CHAPTER ELEVEN

I strode into the restaurant where I and Ian had agreed to meet, I had rung up my supervisor and asked him for 'Agent Ian's number and thankfully he had given it to me without questioning me. I can swear I would have died from embarrassment if he had decided that he wanted to know about our working relationship' or what transpired the other day.

He wasn't here yet. I was partly grateful for that because I knew I needed some time to compose myself before he got here. It was also annoying that after all these years of trying to forget him and the hold he had on me, one look from him was all it took to make all those feelings come rushing back. I picked a table at the farthest part of the restaurant and gathered my wits about me, staring at my fingers splayed out on the table before me. I was quite absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't hear when Ian came up to me until I heard the scraping of the chair as he pulled it out and sat down.

"I'm sorry I'm late."

"At least you managed to show up and not run out of the country with your tail between your legs."

Yes, I knew that was harsh but I couldn't help it. I did that because I was still hurt and also because I was trying to distract myself from how good he looked in a tee shirt and jeans, he was even more ripped now. And it seemed like he had come here in a hurry because he had some sweat pooled at the neck of his shirt, and he looked even yummier in it. I wasn't the only one, the waitress too was whipped, she couldn't tear her eyes off him, and for whatever reason, that made me uneasy.

"If it's okay with you Miss, for the last time we won't be ordering now and we would want some privacy…or do I need to call someone?"

If looks could kill, I would most likely be dead by now, but I'm sure she could tell from the look on my face that I wasn't here to joke around. So, she did the right thing, turned around, and left.

"You scared her away." I could hear the amusement in his voice and I closed my eyes for a second and said a silent prayer. I needed all the help I could get through this luncheon.

"It was necessary, we need to talk and I want to get it done and over with. Except you want me to call her back, you've always had a thing for blondes if I remember correctly."

The last statement came out of my mouth so fast that I had said it before I even realized what I had said. I needed to stop doing this, I was hurt but I didn't want him to know that. He didn't need to know that he ruined me for any other man while he sat opposite me looking like he didn't have a care in the world.

"Arizona…"

"Forget about that, I didn't come here to talk about that." I choked back a sob and cleared my throat; I was going to treat this like a business meeting because it might as well be. We were going to be equal shareholders in Mikael's life…on my terms of course.

"I asked you to come here because of Mikael."

"I want to be in my son's life, Arizona. That's non-negotiable."

"I wasn't going to. I told Mikael about you last night. He wants to meet you."

I saw shock and happiness cross his face before he masked them back up, I didn't know what to make of that.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you all of a sudden want me to meet your son?"

"Because he needs a father. I was thinking of remarrying and giving him one but then you showed up and I guess you'll have to do."

"Remarry? And give my son to another man!?"

"Well, yes. It's not like I was going to wait for a man who got me pregnant and disappears."

"Arizona, are you ever going to forget about that day? I swear there is a story behind it, I would tell you but it's classified. Can you understand that?"

"Will you be taking responsibility or not?"

"Of course, I will. He's my son."

"Good. I'll text you my house address…"

"That won't be necessary, you forget that I know where your house is, Arizona."

"Oh, right. When you forced your way into my apartment and woke up my baby boy."

"If I had not done what I did, we wouldn't be here having this discussion and you know it."

I chose not to respond to that and instead signaled for a waiter to take my order. I almost groaned when the same annoying waitress came in his stead.

"Hello handsome, what would you be having?"

"Uhm…just give me a salad and some water."

"Nice choice, that is why you're so fit…which is more than what I can say for the lady. I guess you will be having a salad too, you don't need any extra fat."

"Excuse me!?"

"I mean just look at yourself, you look like…"

"You guys are perfect for each other, I'm leaving. I'll let Mikael know you're coming. Saturday, be there for breakfast, that is if you're not too busy entertaining blondie here or someone else somewhere else…Bye!!!"

I rose from my chair in rage and strode out of the restaurant with squared shoulders, making sure to brush little miss bitch. A satisfied smile crossed my face as I heard her try to regain her balance. I ran to my car and sped on home, reminding myself that this was all for Mikael and no one else.

As expected, Mikael was excited about the news, he couldn't wait for Saturday to come and hoped that day would last forever. I, on the other hand, prayed that maybe, somehow, by some divine providence, that he wouldn't show up.

***

Saturday came too soon for my liking and it saw me standing in front of my mirror trying to decide on the perfect outfit to impress my ex. Not exactly impress… I just wanted to look good, I wanted him to see that I had moved on just fine, that I was no longer pining for him or crying over the memory of our past. In the end, I settled for jean shorts that ended about two inches below my bum and a black t-shirt, I just packed my hair up in a bun and went to get Mikael ready. The doorbell rang as we were making our way to the kitchen. I strapped Mikael in his high chair and answered the door.

"Hey."

"Hey…come in."

Once again, my apartment felt small because a near giant had entered it. His eyes locked on Mikael and he made a beeline for him, after handing me some boxes of cereal and milk that I'm sure he just picked up from the grocery store on his way here. I placed the bag on the counter and emptied it. The cereal wasn't a brand that would have been my first choice but I guess that's alright, and the milk was not even for his age, it was for kids a year old. Mikael was three. I turned to him raising the tin of milk in my hand, tears almost came to my eyes when I saw him and Mikael gossiping and giggling like high school cheerleaders.

"Ian?"

"Yes."

"This milk is not for his age, just in case you've forgotten, it's been three years already, okay?"

I knew that was a little too harsh of me and I honestly didn't know what came over me but when I saw them…how they were together, and I think I began to feel insecure. And well…I guess I've proven time and again that I'm not completely the best thinker when I'm anxious or insecure. I saw the hurt on Ian's face after my outburst and it only added to my guilt, I shouldn't be, after all, he was the one who left me.

"Okay, I'll make sure to remember that next time. I'm sorry."

I knew that apology wasn't for the milk, it was for me, for abandoning me and for cheating on me and probably for every other thing he did and didn't know about. I didn't respond, I simply sat in the kitchen and cried silently to the sounds of father and son bonding. I can never get used to this, three years later and it still hurt like a bitch, but I was a mother now and I knew I was going to have to make this sacrifice for Mikael.

And that was exactly what I did, I played with them, laughed with them, and we even took a picture together…all the while pretending that all was right with the world.