XXV
"Are you going to talk or are you going to keep staring into space?" Mariana asked from across the tiny breakfast table we set up.
I was startled when I saw her because I was sure I had not woken her up, I was as quiet as a mouse.
Worry lines were drawn all over her small face. I smile at her. Mariana hadn't changed, ever since we were in high school, she was practically my mother.
The same look on her face whenever my dad and I fought, she would look at me with the motherly glint in her blue eyes.
"Look, it's ok, you can crash at my place, my place is yours too, mom would love to have you over." That was the first invitation she had given me to stay over.
The first week I transferred to the community high school, the class had just five girls and ten boys, she was the first girl to open up to me.
We had bonded almost after she asked me for my colored pencils, even though she had complete set. We didn't have much in common but what we had in common was what held us down the most.
From the onset of our friendship, Mariana always talked about her dream of becoming a civil servant and then getting married, before having a child. Her ultimate dream was to be a mother. Until she had her's, I was a substitute.
Unlike her, I was not enthusiastic about school, I didn't want to go, I didn't have a clear cut dream ahead of me, I didn't know what I wanted out of life, I just existed, and while I did, I wanted to enjoy my life to the fullest. That's something Mariana and I had in common, she also did like to have fun, that's how our relationship grew the strongest.
My lack of enthusiasm for school was where dad and I butted heads, he wanted me to go to school and have a good life, for illegal immigrants, life dealt us the toughest cards, he believed school would change that, he wanted me to graduate school and become a lawyer. He believed being a lawyer was our one way ticket out of there, unfortunately our heads clashed on that one.
"Luciana Carmen De Léon, I swear I will personally hand you over to the police, and have them deport us both if you don't straighten your grades! Haven't you done enough?" Dad screamed at me the first time I ran to Mariana's house.
I felt different emotions swirling inside my stomach, guilt, anger, sadness.. I really did want to impress him, I wanted to do well like Mariana, I didn't want to be known in our little village as the only girl who didn't want to hurry up and leave.
"Do it! I dare you to hand your only child to the police, I dare you to hand yourself over too, and tell them we have been living under fake identities! Come on! I dare you!" I screamed back, before he got a chance to respond I bounded off. In a town as little as ours, we only had to speed walk and you'll be wherever you want to be.
"Hello? Earth to Lucy? Anyone home?"
I blinked severally, a distorted image of Mariana was waving her hand in my face before it finally cleared and revealed her motherly face.
"Good morning Mari." I greet with a smile.
The frown didn't move an inch,
"How long will you make me beg you to tell me what happened?"
"You always have to know don't you?" I laugh.
"Don't try to deflect. I saw you, you looked pale." She deadpan.
I took a deep breath. A very shaky one, I hated talking about my feelings, it wasn't like me.
"I was with a guy yesterday.. but I couldn't get past first base." I swallowed, but it felt like lead settled in my throat.
If you didn't know Mariana before, and you saw her face a minute ago, you'd think she could not look any more worried. But the worry lines dug deeper into the side of her eyes.
"It's been over a year, you should be fine now..."
I shrug as a shaky smile played on my lips.
"It hadn't happened like this in a while.. you've been with other guys.."
Kennedy Russell. His name filled in my head as I thought of him, his smell filled my nostril, causing me to shiver.
"This guy is very different.." I whisper.
She faced me squarely, her features contorted into one of curiosity.
"Different? Different how?"
Goosebumps appeared on my skin as the feeling of his hands playing perfectly on my body like he knew everything that turned me on, he knew exactly how my body functioned, how to pleasure it perfectly. I was a mess in his hands. Only looking at him turned me to goo. He is a dangerous man, and he must be avoided at all cost.
"He.. he is dangerous."
She must have interpreted it the wrong way because her eyes hooded and instantly protective Mariana was in display.
"What do you mean? Was he with a gun? Did he threaten you??"
Alarm bells went off in my mind, my hands shot up instantly, waving it around trying to call her attention.
"Not like that!! Not that.. he knew how to turn me to mush.. and it was scary.." I breathed.
Her eyebrows furrowed together,
"You're scared of a man that will give you orgasms??"
My eyes widened.
"Not exactly.."
"You know how rare it is to find those?? Honey there are little to no men out there that can turn a girl to "mush" and you found one, you ran away??" Her voice had started to go up.
Sara poked her head into the room,
"You did what??"
I let my head fall backwards. I could never explain to them properly. But they had a point, did I just let a man that could actually give me an orgasm go?