Chapter 51.2-2

So I continue to fight the urge, especially when a part of me hopes that by getting what he needs, eventually I'll get what I want. Sighing when Ben doesn't respond, I throw my hand over his shoulder, pulling him with me to go to Kiley's. We stroll comfortably, one of the guards following behind us as always, "You know - I'm really okay Ben," I tell him, hoping to ease a bit of his worry. "Are you?" he stops abruptly looking at me, having grown a good two inches since we arrived on the island, especially since he already had his shift. His blue eyes reminding me of daddy's, the only difference is I know that Ben always have and does see me. He isn't merely looking at me, and taking everything at face value, he looks at me and its as though he see's my heart. Shrugging, I huff heavily. "I'm not going to hurt myself again," I whisper, knowing that those are the words he probably needs to hear, to tamper down his fears, "And it's not because of anyone, it's for myself." I mean the words I tell him right there. "Do you understand?" I didn't at first when Uncle Grant told me. When Ben shakes his head, I push us over to a large fallen tree trunk, "You know when someone is doing something hurtful to them selves, and they try to stop but they don't do it for themselves, it doesn't seem to work." "You have to get better for you, not hurt yourself because you don't want too?" his brows smooched together, puzzlement written all over his face, but I smile brightly when he says it perfectly. Nodding I kick some small pebbles at my feet, "I know you're worried I'd do something like that again, because I'm sad that Kieran doesn't want to be around me," he nods. "It's different Benny, I can be sad that he doesn't want me around and not want to hurt myself... and even though I am hurting inside, I know that Kieran thinks he's protecting me by pushing me away so," I don't know how to put it all into words without confusing Ben and myself at that. We sit silently side by side, Ben eventually stands, coming in front of me, opening his mouth, closing it each time, until he finally just blurts out, "Do you know what happened to Kieran Oakley?" Blinking, I shake my head. "No... I mean he has scars, so I think someone hurt him, that much I can tell." His fists at his side, Ben looks behind me, his blue eyes focused there and they begin to well up, "Kayla has scars too," the words whispered between gritted teeth and his blue eyes start to darken. "I've seen them," I agree not sure where he's going with this. He opens his mouth, closing it again, shaking his head, Ben looks down at his feet, inhaling deeply, and after a while I see his shoulders deflate, almost hunched down. Sighing, he meets my eyes again, and whatever had just happened seemed to have passed. When we stand, turning to head to Kiley's, the Hayes, all of them, are already on their way down the path leading to where Ben and I stopped. Going to Kiley, I note the dark circles under her eyes, the red that makes her eyes stand out, and the paleness in her skin. She's away from the rest of the family, walking a few steps a head of the others, while her mothers eyes dance between Kiley and her older sister Justine. Her father - Marlon - and mother, as well as Anthony, much more subdued than the to sets of twins, that immediately run shrieking after one another, Ben included. "How are you?" I ask when the others go straight inside the gate to the backyard and Kiley and I are alone. Kieran may have pushed me away, but what Kiley was dealing with, her sister and mate, together... that was worse. Her bottom lip shakes and she swallows, gulping as though she can't breath, doing so until finally she calms again, and that mask she came up with is firmly back in place. Then she answers, "You want to go somewhere else?" the words almost a plea. I glance back at everyone in the yard, all the different children playing, before dragging my eyes up to the window that is Kieran's room, and then back to Kiley, I nod. The guard still near by, follows us away as we decide to head over to Tera's, spending the day there, watching movies. Long after the barbeque at Chelsea's is over, Lux, outside waiting with Ben, comes to walk us back home. Walking behind them, I remain silent, drained without having done much of anything today, I enter the house leaving Ben outside with Lux, greeting and telling both uncle Grant and aunt Julia goodnight, before going straight to my room. Then, I see it. The box - slightly larger than a jewelry box - that wasn't there when I left this morning. Wooden, dark brown, the top plane and smooth. I run a single finger over it, lifting it I hear something move from inside, and underneath it, a folded piece of paper. Crossing my legs after I sit on my bed, I put the paper aside, and carefully examine the carved box, letting my finger trace over the swirls around the entire thing, turning it to the front. I smile when I figure out the design all starts with the letter 'O' in the front, the vine like swirls starting from that center point. Lifting the top that comes off complete, a beaded object is the only item inside. The smile on my face growing as I place the box on the bed, and lift what I see is a beaded bracelet. On white twine, it's not a perfectly made item the beads aren't all the same size, they aren't identical, but as I roll one between my finger and thumb I note that it's as smooth on my skin as the top of the box it was in. my heart racing I pick up the piece of paper finally, opening it, my mouth drops open, as tears fill my eyes. I miss you. M.K. The letters in messy block childlike print, I release a shaky sigh, the tears roll down my face, as I cry silently.