Chapter 40 I Don’t Care
Maddie Pov
He saw me coming. His eyes went wide. He straightened up from the wall. His whole body went tense like he was getting ready to run.
But I was faster. I reached him before he could escape. Got right up close. So close I could smell him. Could feel the heat coming off his body. Could see every detail of his face.
"Maddie," he said. His voice was strained. Warning. "What are you doing?"
"Something I should have done weeks ago," I said. My words were slurred but I didn't care. Didn't care about anything except this moment. This need. This want that had been eating me alive.
I grabbed his shirt collar with both hands. The fabric bunched in my fists. I pulled him down toward me. He was so much taller that I had to pull hard. Had to use all my strength to bring his face close to mine.
"Maddie stop," Calix said but his voice was weak. Uncertain. "You're drunk. You don't know what you're doing."
"I know exactly what I'm doing," I said. My lips were so close to his I could feel his breath on my face. "I don't care anymore."
"Don't care about what?" Calix asked. His hands came up to my waist like he couldn't help himself. Like his body was moving without permission.
"About anything," I whispered. "About all the reasons we're supposed to stay apart. I don't care about any of it."
"You should care," Calix said. His eyes were gold now. Bright. His wolf was close to the surface. "You should run from me. You should save yourself."
"I don't want to be saved," I said. "I want you."
Then I closed the distance between us and kissed him. Hard. Desperate. Pressing my lips against his like I was trying to prove something. Like I was trying to show him I meant it. Like I was trying to make up for all the weeks we spent apart.
For a second he didn't respond. Just stood there frozen. His hands on my waist went tight. His whole body went rigid.
I thought maybe I'd made a mistake. Thought maybe he didn't want this. Thought maybe I'd misread everything.
But then he kissed me back. His mouth moved against mine. Hot. Demanding. Desperate. Like he'd been drowning and I was air. Like he'd been dying and I was life. Like he'd been waiting for this just as long as I had.
His hands moved from my waist to my face. Cupped my cheeks. Held me like I was something precious. Something he couldn't let go of. His lips were soft but the kiss wasn't. It was rough. Hungry. Full of all the want we'd been holding back.
I tasted whiskey on his tongue. Sharp. Bitter. Mixed with something that was just him. Just Calix. The taste I'd been craving without knowing it.
The need in my chest exploded. Spread through my whole body like fire. Made me press closer. Made me kiss him harder. Made me forget we were in the middle of a crowded party with people watching.
His wolf growled low in his chest. I could feel the vibration against my body. Could feel how close he was to losing control. Could feel the danger radiating off him.
But I didn't care. Didn't care about danger. Didn't care about anything except this moment. This kiss. This feeling of finally having what I needed.
Someone whistled nearby. Someone else cheered. The party was watching us. Watching Calix Hawthorne and the wolfless girl making out like the world was ending.
Let them watch. Let them talk. Let them think whatever they wanted. None of it mattered. Nothing mattered except his mouth on mine. His hands on my face. His body against mine.
Calix pulled back just enough to speak. His breathing was heavy. Ragged. "We need to leave," he said against my lips. "Now. Before I lose control completely."
"Then lose control," I said. Kissed him again. "I don't care. I want you to lose control."
"Maddie," he said. His voice was rough. Desperate. "I'm serious. We need to go somewhere private. Somewhere people aren't watching. Somewhere I can't hurt anyone else if the curse takes over."
"Okay," I agreed. Anything. I'd agree to anything as long as it meant more of this. More of him. "Where?"
"Your dorm," Calix said. "It's closer."
He grabbed my hand. Started pulling me through the crowd. People moved out of our way. Stared. Whispered. I saw Simone across the room. Her face was twisted with fury. Her fists were clenched at her sides.
I should have cared about that. Should have worried about what she'd do later. But I couldn't think about later. Could only think about now. About Calix's hand in mine. About where we were going. About what was going to happen.
We burst out of the party and into the cold night air. It hit my face like a slap. Made me stumble. The alcohol was making everything fuzzy. Making my legs not work right.
Calix caught me before I fell. "Can you walk?" he asked.
"Yes," I said even though I wasn't sure. "Just go slow."
But we didn't go slow. We moved fast. Almost running across campus toward the dorms. The cold air should have sobered me up but it didn't. Just made me shiver. Made me press closer to Calix for warmth.
"Are you sure about this?" Calix asked as we climbed the stairs to my floor. "Because if we do this there's no going back. The bond will get stronger. My wolf will want to mark you. Everything will change."
"I'm sure," I said without hesitation. "I've never been more sure of anything."
We reached my door. I fumbled with my keys. Dropped them. Calix picked them up. Unlocked the door himself. Pushed it open.
We stumbled inside together. The door slammed shut behind us. Calix's hands were on me immediately. In my hair. On my waist. Everywhere at once.
"Last chance," he said against my neck. "Last chance to change your mind. Last chance to stay safe."
"I don't want safe," I said. Pulled his shirt over his head. "I want you."