Chapter Fourteen

Erin Now, as I begin to go through the resources, I found a whole world of shifting and shifters in the most real sense I have ever read. I didn’t go online to look up sites of those who say they have werewolves to protect them and the like. The were-animals I have always sunk my teeth into are strong men looking for equally strong women who, like the others in his pack, submit to his desires when necessary. His word is law. Hunter would be an alpha and Gage, equally massive and dangerous, his second. His beta. I didn’t see myself as strong—far from it. I wouldn’t be the mate either of them would choose so why they have acted as though I was the perfect candidate is beyond me.

I looked at the research again. Joey didn’t name his source. The bulk of the new things that he’d added in the last book were never incorporated in the first books. Those newly disclosed things were in these pages of notes. This wasn’t free writing. These were not scribblings, not bits and pieces, they were complete thoughts and concepts. I’m no writer, but I’ve worked with Joey James long enough to know that isn’t his style. I searched high and low, still, no source listed. But the information about the shifter world the unnamed source revealed was incredible.

Rules and guidelines, like a manual on ‘How to be a Shifter 101’, Joey outlined procedures in his notes. They went step by step from the moment of the first estrus, to when the woman’s strange craving for a certain man can only be equaled by her mate’s desires for her. Then the first full moon after having found her mate. Then the first mating, claiming, marking, and so much more. It was all here.

I read it as though it’s a book written for me, a how-to book. In a way, I took on the pupil status and applied the contents as though it applied to me. The vague memories I suddenly have, seem to suggest this exact ritual. It’s a silly fantasy. Regardless, I tell myself, if I’m to finish Joey’s graphic, it would be good to know where he was drawing his information from. I needed to understand it. But not all today.

If I puzzled things out correctly, Joey had happened upon an elderly shifter couple when they shifted. It was a freak thing that he was there at all. They told him he had misinterpreted what he’d seen. They had merely been sitting on the ground and stood up. The couple went home without a backward glance or further comment. Evidently, he’d followed them and found where they lived. He said he knew what he’d seen and hounded the couple until they threatened to call the police. Joey’s written information became scrambled after that.

What Joey wrote in his notes “I intend on keeping the information secret if I can get it.”

He wanted to use the first-hand knowledge to make a series that was authentic and would enthrall his readers. He waited and watched the family that included grandparents, parents, and a young girl about the age of ten. He began following them in hopes of finding more information. He tried to look up the owner of the home, but it was held by a corporation such as employee housing. I read all he jotted down in more of the Joey way that I had grown familiar with and the cryptic scribblings meant little to me, until he mentioned an accident.

Joey James described the accident that killed my parents. “There’s the couple I discovered along with a girl about ten and who I believe must be her parents. They all live in the same home. I have a feeling of something not quite right but while I write about paranormal events, I don’t really put any store by that stuff.”

He wrote that the auto was rammed purposely by another car. The family’s car spun off the road and rolled down an embankment. About five minutes later, after Joey had called the police, he saw a mammoth-sized black scruffy dog head off into the brush in the direction of the accident.

Joey wrote, “The whole incident was horrific. I had no medical training but if someone was alive, I wanted them to know help was already on the way. I’d never done anything like that before but the pull to go to the wreckage was undeniable.”

Joey recounted how he’d gone down the embankment to the vehicle and the mangy dog was hanging around the wreckage. The dog ran off in the direction he’d come from as Joey approached.

When he looked inside, he noted, “There were only remnants of the parents. No grandparents. No child. I searched and saw the child was laying on the ground as if placed there. She seemed to be sleeping and when I put my hand near her mouth, found she was breathing.”

I sat back stunned. I never knew I was in the accident with my parents. What they told me wasn’t the truth; I wasn’t at school. I couldn’t remember the incident, so why? In fact, I didn’t have any memory of that day at all. Medical personnel told me it was due to the brain protecting me from devastating memories, but was that it? I would like to think it was due to their inability to understand anything other than proven science. I wondered if my memory was put ‘on ice’ so to speak and now it is beginning to trickle out due to having met my mates. Who knows?

Joey went on to say, “The parents, however, were torn asunder. There was nothing left of them. Shredded like a newspaper. I have never before or since heard or seen anything like it.”

He said he attempted to locate the dog and couldn’t see a trace of him. The blood was everywhere. Had he thought the older couple was in the car? No. Obviously, they were, but the only footprints in the area belonged to a four-legged creature I assumed was the dog until later when I figured it must have been them as well. They disappeared. Had they laid their granddaughter on the ground?

The next note said Joey had found the news articles about the accident, but the child was not identified as their child nor was there a name given. The paper articles he’d saved electronically said they were trying to locate the grandparents and gave their last name. Dead end as far as success in finding them. Evidently, he’d gone looking himself but no luck.

Next note said, “I found them. They found me, actually and this is their incredible tale.”

The lights flickered and came back on. The library would close soon. I needed to scan the rest and re-read it later.

The elderly couple were shifters, as he had thought, but members of a pack in Washington that was endangered. To save their granddaughter from being hunted and likely killed they told me their story. They were adamant that she had special abilities that only certain hybrids had. Their species needed her. They had to do all they could to ensure she could shift when it was time. They were willing to tell the story, if Joey would do the best he could to find their granddaughter when the time was right, and give her the information. He agreed.

They gave him everything he would need to make sure I had enough information to shift and become who she was meant to be. They were the ones telling him information and they made him promise to reveal nothing until their granddaughter was old enough to use the information. “Her sixteenth birthday was the right time or when she had met the mate created for her.”

Joey wrote some background on the situation at the time he was with her grandparents. “Shifters as a species are endangered because of the inbreeding and low birth rates. There are also fewer females born. And of course, we are hunted.”

Is that why I was significant? Because I was female? I didn’t think that was enough.

“According to my sources, many of the streak are disbursing to other regions because members of the current pack are being harassed, killed, or captured. Do they want their women? Their territory? Likely both. The women of this group of shifters are prized for their paranormal abilities. They have all of the Human Hybrids that have this ability. All of these women are born Alpha and come into their true selves upon shifting.”

When they discovered that their pack was being hunted, likely by hired Hellhounds to capture their women, the elderly couple, Erin’s grandparents, feared their territory was being overrun by others who wanted the prime hunting grounds, but even more, their women. The pack had to move, and the alpha lost his mate. They didn’t know how long he would last without a mate. Alphas needed to be life-bonded to keep from going rogue. Some could handle it, but they suspected theirs wouldn’t last.

I wondered how far they had moved. My grandparents were worried about their granddaughter. Me, they were concerned about me. What happened to you my dears? I scanned the rest of the next few pages until I came upon some writing in red pen.

“They said she was born to be the female alpha. She would be a great leader with her mates. They would leave but she was created for a certain job, a certain mate. They thought someone had brought in a Hellhound to destroy the line, kill her before she shimmered. They suspected it was someone from their pack that wanted the alpha female spot or maybe someone from another pack. At this point it was moot as to the why. The expectation was that Erin and her mates would hold the top position. She must be protected to find them, seal their bond, and shimmer.”

What happened to the grandparents, no one seemed to know. According to Joey, “The older woman feared for their imminent death or capture. Likely they were killed by the Hellhound and possibly her parents too and for some reason, something went wrong and I came upon the scene. I looked at the mutilated woman and suddenly realized the far-reaching implications of her death. She had been young enough and would have likely produced more children, possibly more human hybrid daughters but that reproductive avenue had been cut off prematurely. Now there was only the girl.

They have been looking for Erin ever since they were foiled the day of the accident. Someone wanted their daughter and granddaughter but without family, she disappeared into the sea of children in a huge city in the state’s custody.”

Joey wrote, “One fateful night, the elderly couple knew they were being followed.” Joey took them a different route home after working with them. But by the next week when he was to get the name and address of their granddaughter, they’d disappeared. They never made the final meeting. He never saw or heard from them again. Joey was determined to find and meet his agreed obligation.

The librarian tapped me on the shoulder. “Twenty minutes, dear.” The library closed early on Wednesday. That’s today. It was time to pack up. I gathered my things and headed for the door. I should call home. Call Gage. I tell myself that as soon as I’m finished reading Joey’s notes, I’ll call in the hope that the oddness I feel will subside. I copied the information to my computer when I discovered the research notes so I could read it anywhere. I remembered the big hotel built just a year ago for tourists and conventions near the edge of town. I headed for their lobby. I could eat after I finished reading.

Was I being followed for the same reason? It didn’t make sense because I would not have remembered anything if my memories weren’t jogged by all of this mess. Did they think that I knew what he knew, and some Shifter code was broken? Maybe a shifter thought I knew too much about the events of the accident and the others in my parents’ and grandparents’ pack? That didn’t sound right, either. It seemed logical to think my memory was wiped so that I wouldn’t have to be subjected to the horror. Did my grandparents do that? Is that why I needed someone to guide me to shift? But if I could shift, was that better or worse?

I settled into one corner of the homey, but large lodge and read despite the way my body is rejecting the delay going home. Is that my animal trying to get out? Or my premonitions trying to warn me not to stop? I don’t know, but if I don’t finish this, the full truth will never be revealed even though my understanding thus far was limited. Maybe it will become clearer here in the last portion of his research and journal notes. I told my inner self, if I truly had one, to have some patience. I would go home soon.

***

Gage I’ve not spoken to Hunter yet. I hope he got my messages and the elders gave him information we can use to find our girl. The longer we take the less likely the outcome will be good. Hunter’s main reason for going to speak with the elders is to make sure what we knew was all we needed to know and if not, fill in the blanks. My gut has churned for hours. Why won’t she pick up? I’ve blown up her phone and still, she doesn’t answer. Something must be wrong. She would never ignore me for so long if she were just angry. My baby proved she was incapable of staying angry for long. It’s one of the things I love about her. Something must be wrong.

Hunter and I had a conversation about her, the first night, after she fell asleep. She was staying with us. We weren’t going to worry about anything, but marking her and keeping her. Hunter was sure she was a hybrid. I wasn’t that educated on what that actually entailed for us or our woman except there were damn few in the world. They were hunted and seen as prized above all things. They’re kept as captives. My conversation with some of our mature members made me worry more about her safety than ever before.

If Erin was a human hybrid, then she was part shifter and we can get her to shift. I have no doubt of that. But even if that wasn’t true, we won’t live without her. Marking a human not once but twice was a logistic nightmare but our wolves won’t harm her more than necessary. We have to figure it out. Our marks won’t ever completely go away.

Erin will be loved no matter who or what she is. I can’t wait to take her and make her mine. Hunter expressed the same feelings. I know I’ve loved her for over half a year at least. If she isn’t all human, there isn’t anything we won’t do to train her and teach her the shifter way of life while continuing in her chosen profession. Her paranormal abilities have proven incredible but she has neglected her talents. If she was a hybrid, there will be many things she will need to learn, patience and obedience to name two and her forever men are shifters who lived a shifter life.

I continued to drive looking for my girl. My cell was ringing. Hunter. Finally. Now we finish this.

***

Erin I read until I reached the last research note written, the final novel page dictated. I needed to get out in the air and process. Suddenly I’m starving and exhausted. Wrapping everything back in its correct packaging and making sure my cloud had a copy, I stood. For extra security, I emailed a link to Hunter and Gage at their office. I’d put their addresses on my phone yesterday. I already had their numbers. I grabbed my bag and left to find food.

I have that haunting feeling that someone was following me or at least I thought there was someone. On more than one occasion, I’d had that distressing unrest. This week it appeared to be everywhere, but I was probably just being paranoid. Too much violence made me think I was surrounded. I got two extra meat sandwiches to go and marveled that I could even contemplate eating so much food. Before I took a bite, my body began to react again. I glanced around to ascertain if there was anyone and except for a few very innocent looking people, I saw no one. The light would fade soon. I needed to get back.

It was time to be on my way home to my men. I tried calling Hunter, but it went to voicemail, so I sent a text to Gage, but it was having a hard time posting. That’s okay, it’ll send eventually. I turned my phone off to save the battery. This wasn’t my car and I don’t have a charger. I settled back to enjoy the drive. My body calmed down when I started home. The restlessness greatly diminished, and the stomach pains subsided. My head pounded less; my pressure calmed as my body cooled.

I don’t begin to understand it, but I accepted that a deep-seated need to be with the two men I have become attached to is manifested physically. And the thrumming deep down in my core was constant. I instinctively knew it would rear up again and I wanted Gage or Hunter and better both to be there if something happened to me. I don’t want to be lost out here in the vast wilderness in a snowstorm if I lost control, making the fear I’ve had most of my life a reality. Was it a fear brought about by a premonition that I never identified?

***

Hunter I called her phone. Voicemail. I left a message detailing everything. I hadn’t intended to tell her yet, but if it was the only way to get her back, I’d lay it all out for her. If she knew the dangers, the truth, she would make the right decision and return home. I had to believe that. Then I punched in Gage’s number and gave him the same information.

“I think I have a sighting of the car,” he said with something less than the moroseness of the last messages. “I didn’t have the code to lock it down at the time, but I have it now. I wondered how safe that would be, leaving her vulnerable, so I didn’t do it yet. We do know where she is now because we manually overrode her system and flipped on the GPS. We’re waiting until she clears the pass before we shut her down. But I have to tell you, the snows are getting heavier and it’s only an hour until the sun is gone. I can already see the clear outline of the moon. We have two hours at best before it is officially the full moon.”

“Okay, send me the coordinates and we’ll all drive in that direction. Whatever we do, we can’t put her in jeopardy. She’s our mate. We can’t lose her.”

Gage answered. “We won’t lose her. I refuse even to entertain that thought. We just need to get to her. Fast.”

“Right. Do you have any hot water with you? I have a special tea for her from the elder.”

“No, but I’m coming up on that mountain store that has a little of everything. It can’t be a coincidence. I’ll get something. Keep in touch.”

“Will do.”

***

Erin The snows have started, and I can tell this won’t be a short storm. The sky has that pinkish-purple, ‘snow’ hue that signals a long night of dropping temperatures and accumulation. I’m just through the pass. It’s another stretch before I’m home. The darkness was falling fast as it does in the far north during winter. At least now I’m closer to home than not. I won’t be stuck on the wrong side of the pass if the snows are too deep. They won’t snowplow this road for a while, so I concentrate on getting back to my guys.

The sun was nearly gone leaving watercolors of dark blues and deepening purples as it left the hemisphere. I could feel the urgency in my very cells. One more day and I would be called upon to do something huge. Life-changing, if the book and notes were right. I was afraid to do it alone especially since I wasn’t sure I would know how, regardless of the writings. I had to find Hunter and Gage before anything happened. I instinctively knew they would be able to help me accomplish whatever I needed to do if I could only get there.

I began a dialog with Hunter and Gage out loud, hoping I recorded it correctly. I told them all I thought was going on in the abbreviated Reader’s Digest version. I hadn’t thought of that phrase since my parents were alive. I smiled. I still have never seen that magazine. Memory is coming back in bits and pieces. I’m scared.

Maybe I’m losing my grip on reality. I’ve been driving at the speed limit, but I’ve had to slow way down. The snow is coming down hard and heavy sheets of winter infused wind buffeted the car. It’s difficult to retain control because the windshield wipers can’t keep the storm from occasionally blinding me. I was almost at a crawl at times. Thankfully, I added more gas in the car because it was going to be a long night.

Dizziness overtook me at times. My vision wasn’t clear. In my dictation, I explained to my men that I’m too disoriented to get to them. I told them where I parked on a side road. I pressed send on my phone and kept it on to help them find me. I left the car running and cracked the window for air. Things have gotten out of control and I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know what’s happening, but there are too many reasons for me to try to get home and none of them were strong enough to clear my head.

***

Gage Hunter was driving and so was I, but I took my eyes off the road to try and call her. I can’t get through. The satellite was down. Or blocked, but whichever it was, their coordinates and Erin’s were untraceable. Did we get the signal to bring the car to a stop sent out before the loss of satellite? I don’t know. But suddenly my intuition says we should undo that command. I frantically tried to do just that. Did the message to release her vehicle go through during that spotty satellite signal? Fates and fairies, I hope so.

***

Erin The moon pulled me out of myself. It was four-thirty according to my cell. Wait, wasn’t the full moon one more night away? I realized it was the full moon when the sun went down which started this afternoon for Alaska. That was over an hour ago. As the night progressed the moon became full and this time, overwhelming in its pull. Even now I writhed in the physical pain that returned as I tried to think. What did the notes say? Concentration proved difficult as I tried to think straight long enough to follow through. I needed to get to the guys, but I can’t focus. I called them, first Gage, then Hunter, but there was no signal. Or maybe I didn’t do it right. Despair wrapped me in frigid fingers of abandonment. I have to get them a message. The snow would cover me and this car before too long. I attempted to drive again, but with my sight volleying between sharp and blurry, I couldn’t risk it any longer.

“When the full moon is right and you find your life mate, look for your animal, Erin. Look for your animal and follow her in, then follow her out.” I can see my mother’s face, but it’s Hunter’s voice I hear.

“I can’t find her, Mama. Where is she? I need Gage. I need Hunter. I can’t do this alone.”

Gage’s face shows clearly in my mind. “Look for your lovers they will find your animal with you.”

I’m losing my mind. There was no other answer for the visions. It’s all a fantasy that I allowed to take over my life. Shifters weren’t real. Hellhounds were mythical. The cold numbed my mind and my body. There’s a movement off to the side. A figure, a dark shadow against the falling snow, I couldn’t make out what it was but my insides are clawing me. That smell, acrid blood, rancid, wet dog. Hellhound!

If I was losing my mind, then my sense of smell might be off too, but could I afford the luxury of ignoring danger? Even if it was only a perceived threat? What was the best thing to do? Run and hope I could hide or stay in the car? Maybe I should try to drive. Yes. I reach for the ignition and push the button. When did I turn it off?

The car wouldn’t start.

Suddenly, there it was—a hideous, dog-like creature. The smell overwhelmed me and clogged my lungs. My head was pounding along with my heart. Black and hairy. A creature that l appeared to have a disease. Its teeth were enormous, and the animal was salivating what ed like blood as red as its eyes.

I had to get away. My cell phone pinged crazily. I tried the car again and it started! I rammed the creature and it knocked the sedan to the side, tossing the vehicle and me toward the dip off the road, against the mountain on the passenger side. I narrowly missed the ditch. I possessed enough presence of mind to remember this car had all-wheel drive and floored it. The hound stumbled and slipped under the railing somehow on the cliffside.

Suddenly, it’s as though I’ve not driven any distance because it stood in front of me again. I hit it hard with the car. It fell to the ground repeatedly as I slammed it over and over until I’ve crushed his body with Hunter’s vehicle. I drove on. The guardrail was minimal on this portion of the highway. The road wasn’t as slick, and then there it was again. The damn thing is hurt, but it won’t die!

It was risky, even with less ice and snow under the rocky overhang. I didn’t have a choice and refused to think about the decision to hit it with everything I had. The hound tried to maneuver out of the way, it wove between barrier rope, but ultimately it lost its footing and fell over the cables, into the ravine on the other side of the road.

I didn’t have the luxury of thought or recoup time. There could be no more thinking, dammit, I just drove.

I hurt all over, but I pretended to myself that I wasn’t. Self-talk worked in a variety of ways and this was a new one for me. About ten miles down the road, I felt a wetness. At first, I had no idea where it came from. I put my hand down between my legs and it came back with blood. I bled more than I should have. I’ve never flowed this heavy until the actual full moon. I looked up and the sky was covered in clouds. The time of day told me it was the full moon. I was precise. Usually, I started my flow light and a day or two ahead of the actual moon, but not today, it would seem. I kept driving, but within another fifteen minutes, I am overtaken by dizziness and can’t drive anymore.

I left my phone on. I tried to text, but it wasn’t going through. Pending. I stared at the word ‘sending’ and feel the tentacles of abject fear and hopelessness raise their ugly heads again. How could I have gone through all of this, learned all that I have learned, for this to be my end? I finally found my soul mates. Two wonderful men that understood me for who I am when I’m with them, and I wanted what they could give me—honesty, freedom, love.

I’m soaked. The rusty iron scent of my blood attacked my senses. There was no way for me to stop the bleeding. This time felt so vastly different than my typical monthly flow. Inside, I understood I was dying even though I don’t exactly know why. What I did know was deep inside all of this mania, the fact that I haven’t shifted was a large part of the problem. Not to mention that it was the first full moon after I found my mates. Something in the back of my mind was connecting the dots from the breakthrough memories, the internal angst, and the words I’d read on Joey’s interviews with my grandparents. There was something akin to an ancient knowledge that linked me with all that had come before me. I pulled off to the side of the road and watched as the text went through. Finally. Too late. The darkness slowly seeped into the car, into my very being.