Chapter 48 Why Did You Mark Me?
Maddie Pov
I couldn't sleep again. Every single night was exactly the same. I was lying in bed. I was staring at the ceiling. I was thinking about everything I shouldn't be thinking about. I was feeling everything I shouldn't be feeling. The mark on my neck throbbed like it knew I was thinking about him. It felt like it was punishing me for caring about someone who didn't care back.
I checked my phone. It was midnight. The witching hour. The time when everything felt worse. When loneliness felt heavier. When the mate bond pulled harder.
I threw off my covers and got out of bed. I got dressed in dark clothes and grabbed a jacket. I needed air. I needed to move. I needed to do something other than lie there drowning in my own thoughts.
The campus was quiet at this hour. Most students were asleep. A few lights were still on in dorm windows. They were probably people studying. Or doing whatever normal people did at midnight. I walked without any specific direction. I just moved. I just existed in the cold night air.
My feet carried me to the back of the gym without consciously deciding to go there. This was the place where Elara and I trained. This was the place where I could be myself. This was the place where I didn't have to hide.
But tonight I wasn't here to train. Tonight I just needed somewhere quiet. Somewhere dark. Somewhere I could think without being interrupted.
I sat down in the shadows behind the building and leaned against the cold brick wall. I let the darkness surround me. I let myself finally feel everything I had been pushing down all day.
Calix had saved my life. Again. He had risked himself to catch that beam. He had moved faster than should have been possible. He had protected me even though he claimed not to care.
His body pressed against mine had felt right. The mate bond had roared to life between us. For those few seconds everything had been perfect. Everything had made sense. Everything had felt the way it was supposed to.
But I could feel him through the bond. I could feel what he actually felt beneath the lies. I could sense the truth he was trying to hide. He did care. He cared too much. That's why he was pushing me away.
The question was why. Why push away someone you care about? Why reject your mate? Why fight something that was meant to be?
"Because he's scared," Gory said quietly in my head. "Because his curse has taken everyone he has ever loved. Because he thinks loving you will kill you."
"That's stupid," I said out loud to the empty air. "I'm not like the others. I'm his mate. The bond will protect me."
"Will it?" Gory asked. "You don't know that for certain. Nobody does. The mate bond is strong but his curse is ancient. It's powerful. It's dark. There's no guarantee."
I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. "So what am I supposed to do? Just accept that I'll never be with my mate? Just live with this bond pulling me toward someone I can't have?"
"Or you could fight for him," Gory suggested. "You could make him listen. You could make him understand that you're not afraid of his curse. That you're willing to risk it."
"He won't listen to me," I said. "You saw how he acted today. He made it very clear he doesn't want me around."
"His words said that," Gory said. "But his actions said something completely different. He saved your life Maddie. He risked exposing himself. He risked everything. That's not the behavior of someone who doesn't care."
She had a point. His actions and his words didn't match. They never had. He said cruel things but did protective things. He said he didn't want me but kept saving me. He said the mark meant nothing but never tried to reject the bond.
"I need to talk to him," I said. I made the decision. "I need to really talk to him. No running away. No deflecting. Just honest conversation about what we both want."
"When?" Gory asked.
"Now," I said. I stood up. "Right now before I lose my nerve."
I pulled out my phone and texted him before I could change my mind.
"We need to talk. Meet me behind the gym. Now. Please."
I hit send and watched the message deliver. I waited for a response. None came. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe he was ignoring me. Maybe he wouldn't come.
But I would wait. I would wait all night if I had to. I would wait until he came or until the sun rose. Whichever came first.
Ten minutes passed. Then twenty. I was starting to think he wouldn't show. I was starting to think I had been stupid to even try. I was starting to think about going back to my dorm and pretending this never happened.
Then I felt him. The bond pulled suddenly. Violently. He was close. He was getting closer. He was coming toward me.
A figure emerged from the darkness. He was tall. He was broad. He was unmistakably him. Calix walked toward me slowly. His hands were in his pockets. His face was guarded. His whole body language screamed reluctance.
"You came," I said. I tried not to sound too relieved.
"You said it was important," Calix said. He stopped about ten feet away. He kept distance between us. "What do you want Maddie?"
"I want answers," I said. I stepped toward him. "Real answers. Not the lies you've been feeding me."
"I haven't lied to you," Calix said. But his eyes wouldn't meet mine.
"Yes you have," I said. My voice was getting louder. It was getting angrier. All the emotions I had been holding back for weeks came flooding out. "You've been lying since the beginning. About the mark. About what you feel. About everything."
"I told you the truth," Calix insisted. "The mark was a mistake. A drunk mistake. Nothing more."
"Then why did you save me today?" I demanded. "Why risk yourself for a mistake? Why care if I live or die?"
"I don't care," Calix said. But his voice lacked conviction. "I just didn't want to see someone get hurt unnecessarily."
"Liar," I said. I took another step closer. "I can feel you through the bond. I can feel what you actually feel beneath all the lies. You do care. You care so much it's eating you alive."
Calix's jaw clenched. His hands came out of his pockets. They curled into fists at his sides. "Don't."
He walked away into the darkness and disappeared. He left me standing alone in the shadows behind the gym. He left me with a heart that hurt more than ever.