Chapter 185
Ellie's POV
The notification pinged at 11:47 PM, four days before the full moon.
New membership request: Conall
My finger hovered over the approval button, every muscle in my body tensing. I knew that username. Of course I knew it—Lucas had told me his wolf name years ago, back when we shared everything, back when I thought our bond was unbreakable.
He actually did it. He's reaching out.
Thalia stirred in my consciousness, a low growl rumbling through our shared headspace. "The one who abandoned you. The one who chose a human over pack."
"He's also hurting," I whispered to the empty safe house. "And we need every wolf we can get."
Jackson's hand settled on my shoulder, warm and grounding. He'd been reviewing network security logs but had clearly noticed my sudden stillness. "You don't have to approve him tonight. Take your time."
"No." I took a deep breath. "The whole point of this network is giving wolves choice. He's choosing to come back. I can't let personal history override that."
I clicked Approve.
Within seconds, a private message appeared:
Conall: Thank you for giving me a chance. I know I have no right to ask for forgiveness, but I want to try to do something. Anything. I'm so tired of being useless.
I stared at the words, at the vulnerability bleeding through every awkward sentence. This wasn't the confident Lucas I'd grown up with, the one who always knew what to say. This was someone broken, scrambling for solid ground.
I didn't reply. Not yet. Instead, I let the message sit on my screen, a weight I wasn't quite ready to lift.
Jackson leaned over, reading the text. "He sounds like he means it."
"Maybe." I closed my laptop. "Or maybe he's desperate enough to mean it right now. We'll see if it lasts."
I woke to another message, this one much longer. Lucas—Conall, I had to remember to think of him that way here—had written what could only be described as a confession.
Conall: I've been thinking about what happened. Not just Halloween night—though that keeps replaying in my head like a horror movie I can't turn off—but everything before. The whole year. Longer, maybe.
After they took Samantha away, after Mom had to use the wolfsbane extract to force me back, I couldn't sleep for three days. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw her face. The terror. The betrayal. I did that to her, Ellie. I chose to date a human, chose to keep secrets, chose to believe I could control everything. And when it all fell apart, she paid the price.
But here's the thing I couldn't face until now: I was a monster long before I shifted in front of her. I used you. For years, I used you.
You were my "safe" option. The one Mom approved of, the one who understood what I was, the one I could always count on to be there. I treated you like a guarantee, like you'd wait forever because our families expected it. I never asked what YOU wanted. I never really SAW you—your dreams, your fears, the way you were struggling just as much as I was.
When Samantha showed up, she was everything you weren't: fragile, human, uncomplicated. Or so I told myself. She needed me in ways you never seemed to. You were always so strong, Ellie. So capable. It was easier to chase someone who made me feel like a hero than to admit I was terrified of disappointing you.
But you know what I learned these past few months? You were never "okay." You were just better at hiding it. And I was too selfish to look beneath the surface.
I'm not asking you to forgive me. I don't deserve that. I just... I need you to know I finally understand. You weren't my "should have." You were the best friend I ever had, and I threw it away because I was too much of a coward to be honest with either of us.
There was this night, about two weeks after everything happened. I shifted alone in Pine Trail—had to, the moon was pulling too hard. And I almost lost it, Ellie. I could feel Conall wanting to run toward campus, toward people, toward disaster. But then I heard your voice in my head. Not literally, just... the memory of you telling me to breathe, to count, to find something to anchor myself.
You saved me even when you weren't there. You've been saving me my whole life, and I never once said thank you.
I don't know if this network will change anything. I don't know if I can ever make up for what I did. But I'm here, and I'm trying, and for the first time in forever, I'm not running away.
My hands trembled as I set down my phone. The message was raw, honest in a way Lucas had never been—not with me, maybe not with himself.
Lily stumbled out of the bathroom, hair wrapped in a towel. "You okay? You look like you're about to cry."
"Just... an email." I forced a smile. "Someone apologizing for something. It's complicated."
"The good kind of complicated or the 'I'm gonna have to hide a body' kind?"
Despite everything, I laughed. "Still figuring that out."
I picked up my phone again and typed a short reply:
Thalia: Pine Trail clearing. Tonight at 7. We need to talk face-to-face.