I'm right your father didn't hurt her much as much as you did. You left her for a stupid comment from a mother who was losing her children without her fault. Except your mistake and stop using my mother's words to cover up your mistake" he yelled breathing heavily and pulling his hair

"I'm not using her as an excuse ok" I stood up and yelled at him with tears running down my face.

"I thought my mom would have a better life without a stupid, Moody and suicidal mistake. A mistake which was stopping her from moving on. A mistake was which she can't undo." I yelled grabbing his hoody and pulling him close to me.

"A mistake which killed her dreams to have a happy family and a loving partner. A person she could grow old with" both of us were breathing heavily and our hot breath were mixing together

"I left so she can have a better life. I left so you can have a better life, a life where you could spend with someone who was not as fucked up as me" I yelled and pushed him away

"I except I was a coward but don't you dare say a word about our relation because it's worth more then anything in this world" I whispered looking at him who was slowly regaining his breath

"I couldn't see you suffer like I see my mother suffer every day" I said taking a step back

"I thought being with me will only cause you pain" I said and took another step back but he started taking steps towards me.

"I thought you deserve someone better then me" he held my arms and pulled me closer to him where there was only a centimetre gap between our lips and our heavy breaths were mixing together

"Then why do you want me back now" he whispered touching his forehead with mine.

"Because I'm selfish and I want you all to myself" I said and connected our lips and kissed him with all my might.

He stood frozen but kissed me back with same amount of passion. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled closer even if was not possible

He held my waist tighter then before and we were lost in pain, sorrow, hate and lastly unexplainable love