They Knew

They Knew
“Niko’...”

The vision he’d seen. He’d thought that had been more recent, like just before they’d died, not when he was in middle school!

Nikolias shrugged. “I was going to go through with it as soon as they said I could, but I didn’t, obviously.” He laughed at himself. 

“What… made you change your mind?”

“I saved someone’s life.” Nikolias’ lips twitched, and he dropped his gaze to the table. “I was on my way to HQ for the ritual. I’d had a choice between being on time and saving them, and I didn’t even hesitate.” He shook his head. “By the time I surfaced again, the appointment had passed hours earlier. I didn’t schedule another.” His lips twitched into a wry smile. “I went full into training. I waffle on that decision sometimes, but not so much anymore.”  

“So much?” Derek gulped. “W-What makes you rethink it?”

He hadn’t looked into ritual suppression, but he knew from the name that it was a big deal to consider it at all. 

“A lot of all this new weird is overwhelming sometimes, but…” He smiled at Derek. “If I had backed out then, or any time after, I wouldn’t have been able to help you, and that’s worth it.”

Derek’s face heated. He couldn’t fight the smile if he tried. 

Then, the waiter came back with a giant tray of food along with another waiter balancing a tray of food on his shoulder. All of those dishes couldn’t be for the two of them, could they?

“Missing the usual crowd, eh?” The man said as he set up the stand. “I thought for sure you hung out with a different lycan?”

Nikolias laughed and stood. “Lucas, I didn’t know you were still in the area!” He hugged him tightly. “It’s been forever! How’s Willa?”

Lucas was an older man, maybe mid-twenties, with an eyepatch and a brace on his shoulder. 

“Good. Much better.” Lucas nodded. “I… I really can’t thank you enough.”

“Don’t start! We’re family now!” He turned to Derek. “Derek, this is Lucas. He’s Sage’s cousin. This is my boyfriend, Derek.”

Lucas’ eyes lit up. “You’re the illustrious Derek!”

Derek nodded, shaking his hand. “I wouldn’t say illustrious.”

“Sage wouldn’t exaggerate.” He laughed. “It’s good to meet you, Derek. Welcome to Houston.”

He started pulling plates off. Nikolias helped despite the griping. Their original waiter stood aside, chuckling as they squabbled. 

“We’ll have to hang out!”

“You’re still off at the usual hour? We’re staying for Dead Dove.”

“Save me some fries. I’m off in twenty!” Lucas tucked the tray under his arm. “Can we get you two anything else?”

“Not right now. Thanks.” Nikolias sat, cocking an eyebrow and jerking his thumb after Lucas. “See. Not first date eligible.”

Derek laughed. “It’s your fault for being so popular!”

He looked down at the spread, recognizing a few tall burgers, some baskets of rings, and a few other baskets of random fried things. There were two large bowls of salad, a pair of pitchers, and several small pots of condiments.

“What… is all of this?”

“I got the HTX platter and appetizers.” Nikolias beamed. “Between the two of us, and apparently Lucas, it should be enough, but the kitchen doesn’t close until midnight, so we should be good to order more if need be.”

Derek shook his head. “Okay.”

Nikolias nudged a tall burger towards him. “I figured you’d like this one the best. It’s like seventy-percent seasoned meat.”

Derek laughed and grabbed a knife to cut it in half. “Let’s share.”



Nikolias escaped to the bathroom after the last song had ended, holding it together until he’d gotten into the individual bathroom and breathed through his panic. 

He hadn’t been prepared. To be fair, he didn’t know how he could be prepared to hear the pages of his diary from someone else’ s mouth. Dove might not be the strongest muse, but it was enough to dredge up some of the darkest days of his life.

Leave me in a grave and close my eyes

He’d forgotten how bad the depression had gotten, how close to the edge he’d actively been through middle school, dragging himself out of bed on the better days. Then, the wild days of chasing high after high before he’d even been able to drive, so sure he’d wanted to die on his own terms, conscious and thrilled instead of some fucke haze of violence. 

He was grateful that she hadn’t performed those two back to back, but the rest of Dark Dove’s songs had been enough of a roller coaster. 

Nikolias splashed his face and centered his breathing, forcing the crashing waves to stillness and casting the drums toward the horizon. 

He lifted his head and froze, seeing his father standing beside him. His gaze was full of worry, his hand in the air as if to rest on Nikolias’ hand. 

Nikolias scrubbed at his eyes. “I’m fine.”

His eyes narrowed, meeting Nikolias’ through the mirror. The hand fell with an almost real weight and squeezed.

“I’ll be fine.” Nikolias sniffed. “I always am.”

His father’s eyes skittered away, bobbing his head. He glanced back to the mirror, searching, asking. His mouth opened then closed again, and Nikolias screwed his eyes shut. 

“I have to go back out there soon, before Derek worries any more than he is already… and before Lucas leaves.”

One last squeeze, then the pressure vanished. Nikolias washed his hands, dried them, and pushed out of the bathroom to find Derek in the hallway, waiting. 

“All free.”

Derek pushed off the wall and wrapped his arms around Nikolias’ waist, pulling him flush against his body and resting his head against his. The cool pine and amber scent of his cologne filled his nose, and his warmth burned through the mounting cold in his body. 

“We can stay back here until you’re ready.” Derek slipped his hands up Nikolias’ back. “And you don’t have to pretend… I saw… you f-falling. I-I felt you reaching for the buckle, not the—”

Nikolias wrapped his arms around Derek. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d see that. I’m so sorry.”

“And the bungee cord?” Derek whispered. “The bear?”

“I would really rather you not recount all the terrible things I’ve done to my parents.”

Derek pulled back, grabbing his face in both hands. His eyes glowed soft blue, and his jaw was set in a hard line.

“Your parents weren’t worried about you.”

Nikolias frowned. “What?” 

“Your parents knew exactly where you were, what you did, and they weren’t worried for your physical safety because they knew what you were.”

Nikolias blinked, stunned at the anger in his eyes and the firmness of his voice. He swallowed, thinking back to his father appearing in the bathroom, and that avoidance when he said he’d be fine.

Derek was right.

“I’m—”

“Your pain isn’t something you have to apologize for.” Derek’s gaze softened. “Not to me, not to anyone, not even to yourself, and that goes double for how you tried to deal with it.”

Nikolias swallowed, searching his face, before leaning forward, pressing their foreheads together. 

“Thank you, Derek.”