"Have you not been telling the truth to me all along?" Before I could stop myself, the words spilled out of my mouth because my mistrust was too strong to contain.
Rogan halted, his hand lingering over his office door handle. His shoulders stiffened noticeably, but he didn't turn around. "Now isn't the time, Ava."
"No," I shot back, taking a step closer as my rage surged within me. It happened years ago. That was the moment you made the decision to hide any relationship you could have had with her.
"Ava—"
With trembling voice, I interrupted, "Don't you dare." You have no right to urge me to stop worrying or to pretend that I'm just having hallucinations. Rogan, I see it. I observe how you gaze at her, how you I gulped hard and forced myself to continue even though my voice cracked. "Your inability to let her go."
Then, at last, he looked at me. His eyes, those sharp eyes that had always seemed so certain, so steadfast, were now troubled, but his face was inscrutable. His voice was low, almost begging, when he continued, "It's not what you think."
"So what is it?" I insisted. Because it appears that you are still bound to her from where I am standing. You also didn't believe I should be aware of it.
With a groan, he combed through his hair. "It's difficult."
"It is, of course," I retorted. "Isn't it always that way? Everyone uses that as an excuse when they don't want to speak the truth.
"Listen to me, Ava." He moved in closer, speaking in a stern yet kind tone. "Yes, Aria and I had a past together. However, it's over. It's been a while since it ended.
"Is she aware of that?" My question was hardly audible above a whisper. With its weight of unsaid realities, the question hovered between us.
He paused. It was sufficient, even if only briefly.
The ground underneath me shifted, and I felt my stomach drop. "She probably doesn't."
"That's not the case," he answered hastily, sounding defensive now. "Aria is a complex person. She is returning for her own reasons, which are unrelated to us.
"Us?" The word caught in my throat as I repeated it. "Rogan, can you even hear yourself? You're referring to "us" as if it were still real. As if she continues to influence your life in ways I will never comprehend.
His voice rising, he snapped, "Because you don't understand." "You have no idea how it felt when she departed. What I had to do in order to maintain order
"Then tell me!" I yelled, my annoyance exploding. "For once, stop hiding behind your fucking walls and tell me the truth!"
The ensuing hush was deafening. Rogan's hands squeezed into fists at his sides as his jaw grew hard. I thought for a second that he may actually say anything, but then he turned away again, his back to me.
At last, he muttered in a scarcely discernible voice, "I can't."
I looked at him, feeling as though his words were physically weighing me down. "Will or can't?" My voice was hollow as I asked.
He didn't respond.
I shook my head as the hurt and rage combined to create an intolerable sensation. "You know what?" With a quivering voice, I spoke. "Maybe we're both wasting our time if you can't be honest with me."
I ignored the sound of his voice shouting after me as I turned and left. Even though it seemed like my heart was breaking again, I was unable to stop. I was unable to turn around.
Later that evening, I was in the library, the space filled with flickering shadows from the fire. I would always come here to escape and think. But even the cozy smell of ancient books didn't make my chest hurt any less tonight.
I was startled out of my reverie by the sound of footsteps, and when I looked up, Aria was there at the doorway. Her face was unreadable as she paused.
"What are you looking for?" My voice was sharper than I meant when I asked.
She moved slowly and deliberately as she entered. "To converse."
I gave a sour laugh. "You want to clarify your purpose for being here? Why have you chosen to ruin my life?
"I didn't mean to do that," she muttered.
"No? Then what was it?
Her eyes fell to the ground as she hesitated to respond. "Ava, I didn't return to harm you. I had no other option, so I returned.
"There's always an option," I stated in a chilly tone. "You simply created the one that you found most effective."
When her eyes suddenly met mine, I noticed something unfiltered and exposed in her face for the first time. Her voice was trembling as she said, "You don't know what I've been through." "What I had to do in order to live."
In spite of myself, I softened my voice and added, "Then tell me." "Because all I see now is a person who chose to leave and return when it was convenient for her."
As though bracing herself, she inhaled deeply. At last, she remarked, "There are things I can't tell you." "Not just yet. However, I will. I swear.
I gazed at her while her face was shadowed by the fire's fading light. Despite everything, there was something in her eyes that made me want to trust her. However, the sound of heated voices reverberated from the corridor before I could respond.
After exchanging glances, Aria and I rushed in the direction of the chaos. Rogan was standing with a man I didn't recognize when we arrived at the foyer. Rogan's attitude was one of barely controlled rage, and the tension in the air was evident.
"What's happening?" My voice pierced the background as I inquired.
The guy turned to face me, his eyes calculating and icy. "You have to be Ava," he stated in a condescending tone.
I refused to be intimidated and crossed my arms. "Are you, too?"
Though it didn't reach his eyes, he grinned. "Someone with more knowledge than you realize."
Rogan stepped in between us and yelled, "That's enough." "Go now."
The man grinned more broadly. "This isn't over," he continued, "but I'll go." Not by any means.
I stared at Rogan with my heart racing as he turned and left. "Who was that?"
With a tense voice, he stated, "There is no one for you to be concerned about."
However, his eyes conveyed a different message.
I had trouble falling asleep later that evening. The day's events replayed in my head while I lay awake. Rogan's evasiveness, the stranger's menacing remarks, and the tension with Aria all felt like missing parts to a puzzle that I was unable to piece together.
As I was surprised by a gentle knock on the door as I laid there. Uncertain of what to anticipate, I sat up with my heart pounding.
"Ava?" Rogan spoke in a low, almost uncertain tone.
I was hesitant to respond. "What is it?"
His face was hidden in the low light as he pushed the door open a little. "We must speak."
My pulse accelerated as I swallowed forcefully. "How about?"
Closing the door behind him, Rogan entered. "Almost everything."
I wasn't sure if I wanted to listen to what he had to say for the first time.