Chapter 131 Trying To Work Out
The next day, they were exploring the valley to cease the heaviness in their hearts, discarding what happened last night.
They were walking around in the dark and gloomy woods in the chilly atmosphere, creating an eerily comfortable moment, forgetting their troubles for the time being.
“Isn’t it peaceful, Bella?” William asked softly, his hand gripping hers firmly, with no intention of releasing.
She was staring at him, indirectly directing him and nodded with a pure smile.
“Yes, it is, very,”
He noticed what she meant yet pretended to ignore it and continued the walk, no longer sparking a conversation between them.
But, her eyes were locked on him keenly and his heart was slipping how it did last time.
‘Her attention, her devotion, her smiles- those sank me once. How can I save myself this time?’
William knew what she was endeavoring to attain. He knew what her purpose was behind this trip and it was highly unfavorable for him.
To embrace it wholeheartedly and fathom a future for them was hard.
He believed things wouldn’t be mesmerizing, that they would go downhill, that the existence of ‘love’ was a curse.
“William-”
He cut her off sharply, “It’s getting late. Let’s head back.”
“Oh, okay,”
In the evening, while they were having dinner, William’s appetite was absent, poking his steak over and over again.
Arabella noticed his exasperation and asked gently, “Not going to talk to me?”
“What do you want me to talk about?” He replied coldly.
“Anything.”
Her hand slowly led to his, placing her palm firmly over his cold one for assurance that failed to reach him.
“You already know everything,”
Removing his hand and picking the napkin to wipe his mouth rudely. His posture was slipping through the cracks.
“Even the secrets of your heart?”
He was silent for a few seconds, contemplating her tender features before liberating a disappointed chuckle.
Those words might be heartwarming but it reached him like an insult.
“What will you get by knowing them? What answer can gloom provide?”
“Why don’t we find out? Start sharing first,”
Her smile grew sorrowful, tilting her head to get a better glimpse of his face, stilling him for a moment. He disliked where this conversation was leading.
“I have told you, I am not used to sharing my pain, Arabella, I had always carried it in my heart,” Yet he gave an honest reply.
“Exactly. This is what made you what you are today, William,”
Her back straightened, eyes narrowing with a hopelessness, trying to induce some realizations in him.
“You collected your pain, your complaint, your desires in your heart to the point they became a poison,” She whispered, curling her lips in a hollow smile, hand extending to cup his cheek.
“And today, you are not only drinking it yourself but also forcing the ones around you drink it as well,”
His jaw clenched, grabbing her wrist to stop her hand mid-air, composure shattering bit by bit when he was struck with harsh realities.
“Then what do you say I do?”
“Share it,” she whispered, her voice trembling. “Give us a chance to fix what we broke-”
“No!” William slammed his hand onto the table, the glasses rattling which startled her at the unforeseen outburst.
“You can’t fix the past. You can’t fix our marriage. You can’t fix my heart. You can’t fix anything!”
Losing his breaths, he pointed a trembling finger at her, his voice breaking under the weight of his own bitterness.
“Heck, you can’t even eradicate a single pain of my heart, Arabella Grayson,”
He threw reality on her face, hitting her like a slap that blurred her vision due to tears. The heartbreaking reality tying to her shadow.
“So don’t talk about sharing pain or diminishing it when we both know you can’t,”
Leaving her stunned and disheartened, he walked away angrily, murdering words of hopes from her tongue.
Her teary gaze stared into nothingness, her teeth pressed together, barely able to control the slipping posture, pierced by his statements.
‘How can I convince you that I am here for you, William?’ She thought wretchedly, tears glistening in the corner, watching him going back to their room.
After a few suffocating moments, hoping his wrath would be settled, she decided to return to the room only to find William fast asleep.
A frown came to her lips because she was intending to overcome the dejection with affection but apparently, he was lying with his eyes closed and shallow breathing.
“William?” She called to check if he was awake or not.
He was. He just didn’t want to talk at the moment and continued the flawless act, maintaining the breathing.
He felt the bed dip as Arabella crawled in beside him. Usually, she stayed on her side, but tonight, she moved closer.
He could sense the melancholia emitting from her. He knew his words pierced her heart.
His body shivered at the proximity, her hot breaths tingling his skin, he was about to shift the position to break the rhythm.
But, her fingers traced on the side of her face, caressing him gently.
"I know you are probably dreaming," She murmured into the dark, her voice trembling with a vulnerability he was aware of.
His heartbeats enhanced madly, throat drying when her fingers sweetly lead to his neck, then his shoulder, sharing a warmth.
"And I know I haven't always made it easy for you to trust me or hold faith in me,” She murmured, hating the moment of proposal she missed.
Else she would have been his blindly.
“But I am trying, William. I am trying so hard to show you that I am staying. Not because I have to, but because I want to."
Closing her eyes with anguish collecting between her vocal cords, her head leaned down, pressing her forehead against his.
“And not because I am love-deprieve or hungry for attention but because you are all I desire, all I ever wanted,”
An unwanted tear rolled down her cheek, desperate to hold him close, to be willingly captured in his proximity he wasn’t offering.
“One day, you will realize my love for you is much more than you are afraid it to be,”
She leaned forward and pressed a lingering, desperate, feather-light kiss to the space between his shoulder blades, leading it to his neck.
"Goodnight,"
She pulled back and settled into her pillows, facing the wall, curling like a ball to control her overflowing feelings.
Beside her, William’s eyes snapped open in the darkness, staring at the ceiling with her words echoing in his mind.
His chest felt tight, a confusing mixture of hope and fear. He didn't move, but he didn't sleep for a long time after that.
‘Is it true?’ he wondered, the darkness offering no answer. ‘Could it actually be true?’