Chapter Nine

My thoughts as frenzied as the blowing snow, I marched outside again. "Show me," I tried to say, but a sob seized my voice.

I think you might be smarter than me, Jade had told me once. It’s okay, though. I still love you and will help you take care of your babies in the future.

I’d snorted. I have a good teacher. And I love you too.

She’d hugged me and kissed me on the cheek, and I’d proceeded to kick her ass at math tables.

I'd always thought Jade was my sister, so finding her dead after finding out she was my real half-sister would be ten times worse. A real sister who'd been there for me since before she'd started to talk, nothing but a headache sometimes, but also the only person who acted like they cared most times. She was flawed, but I never once doubted she loved me, unlike my real, whole sister, Jia.

Jade couldn’t be dead. She had brains enough to know she'd never survive trekking through the Slipjoint Forest in winter. Not after her parents had gotten sick from the cold and then later died. Not after our never-ending preparations for winter that began right after the previous winter. She knew. Yet my heart disintegrated with doubt the farther I walked.

Even if she knew the risks, it might've been the only choice she felt she had. She might’ve prayed it was better than slavery.

Archer slipped his hand into mine while Thomas led the way. Grady brought up the rear with Sasha bundled in his coat. I screwed my eyes shut, not wanting to glimpse something I wasn't ready to see yet, and gripped Archer tightly.

He squeezed back, his touch always a comfort to my unease. "Remember to breathe."

I shook my head since I was afraid to do anything else.

"Around…'ere," Thomas said, the wind puncturing his words with holes.

We rounded the bottom of the hill we'd climbed earlier, this part steeper and harder to navigate around the large boulders. The end of my bow whacked against them, and then we stopped.

My nerves tied themselves up into knots. I blew out a short breath, and while keeping my eyes closed, I held out my arms for Sasha.

"Careful of her stitches by her left arm," Grady told me and handed her over.

Stitches. I swallowed hard as my hands closed over her warm, furry body, some of which was bound with wet cloth. I hadn't been ready to hear about stitches. I wasn't ready for any of this. She went willingly into my arms and licked my chin.

I nestled her closer, feeling the strength in her heartbeat. If this adorable wolf pup could survive all that she'd been through, so could Jade. I had to believe that.

Slowly, I opened my eyes. There in the snow lay a girl with one arm outstretched toward Lager's cabin. So close to a warm fire, but not close enough. Black hair swarmed around her head, the only sign of movement. Her bare hands had turned blue, and her thin blue coat and pants clung to her, stiff with a layer of snow.

She could've been Jade. She could've been anyone, even me if events had played out differently.

Grady crouched next to her while Archer kept to my side. Thomas stood over the girl, his golden-brown eyes on me.

"Ready?" Grady asked, his hands on the girl’s shoulders.

No. No, I would never be ready to stare into the face of a dead girl, yet I had to know. I jerked my head in a nod.

Gently, he turned her over and smoothed her hair behind her head. Just get it over with, I told myself, then I'd know for sure. After a shallow breath, I steeled my spine and squared my shoulders—then looked closer through Sasha's eyes.

It wasn't her. Even at first glance, I knew. I'd memorized her face before I went blind, and Jade's full lips curved downward in a natural pout and her long eyelashes seemed to fan across her cheeks when she blinked. This girl, whoever she was, had a slight nose with a mole on one side, a small mouth, and much fewer eyelashes framing her Far Eastern eyes. If anything, she looked more like me, which didn't make me feel much better.

"It's not her," I choked out and then turned back toward the cabin. The physical effort of coming out here to look had drained me worse than traveling by sleigh. The emotional effort left me shaking. I needed to sit down and not get back up again, at least until my bones had thawed and the possibility of Jade's death had faded.

Three sets of footsteps followed after me, and after Archer knocked on the cabin door and waited, Archer whispered, "Are you all right?"

I couldn't answer. The dead girl's face floated at the back of my mind, looking more and more like me. But I'd lost too much already. I couldn't die. I refused to die while I had the chance, however slim, to get back everything I loved. The girl didn't have that chance any longer, and she'd lost more than I had. I imagined there had been great pain and suffering behind her eyes before they'd turned vacant.

Lager's wife opened the door, and when her gaze landed on Sasha, she let out a yelp. "Is that a wolf?"

A sob cracked from the back of my throat. My chest heaving, I handed Sasha off to Archer and then buckled to my hands and knees. I vomited in the doorway, and finally, finally with that surge of heated sick, I felt something other than cold.

***

My eyes wouldn't stay open, so for days—weeks?—it was easier to keep them closed. Every once in a while, I heard voices murmuring and even laughter. Gibby, I thought, and Archer. Of course he would win her over in a heartbeat. Warmth from a hand, a fleeting touch, grazed my cheek or smoothed my hair, and sometimes a little wet nose or tongue would almost coax me out of this deep sleep. I wanted to wake up, but I was so warm, so relaxed.

"Are you hungry?" Lager’s wife whispered from far away.

My stomach answered for me.

She chuckled and set something down next to me that roused me with its hearty, salty smell.

I licked my tongue over cracked lips and rubbed them together as my mouth watered. "Was’yer name?" My voice didn't sound like mine, too groggy and muffled. Oh. A blanket covered half my face, so I tugged it down.

"Shayanne, but you can call me Shay."

"How long have we…been here?"

"Two days."

"Are they"—I gestured vaguely—"behaving or driving you crazy?"

"Three perfect gentlemen so far. All very concerned about you."

Even Thomas? But he was so…so… I fought to keep my eyes open.

"…dangerous…"

"Huh?"

Had she read my mind, or had I wondered about Thomas aloud?

"My husband isn’t the dangerous type, I said."

Awareness sliced back into me as my eyes widened. Her husband, Lager.

"I keep telling the men you came with this, but I can tell they don’t believe me." With a sigh, she picked up a spoon from the tray and stirred it into the bowl, the metal gently hitting the sides. "Think you can sit up to eat?"

Slowly, I lifted my weight with weak, shaky arms and scooted myself toward my pillow. The effort made my heart pound and a chill wind up my spine. She tucked the blanket around my waist to keep me warm, something Jade's mom used to do for her when she was sick. I always envied her for that, having a mom who cared.

"How long have we been here?"

"A day and a half," she said, setting the tray on my lap.

"It seems longer." I found the hot bowl with the spoon sticking out of it, but then I folded my arms across my chest. "You need this food for winter."

"We have plenty. Please. My husband is a good provider for me and Gibby, no matter what you might think of him."

"It isn’t about what I think of him—" I stopped myself with a spoonful of broth. It didn’t matter what I said anyway. Her thoughts about Lager had already been shaped as permanently as mine had. There was no changing them. Besides, no matter what I said or didn't say, she was feeding us and providing a roof over our heads. All because she thought that would save her husband.

The light, flavorful broth washed down my throat, and I felt ten times better already.

Shay cleared her throat. “Gibby’s asleep in my bed, so you can speak freely. You mentioned if I helped you, it might keep you from hurting Lager...further. You also mentioned herbs. I have plenty."

"I'm thinking too narrowly with herbs." I tipped the bowl to my mouth, the spoon's speed not able to curb my hunger. I gulped loudly until every last drop was gone and then wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. "What else do you have that can kill?"

With a shuddery breath, she rose and paced a short distance away. "Even if I had something, what would keep you from using it on my husband?"

"My word." Ha. Even I didn't believe me.

"Then you'd kill him another way and still technically keep your word,” she snapped. “I'm not stupid, Aika."

"I never thought that for one second," I admitted.

"Then don't treat me like I am. You want me to help you make your poison stronger. Why?"

"Because there are wolves in the Crimson Forest…"

She waited patiently while I placed my bowl on the tray and then settled myself back under the covers.

"But they're the wrong wolves," I continued. “Another pack took over by force, with my family’s original poison, because they couldn’t breed anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. The three men here with me and their…dog—”

“Wolf.”

I blinked at her.

“I know one when I see it.”

“Well, they’re all wolves. Wolf shifters. The four out there, plus one more pup we’re looking for, are the only ones left because of the pack that took over the Crimson Forest.”

She sucked in a breath as if she were about to say something but didn't.

"They can shift for you if you don't believe me."

"I believe you." She crossed toward me and sagged down on the edge of the bed, the fabric of her dress fluttering. I imagined it was a dress anyway, another gorgeous one. "We don't have forests in the Far South. It's mostly low shrubs and sand. There was one time when I was about fourteen, I looked out the window of my house and saw a wolf staring back. There were no footprints in the sand around it, not that belonged to a wolf anyway. Only a person's, and the wolf's eyes… I could see the intelligence there, a whole lifetime of memories and experiences that had brought it there outside my window. Then it ran off. I've thought about that moment again and again ever since wondering how, but…"

"You saw a wolf shifter."

"Yes. It was a hard admission to make so I didn’t, even to myself. My family was hard-working and practical, and they had no time for their teenage daughter's wild imagination. Except it wasn't my imagination."

"No."

She pushed to her feet again and paced the small room. "You mentioned a missing wolf pup. Do you have any idea where it is?"

"Somewhere in the Crimson Forest with Faust, the alpha of that other pack. Only female wolf shifters can find the ruby caves."

"So how will your wolves take the pup back with so few of them?" She swallowed loudly. "Oh. Poison."

"Yes. I've only had one interaction with Faust, and that told me most of what I need to know. Grady and Archer told me the rest. Faust doesn't care who he hurts. He takes pleasure from it. He shot Thomas with arrows until Archer agreed to play Catch, Kill, Release."

"What's that?"

"A cruel game Archer didn't know the rules to. Faust forced Archer to choose a wolf pup to catch. At that time, there were three. When he chose Sasha, Faust threw her at him. Then he made Archer kill one and then release one into the Crimson Forest. Ronin is her name."

"But…instead of releasing her,” Shay said, going still. “Faust took her instead."

"Yes."

Shay released a string of words I didn’t know the meaning of, but with the way her voice shook with anger and sorrow, I didn't need to.

"The pack is broken in all the ways it can be broken,” I told her. “It's their forest, their ruby caves, and I intend to help get them back." With poison. With violence. Whatever it took.

Shay went quiet. The truth had broken down some of her doubts, I could tell, and had further bared her heart. She cared. She might not want to, but she did. While she processed, her thoughts buzzed even louder than mine. She was smart enough to see through bullshit, so why not Lager's? Maybe he really did take over Baba's business by force only because the money would keep his family alive. Still, based on what I knew so far, Shay was too good for someone like him.

"I'll be right back," she finally said and then left the room, closing the door softly behind her.

I dozed while I waited, but when I didn't hear anything from the rest of the cabin, I grew too anxious to sleep. Surely nothing had happened to her, not with Thomas, Grady, and Archer here. Still, my nerves twitched, and after what happened at the church, I'd grown paranoid. At sound, at the lack of sound, and everything in between.

I hefted myself out of bed, my legs feeling awkward and heavy underneath me. Despite the crackling fire in here, a sharp chill scraped over my skin and burrowed up through the bare soles of my feet, so I wrapped myself up with the blanket the best I could. With my arms outstretched, I found the door and then made my way out into the living room. Soft snores rumbled from over by the fireplace—Grady's, and Sasha's cute little wheeze-squeak. In the room behind me, water splashed gently, and I assumed that was Archer bathing. The only one missing was—

"Thomas," I whispered, and at the same time, he rumbled, "Aika."

I could feel his gaze slide over me with a touch of suspicion and darkness, only this time it didn't make me squirm.

"How are you feeling."

"Better, thanks." The blanket slipped from my shoulder, but I didn't bother to fix it. No one seemed to mind my nudity, and there were too many other things to worry about than how exposed I was. "Have you seen Shay?"

"She put her coat on and went outside."

"Well, did she say where she was going?"

"I overheard you in there telling her about Faust."

"So I guess we're talking about this now. Not Shay." At his silence, I said, "Yes, you heard me."

"It wasn't your story to tell."

"That's a hell of a thing for you to say," I hissed, trying my best not to wake Sasha or Grady. "It is mine to tell. Like it or not, I'm as much a part of your pack as you are. Everything your pack feels, I feel. The hope before we tried to rescue Ronin and the devastation after we failed. All of us were poisoned, even me, and now I can see through you. We're joined, a wolf pack and a human, so get used to it."

A pause, then, "And if I don't?"

"It doesn't matter what you do. It matters what I do, and I will get the Crimson Forest back."

"With your poison."

"Do you have a better plan?"

Silence, which answered my question for me.

“Archer’s waiting for you in the bath,” he finally said.

That was a dismissal if I’d ever heard one. “Will you check on Shay if she’s not back soon?”

Maybe he nodded, or maybe he just probed at me with the power of his gaze.

With my back teeth slammed together, I turned. “Good talk, Thomas.”

I wanted to ask him more, like what he was hiding, whether he was really holding Baba captive, and why, in the short time I’d known him, had never once looked at Sasha. Never acknowledged her existence in the slightest. She was his sister’s, who hadn’t made it, sure, but…still. She was his too. But if I couldn’t make him answer simple questions, there was no way in hell he’d answer those.

Instead of giving him another thought, I knocked softly on the door with the splashes behind it. “It’s me, Archer.”

Then, I entered, and as soon as I shut the door behind me, I dropped the blanket, baring all of myself to him.