9: Explain Yourself-1

I hadn't closed the door to my and Josh's room when he demanded, "Explain yourself, bro." "Explain what?" I grumbled and moved around him to my bed, which squeaked under my weight. The other bed was marginally squeakier, so I gave that one to Josh and went back to the first. Our room's cream-painted cement walls and overhead light screamed prison cell more than a Christian college dorm, but we only needed it for sleeping and changing. The frown on his face mirrored the one I caught him giving me on the ride here. "You can fool the others with that 'listen to me, I'm the captain and focus on football' bullshit, but not me." He crossed his arms and frowned like a bouncer at the door. "So, explain yourself." I'd surprised myself with that little outburst, which flew out of my mouth like it had Mom's broken filter. The words haunted me into silence for the rest of the trip. Glaring at any guy who turned around in his seat with a questioning look was my only exchange. The hypocrisy that I wanted to play with Ellie's feelings wasn't lost on me, but no girl deserved to be targeted by an entire team. "Don't judge me, Josh. It needed to stop." "Yeah." He sat on his bed, then frowned at the squeaks that erupted under him. His eyes were full of confusion. "Except you ignore it for three years, then explode with a short temper? That's not like you, bro." "I know." I dragged my hands through my hair and rested my elbows on my knees. The weird rush of protectiveness didn't feel like me either. If my mouth hadn't moved, I wouldn't have believed those words came from me either. "Then why did you cancel the game? Because of Chloe?" I clenched my teeth at the reminder, which had also occupied my thoughts since Josh flashed that resurfaced picture. Determined not to have a repeat of Chloe's harassment two years ago, Josh and I went on damage control. Thankfully, Ava worked her influential magic and got the photo removed before the bus pulled up to the campus and, more importantly, before school started. Two weeks were long enough for everyone to forget. "Chloe didn't deserve what happened to her, and you would've had the same reaction if it was Ava." Josh's eyebrows furrowed, and his jaw ticked. "Bro, what happened to Chloe was shit. That needed to disappear but Eleanor? Are you seriously comparing some random stranger at a rival school to my girlfriend of two years?" Fuck, that wasn't what I meant, and I sure as fuck didn't feel that way about Ellie. He didn't know that last year, the trifecta was Ava. I made the idiots remove it out of my friendship for Josh, but never told him to keep team peace. His frown pulled into a grin, and he uncrossed his arms. "You like her. Eleanor Harrison." "What? No. Fuck no. She's my way to fuck over Harrison by throwing off his season, which is my business." I squeezed my hands until my knuckles turned white. "Captain versus captain. The fewer guys involved with Harrison, the better." His eyebrows raised wrinkles into his forehead. "Right, because you staring at her with your tongue lagging down to the sand meant absolutely nothing." He had a point. She had frozen me at first glance. Sure, Ellie checked every box if I had an ideal girl list. I underestimated her not being impressed with me, but I could read her every reaction like every other girl. All I needed was time until she gave in. "That was before I knew she was Harrison's sister." He shrugged as if that didn't matter. "That's all she is, Josh. Under any other circumstances, she wouldn't matter. I don't want a girlfriend or any other distraction from football. Everyone's counting on me to fix last season's fuckery." "And you think playing her is the best way to achieve that?" he asked in a dry voice. "Keep telling yourself that's your motive, but when you're ready to face reality, I'll be here to say I told you so." Why were we friends? "It's true, whether or not you want to believe me." He threw me a look like he didn't believe me or trust my words, but I didn't care. I turned and zipped open my gear bag for a diversion, then pulled out a brown paper food bag and rolled my eyes at Mom writing my name on it with a heart. "This isn't going to be good." Josh leaned over, and we peered into the container. Both of us recoiled at the sight of a cheeseburger, or what should've been a cheeseburger, except the edges were black, and both buns were soaked with pink liquid. "Nope." I snapped it shut. "Let's go find something edible. Long day tomorrow." "Lemme call Ava first." He pulled out his phone like he hadn't texted her all day. "I want to let her know we arrived." I rubbed the ache throbbing my forehead. That reaction, that right there, was not how I felt about Ellie. And I wasn't averse to texting her because she'd blocked my number. Feelings for Ellie? Please. He couldn't have been more wrong. "Get up!" Josh served me a rude wakeup and threw something at me. A shoe, I think, smacked the wall next to my bed and landed on my left shoulder. I cracked my eyes open to, thankfully, a cleat-free sole. He buried his face in his pillow and raised a middle finger. "Alarm, bro." I turned off my phone alarm, then checked my messages. Nothing but gripes after I canceled the guys' game. Tough shit. They could cry in their Cheerios and then get over it. My eyes half-closed, I dressed in a fog. Hopefully, my shorts weren't backward. I chomped on a granola bar in the empty dorm hallway. This early QB conditioning was bullshit. After team drills came team breakfast, two hours of film, two hours of QB practice, lunch, an hour of free time, then four hours of offensive, defensive, or special teams practice. After dinner, lucky me got to meet with the coaching staff to discuss player development, issues, or concerns. Bringing back the game with girls was not one of them.