Self-Hate

Self-Hate
Derek's POV

I groaned as I slowly came to, my body aching all over. But as I felt someone holding my hand, I tensed up, my mind racing with questions. Who was it? And why were they holding my hand?

I turned my head to see who it was, and part of me hoped it was Rachael. I didn't want her to see me like this, weak and vulnerable, but at the same time, I longed for her presence.

But as I saw my mother's face, my hope turned to disappointment. She looked as if she had been crying, her eyes red and puffy, but I was the least impressed. I was shocked that she was even there, but I refused to fall for her act.

I knew my mother all too well. She was a master manipulator, always playing the victim to get what she wanted. And I wasn't buying it. Not this time.

I slowly sat up, wincing in pain as I moved. My mother tried to assist me, but I pushed her away, not wanting her help. I asked her coldly, "Why are you here?"

She didn't look shocked by my tone, probably because she was expecting it. She replied calmly, "I came to see you, Derek."

I raised an eyebrow, my curiosity piqued. "Who told you I was here?" I asked, my voice still cold.

She hesitated for a moment before responding, "Peter told Regina, and then Regina told Daniel, who eventually told me."

I chuckled darkly, my sarcasm dripping from my voice. "Wow, that's a lot of telling."

My face turned serious as I pointed out, "It seems like there's a lot of communication going on between you and your other son." I emphasized the word "other", emphasizing that I didn't consider myself to be her son, not anymore.

I could see the hurt look in her eyes as she gazed at me, but I didn't care. I asked her, my voice cold and detached, "How long have you been here?"

She replied, her voice trembling, "I've been here for five hours."

I snorted, my lip curling in disgust. "You're a creep for staying with someone for that long, especially someone who doesn't want you here."

Her eyes turned teary as she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, "Derek, please forgive me for what I did to you."

I smirked, my eyes narrowing. "What exactly are you apologizing for?" I asked. "Are you apologizing for neglecting me as a child? Or for pouring all your anger towards my father onto me?"

My mother broke down, her body shaking with sobs. "Everything," she whispered, her voice cracking. "I'm guilty, Derek. There's no excuse for my actions. It was all my fault."

I pressed my lips in anger and frustration. "Get out," I said, my voice low and menacing. "I don't want to see you. I didn't need you then, and I don't need you now."

She cried, holding my hand and kneeling beside my bed while voice shook with sobs. "Please, Derek, forgive me. I haven't been able to sleep, thinking I'd lost you for good. I don't understand why I was so blinded by hate. I hurt my own family, and for what?"

She paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I came from a poor background, and your father's family always belittled me. I developed so much self-hate, and I was so bitter that I made everyone around me bitter too. I'm sorry, Derek. I'm so sorry for everything."

I listened to her words, still indifferent, but something about her explanation struck a chord within me. I told her, my voice still detached, "Enough, Vivian. I've heard enough."

But then I surprised myself by continuing. "You know, I didn't really hate you all those times. I understood you. I saw you crying every night in your room when I was young. I knew why you were crying. I knew what my father did to you. He was a monster, and he destroyed you."

I paused, my voice cracking with emotion. "And I hated how I came out of it. I was the outcome of a rape, a reminder of what my father did to you. He rejected me, and you... you despised me. Sometimes I wished you'd actually aborted me."

Her eyes welled up with tears, and she shook her head. "I couldn't do that, Derek," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. "A part of me wanted to keep you. Not to punish you for what your father did, but to show my mother-in-law and the world that regardless of what happened, they'd never see me break down. You were my strength, Derek. My reason to keep going."

I gently stroked the back of her hand, a small gesture of forgiveness. "You know, Vivian, I've always secretly admired you," I said, my voice softening. "You built your company from scratch, and despite everything that happened to you, you managed to thrive. I know nobody's perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. I'm willing to move on, but it's going to take time."

Her eyes welled up with tears again, but this time, they were tears of gratitude. "I'm ready to wait, Derek," she said, her voice trembling. "And I'll do my best to be a good mother to both you and Daniel."

I smiled, feeling a sense of closure, but before I could say anything else, the door burst open, and Rachael stood in the doorway, panting heavily. She looked as if she had just run a marathon. When she saw me, relief spread across her face, and she took a step forward.

I opened my arms, and she quickly jumped into my embrace. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close as she buried her face in my chest.