Chapter Twelve

Erin Erin White, why in the name of self-preservation are you about to sneak out of here and go back to the apartment? Maybe I should wait for that and go to Joey’s place? No, even worse idea. The blood might still be everywhere like it was in those pictures. I tried not to visualize them, but it was hard. No, I can’t risk that and besides, they still haven’t found a family member. They say they cremated what was left of him and would hold his remains for the next of kin. I’m content to wait.

I’ve finished all my promotional jobs and know I need to find more if I’m to survive. My primary income has gone.

True, I didn’t have rent any longer, but that would change soon. I usually saved most of my week to work with Joey and his books. I’ve scanned the book information he left me. There was so much research that I haven’t touched yet. So far, I don’t understand how it could be so important, but I’m convinced deep inside that it is.

I can pick up my car, right? “It’s not done yet” I was told when I called the garage. It would be several weeks. Gage had it sent to be reupholstered because I refused a new vehicle. They said they had instructions that it was to be released to Gage or Hunter. I told them I was the owner and they were still hesitant, reminding me how much pull my men have.

Gage has gotten awfully demanding about things, even more than usual. Possessive. I can’t stay here today. I thought about where I am living. This house has an indoor pool in Alaska. Whoever heard of that in a private home here? The standard rich man’s sauna is next to a hot tub the size of a small swimming pool, and a gym that would put most professional businesses to shame.

What am I doing here? I’m a nobody. There was no way to deny I felt like a princess with two stunning princes catering to me. Well, usually. I should get more work from the online board where I found more freelance jobs to boost my reserves, but I’m antsy and needed to go outside. I tried to walk out into the yard and Gage vetoed it. I want to go into the vast woodlands surrounding the property.

“It’s not safe. Besides,” he grinned broadly, “Hunter would have a fit.”

“So, he’s your boss outside of work too?” I chose to ignore the part about it being unsafe. If it was Hellhounds, then they were in the dark of the night and in Alaskan winters, that was the majority of the time.

“Yes and no.”

“I know, it’s complicated.” Story of my life these days so I got it.

“Actually, it’s pretty simple, but until he gets back with the information we’re looking for, I can’t get into it. Besides, we both have work to do.”

“Fine, but you know, I’ve completed all my contracts. I spent most of my time working on Joey’s books. I might be leaving soon, so I don’t want to start up anything.”

“You aren’t leaving this community or us, little girl.”

“Cute, but in case you haven’t noticed, there’s nothing ‘little’ about me. Not big, you understand, but not little either. I’d say I’m fluffy.”

Gage put down his tablet and looked at me with dismay. “If you’re fishing for me to tell you I think you’re perfectly beautiful, I have no problem telling you that. I know it’s hard to live your life in limbo, but it will be settling down very soon. No, you aren’t leaving, moving, whatever. We love you here.”

I loved it here too except for the house arrest part.

“You said you had some research to do, why not do that?”

“It’s Joey’s research. Besides, I can’t concentrate. I’m cooped up.”

“In this house?” He looked around to punctuate the point that no one could be cooped up in its 5000 plus square footage. It’s a state of mind. “Look, I’ll take you somewhere later. Inside this house, you’re safe.”

“From Hellhounds? Even I know they are mythical fantasy creatures. They come at night. I don’t think they care if you’re inside or out. Don’t you understand? I need to be outdoors.”

I did need to dig deeper into Joey’s notes, but I’ve put it off because I’ll have to deal with the reality that Joey James is really gone. I’m not quite ready to do that. I wandered over and sat on Gage’s lap. He grumped at me because I interrupted his work again, but instead of dumping me off, he encircled me with his arms and kissed me soundly.

“Baby, we have so many activities around here to do. I can’t believe you don’t have anything you could occupy yourself with for another day.”

It becomes serious when I found I had no control once I climbed into Gage’s lap. I licked his lips and then started down his neck. I could feel his cock harden. My libido rose and that feeling of desperation started to heat me up inside. Gage stopped me from going further.

“Daddy’s girl has it bad, doesn’t she? Soon, baby. It won’t be much longer. When Hunter is back with what we need, I promise we will take care of all your aches and more.” He tried to cuddle me, but I was too on edge. I pushed him away.

“Daddy, please, just a little?” He sighed and kissed my cheek. He grumbled again, but allowed me to slide off. I tried to force myself to redirect my frustration. I don’t understand what’s going on. “I have to get some air or I’m going to suffocate.” It’s like I’m trapped. I began pacing. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and Gage kept eyeing me as though I might turn into a monster at any moment. I might the way I was churning inside. I rubbed my chest and then my belly. I didn’t dare go lower.

It was as though something was inside me, super horny, and clawing to get out. What was I supposed to do with these feelings? They should be embarrassing. I’d had restless menses before. Never cramps like others, but I would feel antsy, needy. But this time, I was crawling out of my skin. There wasn’t anything that helped it except maybe sex. I looked longingly at Gage again.

“Hunter said a cold shower helped.”

“What would help is if you tried to soothe the gnawing hunger. Look, I’ve had sex before and so have you. Just a little ‘friends with benefits’ round and I’ll be good.”

“Or you’ll be a whole lot worse.”

“But won’t you try? If it works, I promise to leave you alone.”

He laughed and kissed me again. “More like Pandora’s box, baby. When did Hunter say he was getting back? Late tonight or tomorrow? You’ll make it.”

“But I’ll start my monthly anytime now. No one wants to have a good time if half of the equation is bleeding. In this case, a third.” I grinned.

“Baby, I swear to you that if Hunter comes back with the information we think he will, there will be nothing in this world that would stop us from taking you until you couldn’t orgasm another time.”

“But what if he doesn’t?”

“We will still take you, but we’ll need to talk about the consequences.”

“But… never mind.” I turn to go but don’t know where.

Time to escape and as soon as Gage answered his cell phone, I realized this was my only opportunity. He walked into the other room, telling the person on the other side of the line in a dark, jackhammer quiet voice that they made a big mistake in very colorful language and detailed descriptions. I turned on the coffee grinder for noise. He walked further away after shooting me an annoyed look. After jamming the machine’s on switch, I slipped out having found a spare set of keys to one of their cars earlier. Nice of them to label the keys. I get in, turn on the ignition and press the gas as I shut the door.

The garage door barely opened before I shot out the other side. Thank the fates it opened fast. I’d forgotten it was there. I drove down the long drive and entered the only road to the main highway in seconds. I got about three miles before finally hitting the state highway and then I turned toward the apartment.

I wasn’t positive that’s where I was going, but now I’d headed on that path, I slid into that mindset. All I could think about on the way was Hunter and Gage. They’re all I’ve been able to think about since Hunter left. For once, I was glad for the vacationing and weekenders to this little area. I felt safer with a bunch of strangers milling about the community; winter fest was in full swing.

It was the precursor to Fur Rendezvous or Fur Rondy, as we locals referred to it. If Gage caught up with me, there would be a fireworks display of greater magnitude than these visitors expected to see. There is little doubt my butt would be the launching platform. Damn if that didn’t make me hot and bothered.

I checked the gas gauge and saw that there was a full tank. Thanks, guys. I drove to the apartment parking in the back of the building and raced inside. I have already cataloged in my mind what I needed and the order I would need to grab those things. More efficient than I ever thought possible, I gathered everything and shoved it into a carryall that I found on the floor as I entered the bedroom. In, out, and not a moment too soon. I saw the cameras have yellow lights meaning something wasn’t working on them.

I looked out the window and saw Gage’s huge truck racing towards the apartments. I’m hit with a wave of nausea and my whole body suddenly began to ache. I pushed through. Finally, I focused on getting back to the car and driving off before Gage could find me, my heightened senses were distracting. My hearing was so much sharper today and it was a bit scary. I could almost believe I heard Gage’s breathing. Timing my retreat with the moment I heard the snick of the front door lock catch; I drove to the highway and down the road going toward Anchorage. It was a mere three hundred and seventeen miles, once I got on highway one. I refused to think about what I would be leaving behind and that I was heading toward nothing and no one.

After twenty miles, I wondered what I was doing. For now, I remained committed to my course of action. My chest hurt again, and I wondered if I was experiencing a heart attack. Ahead, there was a pullover view spot, so I took the turn and tried to slow my heart. Again, the actual beating pulse and the rush of blood through my veins left a telltale whooshing sound in my ears. My head vibrated with a tremendous pressure and the blood pounding through it was maddening.

Now, I felt like I was trying to break out of my own skin, but I couldn’t. Closing my eyes and I reclined the seat. If I rest, I’ll feel better. I turned off my phone, so I have no idea how many times Gage has tried to call me. I don’t want to know. My insides are telling me to go back. My intuition that has seen me through the years became so strong that it dominated my every thought. I can’t think past it for a moment.

It’s just nerves; I told myself. I should listen, but stress being the cause, made logical sense. I’ve always been a reasonable person. Nothing more than nerves and who wouldn’t expect me to have a panic attack or whatever this is after living the last days that I have? I laid back in the reclining seat and tried to declutter my mind but no matter how hard I tried my thoughts returned to the men who have suddenly taken over my world. Joey, because of the horror that happened to him and everything that led up to that tragedy. Gage, who was so smoking hot and seemed to take protecting me in stride caused a yearning deep inside I have tried, unsuccessfully, to push away. His perceived indisputable right to possess me, even though it could prove to be a false security, has comforted me whenever I seemed to need it, even if I didn’t acknowledge it myself. And Hunter. That definition of dominant male that put his days on hold when necessary to be with me as I dealt with the mess that my life has become.

Thinking of my two men made my clit vibrate. My whole core came alive and my belly started its clench again. Visions of my parents, images I hadn’t remembered in years, flow across my mind like a slideshow. I see them laughing and enjoying life, bringing me joyfully along with my grandparents. A darker, more intense set of scenes now passed my memory window. I heard my mother’s voice.

“Your father is only half shifter darling, so you are only three quarters. Your father didn’t feel the call to shimmer until he met me. His life mate. You might not feel the urge to shift or shimmer as we call it until you find your mate or mates to life-bond with. When I came into estrus at the next full moon after finding your father, I shimmered like I usually did, but for the first time, the call to consummate was so strong, and with help from his father, Daddy shifted. It isn’t a natural thing to those who are not full-bloods, so I’ll be here to help you when the time comes.”

I laid there partially reclining, processing what my mother had told me at an early age. Why had I not ever remembered the conversation until now? Shifter? Is that why I was so drawn to the stories of shifters, loved them in romances, seemed to crave them? But if all this memory is real, is my body trying to shimmer? Shift for the first time? What would happen to me without my mother to guide me? And why now?

And then it hit me. The reason that I had the urge to change now was that I had found who was supposed to be my life mates. I’d found whom I was supposed to bond with, and that person was persons, plural; Hunter and Gage. The problem was I had no idea if they would understand about me, assuming I could do those things my mother had said. But if I shimmered, what would these dominant men do? And what would I change into if I did? How would I know how to turn back into me? Was it safe? If what I remembered what really happened, and I shimmer, then what? If what my mother had said was true, then life was about to get a whole lot crazier. I wasn’t sure I could handle that.

Gage and Hunter wouldn’t feel the pull to shift or they would have said something. Right? They weren’t my fantasies. Too bad they couldn’t become those dream men I had first associated them with. No, they’d leave me. Hell, if the tables were turned, I’d leave me. I would really and truly be alone. Where would I live? How much control would I have to change back? How did you find others?

The questions were overwhelming my brain and as I tried to tease each one of them out, my body began to calm down. The embarrassment of the way I had acted, like an animal in heat, was now explained. I looked outside and the intensity was receding, my mind was slowing to make more sense and things were not so difficult to handle.

My body was relaxing. I picked up my phone and turned it on to check when the full moon started. It began tomorrow morning. But I didn’t even know how to shift. I didn’t know anybody else who did. Where was I going to find out what I needed, to do what I needed to do by tomorrow?

The solution slammed into my mind as I sat there trying to organize my next move. Joey’s book. That was the key. He had too many elements newly introduced and there was more detail than in his last books. It seemed to disclose things that none of the previous books had and that was why; he was trying to tell me something. I hadn’t read it in its organized form yet. The fact that he was expanding his fantasy world at the end when he could and should have filtered in some of this earlier had confused me. But it was the present that I needed to know.

Was Joey a shifter? Did he know one? What did he know, but kept hidden from me? Maybe it was someone who could help me make the transition? Did he know about me and that was the secret he didn’t tell? But why would you get killed for that? And where would you find this person? Would he or she kill me like Joey? I had too many questions and not one damn answer.

I tried harder to remember. We’d had a heated conversation about the fact that he wanted to bring all of these additional pieces in now. It was essential to build your world layer by layer and at first, he seemed to agree with me but as he became more nervous and he started the last book, he didn’t seem to care that he was bringing in foundational parts never before mentioned.

I began to think back on those days that he didn’t need me because he was forming the last book and organizing his research. I’d thought it odd that Joey was still doing research when he was writing the final book, but maybe he had found some sections that he wanted to flesh out. It’s what a good writer would do and while I didn’t consider graphic novels any great literary works, those who loved his books would have vehemently disagreed. And it was possible those same books would save my life.

I had just begun the artwork on what he’d given to me, so I hadn’t gotten more than a few pages into the story when he had shut down the interactive work and just concentrated on writing. I’d changed my focus and had done other freelance projects waiting for him to give me a bone to work with.

That’s when things got peculiar, no doubt about it. The clues were positively in his book. It was a good thing I had access to his cloud. He knew. The tears welled and overflowed, but I don’t have time for them now. I’ll deal with it all later. For now, I pray his research notes and maybe his sources were all that I needed to solve this mystery. My head was clearer now and my stomach calm. Everything else seemed to have gone back to its normal state except that now the queasiness in my belly was from anxiety.

I would get to the library that I loved about fifty more miles away. I wouldn’t make it to Anchorage but I wasn’t concerned. I’d settle in with my computer on their internet, use their resources if I needed to, and then go back to move out of the guys’ house. The thought of leaving sent a wave of heart sickness through my body. It was almost like my insides knew about what I was thinking and revolted. Irrational.

***

Gage I didn’t panic. Not ever. But right now, deep into my very bones, I knew Erin was in trouble the moment she left. She didn’t drink coffee she drank tea so why was she using the coffee grinder and why for so long? And what the fuck took me so long to realize that? When I rounded the corner, I think the paint peeled with the words I shouted.

My only thought was to get to Erin before the Hellhound did. I called Hunter. I wonder if the elders owned a crystal ball to see into the future. I had a feeling we would need all the help we could get to come out of this alive and intact.