Chapter Twenty-Six

Callie:

Exams were postponed, and school was closed early for the holidays. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a mistake. It gave all of us way too much time to think, way too much time on our own.

I threw myself into working at the diner. The holidays increased business enough so there was always something for me to do.

Those first days were the hardest. News crews hung around town. People made speeches. We were the talk of the nation. To them we were another school in a long line to use to advance political agendas. Should we have more guns? Fewer guns? I didn't care. Not at the time. All I wanted was to forget. To feel like life could be good again.

Jamie's dad was everywhere. I swore he only saw us as his way to Washington. He was using his son to get there. Every time he spoke, he insisted on having Jamie by his side, wanting to remind people that his son was there. The son he'd kept hidden before. Now he was the family man, only wanting to keep his boy safe. It made me want to vomit.

Jay called. It took over an hour to convince him I was okay. What a lie.

I threw another set of rolled silverware in the bin, glancing up at the clock. On a normal day, Seth would come lumbering in right about then, ready for his early dinner. He'd give me life tips, talking in a soft tone that was surprising coming out of such a large man.

His stool was empty, only reminding us of what happened. Seth's grandson did that to us. I wrung a towel between my hands, crushing it and squeezing it. I hated Matthew. I couldn't help it. Maybe things could have been different if we'd helped him, but that didn't stop the heart-bruising anger at what he'd done to us.

Tears welled up in my eyes for what must have been the millionth time in the days since that night. Turning away from Seth's place in our lives, I threw the towel on the counter and tore the apron off over my head.

The chime on the door sounded, and I looked up, hoping for news. Morgan was having her third, final, and most difficult surgery today. She'd pulled through the others, but a part of me didn't believe she'd make it.

Colby walked toward me. It was brief, but I saw his eyes tick toward the empty stool as mine had. He gave me a weak smile.

“Parker says we've still got a few hours 'til she's out.”

His eyes held the same sadness that I was sure were mirrored in mine. Morgan had broken both our hearts, but neither of us could stop caring. We hadn't gone to the hospital. Colby said it was to give the family time, but I knew it was because neither of us could face them.

“Your shift is over, right?” he asked.

“Like an hour ago,” I admitted. “I was just -”

“Trying to keep busy,” he finished for me. “Come on. Jamie's meeting us at the beach.”

When we pulled into the parking lot, Jamie was leaning up against his car, one arm crossed over the other, hair blowing away from his face in the wind.

He pushed himself away from his car to meet me at my door. I'd barely stepped out when he pulled me into his arms. My eyes darted toward my brother, but his focus was on the water, so I relaxed into Jamie. His lips grazed my ear.

“I don't like being away from you,” he whispered.

I looked up into his face. A few days ago, I couldn't imagine him ever saying things like that to me.

He kept an arm around my waist as we clambered over the rocks onto the beach. The waves were kicking today, but their call in my life had been lost back with a broken board and shaken confidence. I was content to stay on dry land.

We walked halfway down the beach before plopping down in the sand, watching the sea gulls fight over something a few yards away.

We didn't have much to say to each other, the silence acting as a merciful cloak rather than a demanding burden. My mind was with Morgan. With Troy. Heck, even with Seth.

The fading sun hung on the distant edge of the water, a golden beacon about to disappear into darkness, but not before silhouetting the last surfer who'd finally bid goodnight to the sea. He ran by us, heading up the beach to his spot closer to the rocks.

I looked out on the now rider-less ocean, feeling as if it had abandoned me. It was the first haven to be destroyed; the first to fall in my eyes, soon to be followed by others.

This was the new normal—this brokenness.

“Kat said I'd find you guys here,” someone said, walking up behind us. I turned toward Jay. He aimed a sad smile at me, then looked at both his brother and Colby in turn.

“I told you, you didn't have to come,” I protested, glad he didn't listen to me.

He chuckled, but it was forced. False. “When have I ever obeyed you?”

I shrugged off Jamie's arm and stood to hug Jay. Probably not a good move, but I didn't care. I just needed my best friend. He'd been with me through everything bad in my life, and now he was here, once again. Beside me.

“Thanks for ignoring me.” I finally released him.

“I'd have been here that night, but I had exams. I came as soon as I could. If you'd asked me to though, I'd have skipped them.”

Too many emotions were tugging at my ribcage, and I sent my gaze to the water, blinking at the setting sun. “I know.”

Jay watched me as I sat back down and leaned into Jamie once more. He gripped Colby's shoulder in silent camaraderie before sitting beside him. The four of us had been through so much together; we'd grown apart, only to find each other once again.

Now, as the world darkened around us, we held onto one another.

Colby took my hand in his, a gesture reminiscent of when we were kids. Only this time, he wasn't just protecting his sister; he was holding onto me, taking comfort.

The sun had finally sunk below the ocean, but left satin strands of orange and pink to remain and play against the velvet night. It was an unreachable beauty that I knew, now, was only an illusion.

The beach was lonely, with only the four of us left; the silence deafening as we waited. And waited.

Finally, Colby's phone rang, breaking the tension that threatened to choke us all. He pulled it from his pocket with trembling fingers, the glow lighting up his face. Answering it, he held it to his ear.

“Parker,” he breathed.

We all watched him take in the news that none of us could hear.

“So, she's-”

He listened again.

“Thanks for calling. And Parker, we're all thinking about your family.”

Colby put his phone away and looked to me. “Surgery went well.”

And there they were. The words that made my heart beat again.

“She's awake.”

I lunged toward my brother, and he caught me as he fell back into the sand, a relieved smile plastered across his lips. A true, genuine smile. It felt like ages since I'd seen one of those.

I rolled off him onto the sand and lay there, feeling the cracks in my heart mend just the tiniest bit.

* * *

Morgan refused to see us the entire time she was in the hospital, but we didn't stop trying. Parker, no longer the carefree girl I knew, kept us updated. Their family was hurting, and that wasn't likely to end soon.

We were all dealing in our own ways. I kept busy, trying to forget. That was easiest. Morgan pulled away from even her closest friends. Colby went about business as usual, keeping up his impervious facade. And Jamie. Oh Jamie, the boy who never needed anyone. Well, he held onto everyone with both hands and his feet and even his teeth if he could. His father became a larger fixture in his life, despite their differences. And me, well things were different than they were before.

Jamie laid on my bed, flipping through a magazine. I found him waiting there when I got off work.

“Break is almost over,” he said. “We have to go back to that place.”

“I hadn't thought about it.” I looked away and pretended to straighten things on my desk. In truth, I'd thought about little else.

He leapt up, catching me around the waist. “It's okay. I'm going to be right there with you.”

“Uh huh.”

“Callie, look at me.”

I did as he asked, meeting his bright eyes.

“I'm going to be right there with you. We're doing this, you and me. I meant what I told you in that locker room.”

I looked down again. His words had been playing through my head for weeks, but they were mixed in with everything else I'd been feeling, and we hadn't talked about it.

“I'm in love with you.”

“I just figured you thought we were going to die.” I tried to make a joke because that's what I did. Deflect. Deflect. Deflect.

He pulled me against his chest. “Don't do that.”

“Do what?”

“Downplay what I'm telling you.”

“Jamie, I know you think you love me now, but I don't want it to be just because of what we went through together.”

“It's-”

I held a finger to his lips.

“One of these days this is all going to feel real to you like it does to the rest of us. It's not going to be about speeches with your father or realizing how lucky you are to be alive. Because that's what's happening. You feel lucky, and you feel the need to tell people you care. When you crash and that luck turns to guilt or fear, you'll see how hearing someone loves you is not enough to fill the hole in your heart. Not yet.”

His arms slipped from my waist to hang limp at his sides. I released him, allowing him to pass me. He stopped at the door and turned.

“I'll pick you up for school tomorrow.”

I nodded, and he was gone.