Chapter 133 The Real Problem
For years, William had carried his obsession like a secret fever, but now, the heat was turning into a chokehold.
The weight of his silence, of the unkempt obsession, of the pain had cursed his future. Turning him into a monster.
The first tear didn't fall, it escaped, followed by a stream of them.
A thin whimper broke from his throat, a sound so pathetic it rooted Arabella to the floor. She stared at him, not with love, but with terror.
“I was there…”
Impotent to carry the anguish anymore, he pushed her back as a miserable sobbing escaped his lips that he tried to cover by placing his wrist over his lips.
But it had zero effect. The tears spilled nonetheless, he couldn’t endure the silence anymore and gasped for air, steps stumbling back.
“I was right there when you wanted me all the damn time only to watch you saying ‘yes’ to my fucking brother while I stood with a ring in my hands!”
He was trembling, the man once possessed by a love, was not left with a sickness that destroyed his whole personality.
William didn’t know himself who or what he had become anymore.
“But not anymore, Arabella. I won’t let you go, not this time.”
Breathless, he tried to wipe the tears still they spilled, refusing to obey him and he became worse by each passing second.
“From my damned parents to my miserable fate, all of it automatically rips everything that belongs to me.”
His eyes narrowed, clutching his heart as a display of his anguish, a sobbing left his lips, booming in the room. The ability to tolerate circumstances perished.
In fact, he didn’t want to and let out the biggest complaint of his life.
“THIS IS WRONG! I DON’T DESERVE THIS! I DON’T WANT PAIN!”
He didn't care about the honeymoon or the beauty of the valley anymore. He only cared about the heartbeat in his palm.
And he wouldn’t let go of it, ever.
His hands mindlessly grabbed the frozen woman, dragging her to reality, forcing her to witness the heftiness of his silence.
"I would rather see you suffer in a cage than see you walk free in a world where I can't find you, Bella,”
Arabella stood frozen, her eyes wide with a new, freezing realization that left her trembling.
Her hand extended to hold him but he had gone beyond controlling. His mind stuck in a blurry, the haze had consumed his very soul.
And it won’t be cleared until he clears his heart.
“I have had you after losing everything. Do you think I will let go of the only treasure I have!?”
His nails dug onto her skin, imprinting a red mark unintentionally. Panting heavily, a screen of tears blocked his sight where he failed to catch a glimpse of her compassion.
“William, I promise I am not going anywhere, please hold yourself,”
Arabella tried to whisper, to hold his face and wipe the undesirable tears but he didn’t let her. On the brink of insanity, he pulled his hair, letting out deadly, painful cries that shook the windows itself.
All of it felt like a sick, twisted, lie that made him scream agonizingly.
“DO YOU THINK I WILL FREE THE ONLY THING I CAN CALL MINE?!”
“CAN’T YOU HEAR ME, DAMMIT!? I AM YOURS. I AM ALL YOURS!”
He flinched when she screamed back. He couldn’t believe it. His heart wanted to but the rationality in him declined.
Each time he let out a sobbing, Arabella’s breaths died too. She found it unendurable to hear him cry over something she did.
Sniffling, he roughly wiped his eyes, finally noticing her quivering, petrified state. Utterly a mess, her cheeks were stained with tears.
Gradually recovering from the hysterical condition, his shoulder loosened, closing their gap gradually. Shrinking his eyes, another soft, painful cry released.
“Then why are you so far from me, Bella? Why… Why do I lose you each time I try to come closer…?”
It was more a complaint towards his destiny than to her.
“You won’t lose me this time. I chose you over my world, I left it all back in America and came here with you.”
Inclining her head over his chest, her hands encased his side in order to ensnare him in a warm embrace. Snuggling, she kept him close, hoping her abnormal heartbeats would soothe the storm in his heart.
“There is nothing left in my life but you, William. Why are you not getting it?”
“Because I am terrified. I-I don’t want to experience heartbreak again… I can’t bear it…” He whimpered, holding her with the same desperation.
"Don't," he choked out, the word muffled by fabric and tears.
"Please... don't do it again. I'm begging you. Kill me instead but don’t test my limit for you. They don’t exist." He begged, holding her with all his might.
Afraid if he let it go, he would scatter- He would.
"Every time I can’t find you, the world ends. It just... it ends, Arabella. I don’t want to hurt you, don’t make it harder for me,” he whispered breathlessly, devastatingly.
Eyes shut close to be ignorant of the world. His fragmented heart sought her shore but was too afraid to accept it at the same time.
She wrapped her arms around his head, fingers caressing him cautiously, tracing his veins, the curves, leading upward to wipe his tears with her knuckles.
"I won't go," she whispered, her own tears soaking his shirt.
"I am staying. I am right here. I’ll never leave the house, I’ll never leave your sight if that’s what it takes.” Her palm pressed firmly against his wet cheek, hoping to eradicate his anguish.
“Just breathe, William. Please, just breathe for me."
He buried his face in her palm, refusing to open his eyes, “I do, all of my breaths have your name,”
“Then trust these breaths,” She promised, leading them to the bed.
She sat down on the bed but he sat on the ground, pressing his forehead on her knees as a sign of veneration. Her fingers twirled around his locks to comfort him.
He briefly immersed in the waves of peace but the hesitation in his heart declined to shred a single drop of pity on his state.
So he begged the one who could actually provide him with that.
“Bella… have mercy on me, grant me solace…”
“I will do whatever it takes to grant you that, I swear,” Her murmured came, washing relief all over him.
“Please, hold just a little faith in me. Give me another chance to prove I won’t leave you again, I promise,”
Whispering as gently as possible, she rested her forehead against his, cupping his face, her thumb pressing harder into his cheeks.
“Yes, you will…” He sniffled, lifting his watery gaze slightly with a vast amount of disappointment he never exposed before.
“Why do you say that when I promise to stay, William?”
“Because you are not the problem, Arabella,”
An empty but beautiful smile adorned his lip, confessing the truth.
“I Am,”