Chapter Fourteen

The following days blurred into one another as I barely left my room. Only forcing myself to leave when it was time for school or work. Unfortunately, as of late, Mr. Brians told me to take a break from work, telling me I looked stressed and overworked. I’m guessing my appearance has become even more frightening to him.

Knock, knock.

“Bree, are you in there” Dawn’s voice sounded from the other side of the door.

What are you doing here? I thought to myself with aggravation.

“Can we come in?” Ellen’s muffled voice sounded.

I didn’t answer, choosing to ignore my friend’s requests for entry.

“We aren’t going to leave until you talk to us!” Dawn shouted sternly through the door.

Letting out a forced sigh, I slunk out of bed and slowly open the door.

“Hey…” Ellen says followed by a gasp, visibly shocked by my appearance.

I hadn’t looked in the mirror today, but yesterday the darkened, puffy bags under my green eyes were very noticeable; a stark contrast to how pale I have appeared. My face had become gaunt, from the lack of sleep and eating. And my hair, which I haven’t brushed yet, was full of knots and going everywhere. I hadn’t cared to move from my bed since I returned from college yesterday.

“What happened?” Dawn questioned, her voice filled with empathy and worry.

“Nothing… I just haven’t been feeling well,” I lie yet again, leaving the door open for them to come in, turning around to go hide back in my bed.

“Have you been eating?” Dawn asks, closing the door behind them.

“Why is it so dark in here?” Ellen asks, going to the window to open the blinds.

“I’m not hungry,” I reply, crawling back into my bed under the blanket.

“You need to eat!” Ellen retorts astonished, taking in the state of my room.

My room was an absolute mess, which was unlike me. Clothes that I had worn over the past few days lay strewn across the floor. My purse and backpack were thrown by the desk on the floor. Empty water and soda bottles covered my nightstand and desk, while also overflowing my small trash can.

“When was the last time you ate something?” She continued.

“Eating something will make you feel better,” Dawn added, noting how disorganized my room is.

Shaking my head no at them, I cover my head, under the blanket to get away from the sunlight.

“When was the last time you ate something?” Ellen repeats herself.

“I don’t know…” I reply, unwillingly.

“You don’t know, like maybe last night sometime, or you don’t know because it’s been over 24 hours?” Dawn questions.

“I think it was Friday,” I reply slowly.

“You haven’t eaten in three days!?!” They both question alarmed.

“How long has it been since you slept?”

“I’m sure I’ve slept since then…” I reply. “Why are you two here?”

“Think of it as a wellness check-up. None of us has seen or heard from you in days.” Ellen answers, starting to pick the dirty clothes off the floor.

I could feel the intensity of their stares through my blanket.

“I went by your work,” Dawn responds, fishing for information. “You haven’t been there these past few days.”

“I was given a few days off,” I reply with a hoarse voice, uncovering my head so they could hear me. “My boss said I looked too stressed.”

Ellen and Dawn stare at each other as if having a telepathic conversation.

“So… Are you having trouble in school?” Ellen questions, confused as to what could make someone stop eating and sleeping.

“Or did Liam say something to you again?” Dawn asks with her motherly-concerned voice.

“I just have a lot to think about.” I left my explanation brief.

“Please let us help you.” Ellen pleaded, sitting on the bed closer to me.

“Yeah, let’s all hang out,” Dawn chimed in. “We can go out to get something to eat and go see a movie.”

“Oh! Yeah, that sounds fun!” Ellen replies excitedly scooting a little closer to me.

“We can get you washed up and go have some fun!”

“Then we can come back here and help you clean up this mess!” Ellen continued, bothered by the state of my room.

“You two can go ahead. I have some studying I need to do…” This wasn’t a lie, but I also knew that I wasn’t going to study much, if at all.

“We want you to come with us!” Dawn demanded, sitting next to me while trying to keep at a distance.

“I need to study,” I replied again with finality.

Dawn was taken aback by my stubbornness. “What did Liam say to you?” she responds, flabbergasted as if everything could be summed up with him.

Even I knew the way I was acting was completely out of the ordinary. My friends were equally confused by my actions as I was. None of it made sense. I didn’t want to go outside, I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to sleep, I did not care about school. I did not care about anything, not even sparing their feelings or mine. I just wanted to sit in bed and wallow in self-pity. And I wanted them to stop worrying about me. Everyone. I wanted everyone to just leave me be. Not answering questions, not having to talk, that’s what I wanted.

“Nothing.” I lied, becoming angry by their constant prodding.

“Tell us what’s going on,” Dawn demanded, her voice growing into anger.

“I’ve already told you it’s nothing to worry about.” My voice grew irritated.

“Bree, this,” Dawn waves her hands around at me and my dirty room, “Isn’t just ‘nothing.’ This is something and this ‘something’ is starting to bleed into other parts of your life. Now tell us what happened so we can help you!”

“You aren't taking care of yourself,” Ellen continues, her voice filled with concern. Her blue eyes filled with pleading, begging me to answer their questions. Wanting me to spill my guts out to them. “You aren’t talking to anyone, and you are shutting us out.” Her voice grew sad and unsure.

“If you are having trouble with something and can’t figure it out, why are you allowing it to eat you up instead of asking us for help?” Dawn questions. “Why don’t you lean on us like you usually do? That’s what we are here for. Even if there is no way for us to help, we are always here for you to lighten the load. You don’t have to carry the burden all on your own!” Dawn continued her speech, trying to persuade me, guilt me into talking to them. “If you could depend on us to help you through the death of your mother, then whatever is troubling you now shouldn’t be hard for us to help you through.”

I don’t say a word because there isn’t anything left to be said. Why am I not leaning on my best friends? Because they can only give me the same solutions that they have already done. The same conclusions I have come to; move out; Forget about Liam, forget about my dad, forget about Mr. and Mrs. Hall. But what’s more, is I am ashamed of myself. There is no reason for Dawn, Chad, or Ellen to be brought into this because we would be going around and around in circles like we already have, numerous times already.

If I tell them, they would be obliged to tell my father or find some way to get me out of the situation as soon as possible. And if they tell my dad, then he would do the same, possibly harming his friendship with his friend in the process. I couldn’t help but feel trapped. Because aside from Liam, living here was great. I felt like I had a mother, two dads, and a little brother.

“Okay,” Dawn starts, becoming impatient. “Tell me what is happening right now, or I am going to go tell your dad.” Dawn threatens, crossing her arms while staring at me with seriousness.

“Don’t!” I shout at her, a wave of emotions coursing through me. Angry that she would stoop to such lengths, betrayed that she would consider being so harsh, annoyed they wouldn’t leave me alone, and saddened that I wanted them to leave.

“Then tell me what is wrong!” Dawn continues beginning to bark. “Do you think this is fair for any of us? You’re hurting yourself, leaving us in the dark, and causing everyone who loves you to worry!”

I start to cry. “I’m just stressed out, so can you please leave it alone?”

Dawn and Ellen give each other a stare, at a loss for words, tired of trying to win me over.

I have always told my friends everything, but now I don’t want to say a word to them. Why is that? Am I afraid I’ll lose something if I speak about what happened? Maybe I want to just torment myself in peace? Would they even understand if I tried to confide in them?

“Fine…” Dawn finally replies, severity in her tone. “But Ellen and I are going to stay long enough to watch you eat something.”

“I’m not hungry!” I yell at them through tears. “I want to be left alone! So just leave!”

The both of them stare at me, not budging. Dawn appeared to be like a rock, stiff and sturdy, unwilling to move while Dawn was frightened, clueless as to what to do. She constantly looked to Dawn, wondering what to do next. Mimicking her every move, except the cold hard stare. Fueled with anger, I stare back at them harder trying not to lose this battle.

After a few moments, I begin. “Fine!” I finally cry. “At dinner, I will make sure to eat something!” Tears still falling down my cheeks. “You can even have Mrs. Hall report what I ate if you’d like,” I added with a bite.

Dawn rolls her eyes, letting out a dissatisfied groan. “Let’s just go, Ellen.” She states angrily, heading out the door.

Ellen lingers for a moment, unsure of what to do. Not wanting to leave, but also not wanting to stay. She appeared to be stuck, wanting to say something, but unsure if she should. Eventually, she gave up, running after Dawn, shutting the door behind her.

When my friends left, I slowly crept to the window and watched them leave before closing the blinds and curtains again. Sitting in the dark, in my bed, I waited. Staring at the ceiling until dinner when Mrs. Hall knocked at my door.

“It’s time for dinner!” Her voice shouted, muffled by the door.

“Okay, can you bring me a plate up please?” I yelled from my bed. “I have a lot of studying to do!” Trying to make my voice sound somewhat more pleasant.

“Of course!” Mrs. Hall responded in excitement. She hadn’t seen me in days, nor has she seen me eat anything either.

A few minutes later, Mrs. Hall returned. “Do you want me to bring it in?” A hopeful tone painted her voice.

“No, thank you. I can grab it in a minute.” I respond, not wanting her to come in and see how messy my room is, nor how horrible I look. It would only cause a stir in the house if Mrs. Hall saw how terrible I looked.

“I can wait…” She replies sadly.

I knew she wanted to see me, maybe even talk to me for a little bit, but I just wanted to be left alone. “It may take a little while,” I lied. “I’m trying to get this one thing right.”

“Oh… Okay…” Mrs. Hall replies disappointed. “I’ll just leave it here then…”

“Thank you!” I reply, still channeling my former happier self.

I remained in my bed for a few minutes, listening to her footsteps walk down the hall. Staying still, I listened until I was sure she was gone and that no one else came up. Creeping out of bed and over to the door, I slowly open it, peeking my head out to make sure no one was around. On the floor sat a wooden tray, the same one she used to bring an array of late-night snacks on while studying with Liam, with a covered plate, a fork, and a glass of milk.

No one was there, so I hurriedly snatched the tray from the floor and closed the door behind me. Turning on the lamp, I bring the tray to my desk and sit down. Uncovering the plate, I am faced with a plateful of spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread off to the side. The smell made my stomach growl.

Taking a deep breath, I nibble on the bread, forcing myself to eat something, but it instantly made me nauseated.

I can’t eat this… I thought to myself, looking around. What should I do?

Getting up from the desk, I open my bedroom window and look, searching for an answer to my problem as well as get away from the smell of the food. Looking down from the second floor, there is a cute stray kitten in the backyard.

Maybe it’s hungry?

Grabbing the plate, I threw over half of it down to the kitten.

“At least you can enjoy the food,” I whisper to the animal before bringing the plate back to the tray and placing them back outside my door.

I walk back over to the window and watched the kitten eat the food that I couldn’t make myself eat. When the kitten was finished, I closed my window and looked at my desk, staring at the textbooks stacked on the side of it.

I guess I should try to study before that test tomorrow…

***

Another sleepless night plagued me. I stayed up all night staring at my textbook, not retaining anything that I read. I had been awake for about four days now, with a couple of micro-naps, or what I think may have been micro-naps. I felt myself beginning to slip when my alarm went off, startling me.

Getting out of my chair, my back muscles were stiff from sitting in the same position for hours. I slowly get dressed into something comfy. Combing my fingers through my hair, I didn’t worry about brushing it as I tie it up into a messy bun, out of my face. Staring at the reflection in the mirror for a moment, I didn’t recognize the person I was seeing.

The person had the same-colored hair and eye color as me, but everything else was different. My eyes appeared lifeless with darkened circles around them, and my cheeks were starting to sink in a little. Without caring, I decided not to wear makeup. What was the point? I would only be at school for a few hours before I came home to hide in my bed again.

Quietly walking out of my room, I slowly walk down the hall, noting that Liam’s bedroom door was open. No one was inside. I creep to the staircase, hearing Mr. and Mrs. Hall’s voice, Oscar, and my dad’s voice. When I knew Liam wasn’t there, I walked down. Normally, I would have waited for everyone to leave, but I needed to get to class to take that test. I didn’t care if I failed the class, but I knew I needed to at least seem like I was trying.

Downstairs, I am met with shocked gazes. Everyone was staring at me, baffled.

“You look like a ghost!” Oscar responded in horror, spitting out some of his cereal.

“Yeah… Thanks for that…” I reply unhappily, walking past everyone to pour coffee into my thermos.

“Haven’t you been sleeping well?” My dad questions, getting up to feel my forehead. His face filled with worry.

“I’m fine… I’ll be okay…” I reply, swatting his hand away. Why won’t anyone stop fretting over me?

“My goodness… Have you lost weight?” Mrs. Hall squealed with anxiety, pinching at my clothes. “You didn’t have much weight on you, to begin with!”

I shrug my shoulders, waving her hands away from me. “I have a test, so—“

“Don’t let my brother see you like that! He will definitely tease you then.” Oscar states, cutting me off.

“Right… I’ll make sure to hide.” I glare at him, heading out of the kitchen.

“Should you really be going to school today?” Mr. Hall says. “No offense sweetie, but you don’t look like you are feeling very well.” His voice filled with concern as I walk by.

“I’ll be okay…” I reply, heading for the front door.

“Why don’t you go back upstairs and get some rest?” My father questions.

“I have an exam.”

“You should probably reschedule it then.” Mrs. Hall replies sternly. “Or just miss it and make it up later.”

Standing in the doorway, I finally start, “I’m fine. When I get back, I’ll get plenty of rest. Bye, everyone!”

When I walk outside the house, I thought I would be able to breathe. But I see Chad standing at the end of the driveway. Instantly, I became aggravated as his expression changed from happy to see me to astonishment.

“You can stop staring and close your mouth.” I retort with irritation.

“Bree?” His voice sounded pitiful. “What have you been doing?” His blue eyes looked me up and down, taking in the changes.

“Studying…” I replied sharply.

“Are you okay?” His voice faltered.

“I wish everyone would stop worrying about me and leave me alone!” I snap at him.

“But…”

“I said leave me alone!” I shouted, walking away from him.

He grabs my arm. “Bree, what’s—“

Turning around, I look him in the eye, rage burning inside me. “I said, leave me alone!”

His grip weakened as he stared at me in shock.

Backing away, I quickly spin on my heel and leave.

Chad stayed behind, speechless as I walked to school by myself.

Once I got to the campus, I was a little late, which was intentional. The courtyard had a few students here and there, which was usual when classes were in session, and perfect so fewer people would see me. Sneaking into the classroom, I sit in the back, ignoring everyone’s questioning gazes. The room was filled with students I didn’t recognize at first, which made me wonder if I have somehow mistaken what day or time it was. But then, I notice Liam and Ember in the center of the room, sitting close to each other, confirming I had the right class and time.

Luckily, I made it before the test was distributed. As the exam paper was placed in front of me, a feeling of dread washed over me. Trying to read the first line, I started to realize just how unprepared I was for it. Staring at the test paper blankly, the letters started to become jumbled in the sentences. Soon the words began to blur. Blinking my eyes, I tried to make them focus but to no avail.

Suddenly, my head started pounding with pain from an abrupt headache. I started to sweat, but I felt like I was ice-cold, shivering, or was I trembling, and it was getting harder for me to breathe. Nausea took hold of me next. As I look up, the walls appear as if they’re closing in on me. I needed to get out of here. I needed some fresh air.

Standing up, my chair skids loudly on the floor, disrupting the class, but it sounded miles away from me. I need to get out of here. I need to leave. The room started to spin as I stood trying to catch my balance. As I stood, darkness started creeping in from my periphery into my line of sight. Soon, I wasn’t able to see a thing.

All of a sudden, my body felt as though it was falling. Hearing a loud bang, an unimaginable pain sliced through my forehead. I heard gasps fill the room and a voice. A voice calling my name sounded too far away but filled with panic and worry. It sounded a lot like Liam.

It couldn’t have been… Could it? I’m imagin—

Silence.