Chapter Two

Callie:

Kids trying to hold on to the last remnants of summer with both hands packed the beach. I slipped off my sandals and picked them up with one hand while I held the other out to Jay. I didn't want to be there, but I wanted to be with him. My best friend.

He smiled at me, the full pearly white kind of smile, and pulled me to him.

“Hi,” he whispered.

“Hi yourself.”

“Let's have fun tonight, okay?”

He knew what I'd been thinking. This was not my scene.

“Stop reading my mind.” I pushed him back, and he laughed, wrapping an arm around my waist.

“You forget, I know you better than anyone.”

“Yeah, don't think I could forget that if I tried.”

We walked down the beach toward a fledgling bonfire that was sputtering and trying to pick up steam. Three boys stood around it, arms crossed as they tried to look like they knew what they were doing.

“Think they need help?” My brother walked up beside us.

“Nah,” Jay and I said at the same time.

“You two just want to watch them screw it up.”

“That's preposterous,” Jay used his best British accent, raising one finger in the air toward my brother.

Colby swatted it away, shaking his head as I laughed.

“Well, I want a fire.” Colby walked away, calling back over his shoulder. “Besides, I'm not an ass.”

When he was out of earshot, Jay held up his hand, pretending it was a microphone. “Well, let's ask his sister about the truthfulness of that last statement.” He angled it toward me.

“Well, Jeeves, I think I'd have to say someone's pants are on fire.”

“You heard it here first, folks. The pants - the pants are on fire.”

We were both holding our stomachs laughing.

“Jeeves, huh?” he asked.

“It was the British accent.”

“Ah, you do get me, California girl.”

I flinched away from him.

“Sorry.” He bumped his shoulder into mine.

“It's fine.”

My mom named me California because that was the dream. She'd always wanted to live there, surfing every day. It was a dream left unfulfilled. When she got pregnant, she had to be more realistic, moving home to where her ailing father lived. I was eight the first time I asked her about my name. At first, I thought I represented something she had to give up.

I reached up, touching my cheek as if I could still feel her hand there as she told me I didn't represent a failed dream, only a new one.

Colby was busy putting more driftwood onto the fire as we chose a place to sit. We all had plenty of experience with beach fires. Colby, Jamie, Jay, and I used to have them all the time. We stopped last summer when we were caught enjoying one without a permit. Our fires were some of the only times we all hung out over the last few years.

Leaning forward, I dug my hands into the warm sand, feeling it shift back into place with every movement, each grain knowing where it belonged.

The golden sun hung just where the water met the horizon, casting colors across the darkening space.

“Want something to drink?” Jay asked.

“Sure.”

He got up to leave just as Colby walked toward me with Morgan Cook by his side. I had nothing against Morgan, but I didn't particularly like her either. She was one of those girls that everything seemed to come too easy for. Everyone wanted to be her friend. She was gorgeous with her cute blond bob and athletic build. No one could match her on the soccer field. Her dad was a bigwig doctor at the hospital in town, yet missed none of her games, sitting there with his perfect wife.

Was it wrong to be jealous? Was I a horrible person to wish she was a bitch? But no, she was so darn nice that I felt guilty for even disliking her a little.

“Callie,” Colby called. “Is this great, or what?” He gestured back to the fire that was now building.

“You did great, oh genius one.” I bent at the waist to give him a bow.

“You're just green that you don't get to be the hero of the final party before prison is back in session.”

“Yeah, if by green you mean ready to puke.” I mimed vomit coming out of my mouth, and Colby swatted me on the side of the head.

After socking him in the stomach, I looked up to find Morgan grinning at us.

“Oh, go on.” She held her hands in front of her chest. “This'll be the most entertainment I get tonight.”

Colby straightened up at that, probably realizing fighting with his sister in front of one of the most popular girls in school wasn't the best of ideas.

“I can think of better entertainment.” He grinned.

“Ew, gross,” I yelled. “Now I really will puke. Dude, if that was flirting, you're in serious trouble.”

They exchanged a look, one I'd seen before.

“Wait.” I grabbed my brother's arm. “Did you start dating Morgan Cook and not tell me?”

He dragged me out of ear shot of her. “What's the big deal?”

“Um, how about she's out of your league?”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You know what I mean. Different circles and all that.”

“In case you haven't noticed, California, me and you don't exactly have the same friends. Basically, I have them and you don't.”

“Shove off.” I stormed by him and walked right by Morgan without so much as a nod.

When Jay found me again, I was sitting by myself. Handing me a red cup filled with God knows what, he sat down and pulled me close. I leaned into him, knowing that once he left, my brother would be right. I'd be alone.

* * *

An hour passed, and then another. I'd never been one for drinking, preferring control over letting go, but that night I didn't care. I wanted to feel the freedom I always felt when I was out on the water. The willingness to bare my soul out amongst the waves. But you can't hold on to something like that. You can't call it up at will.

Out on the waves, it's a different world with different rules. Those rules didn't apply to solid ground.

My head buzzed, creating fog where there once was clarity. Jay and I walked down to a more secluded part of the beach, away from the noise of my classmates. Classmates I barely knew because I didn't let them know me.

I sat in Jay's lap facing him as he kissed my neck, rubbing his hands up and down my back. I placed my hands on each side of his face and tilted it up so I could kiss him long and hard. His lips were warm, a familiar comfort and needed distraction from life. He was leaving early tomorrow morning, and I couldn't get that goodbye out of my head. I couldn't say it, so I pressed harder against him.

Jay was the only boy I'd ever kissed. The first time was a month after my mom died. He did it to get my mind off her, saying he was being a friend. He'd used that tactic ever since. Whenever I'd be upset, he shocked me out of it with his lips. They were sneak attacks, and they always worked. Then this summer, they ceased being surprises and became normal.

Now I had to try harder to clear my mind. He held me to him until I leaned back and gripped the edge of my shirt, pulling it over my head in one swift motion.

“Callie,” he whispered.

“Don't say it.” I threw my shirt to the sand and leaned in to kiss him again, cutting off further protest. His hands gripped my waist, but when I reached up to unclasp my bra, he took my hands in his, breaking his lips away from mine.

“Stop, Callie.”

At those two words, I scrambled off his lap and lunged for my shirt, desperate to cover up my humiliation.

“I don't know what your problem is.” I climbed to my feet, wanting to run away.

“My problem,” he huffed as he stood up. “Is that my best friend is drunk, and I will not take advantage of her.”

“I'm not drunk.”

“Fine, but you aren't sober either.”

“Do you not want me?” I hated the pathetic sound of my voice as the doubt crept in. My whole life, I told myself I didn't have many friends because I didn't want to, but in the back of my mind lived the thread of self-pity.

“Oh Gosh.” He scratched the back of his head, his black hair blending in to the night surrounding us. “I've wanted you as long as I can remember. But, Cal, I'm not going to be your escape. You love me, right?”

“Of course.”

He put a hand on each of my shoulders to look me in the eye. “But you aren't in love with me.”

My shoulders dropped.

“I don't think I love you that way either,” he continued.

“I think you should go.” My fuzzy thoughts turned to anger. I knew it wasn't right, but I couldn't help myself.

“You're probably right. I have to leave early.” He took my hand, and I let him lead me back to the party without another word.

I couldn't stand the thought of a long, drawn-out goodbye in Jay's car as he dropped me off, so I told him to leave without me.

He hesitated.

“My brother can drive me home.”

Another long moment passed, and he leaned in for one final kiss. “You're my best friend,” he whispered. “Don't forget that.”

I forced a smile to my lips and nodded toward the parking lot as I watched him walk away. Turning toward the crowd, I forced my way through. Jamie sat playing his guitar for a crowd of people, his surprisingly sweet voice drifting through the air.

Shaking my head at the girls trying to lean in closer to him, I tried to clear it of this crippling self-pity that was working its way into my psyche. I'd have given anything to be on my board.

I was standing on the water's edge, staring into the black foaming waves when Morgan walked up beside me.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I looked sideways, trying to gage the sincerity of her question. I couldn't tell what she wanted. Maybe it was the three drinks I'd had, or that my best and only true friend just left, but I was tired of shunning everyone. Tired of my suspicion and disdain. I was tired of being alone.

“No,” I admitted, looking out at the sea once again. “I'm not okay.”

She tucked her hair behind her ears and nodded.

I walked forward, wanting one thing. The beach sloped into the water until it dropped off. I knew exactly where that point was, and I dove in without a second thought. The water encased me, molding to me to let me pass through, suspended, weightless. My jeans worked to drag me down so my hands unbuckled them and slid the stiff fabric down my legs, knowing my underwear wasn't any more revealing than my bathing suit.

When I came up for air, I noticed a group of people milling at the edge of the water, looking for me.

“Callie!” Morgan's voice rose above the rest.

I continued to float, giving my legs a slight kick to push me toward the beach. The waves tonight were small rollers that pushed me up as they churned. My hair floated out behind me, surrounding my head.

The noise grew louder as I moved closer to the shore.

“Come on, Callie,” Morgan said as soon as she spotted me. “You shouldn't swim at night.”

I didn't answer, but guilt seeped in. I didn't want to worry her. She didn't know there was less out here to hurt me than there was in there.

The warm water washed away the last bits of haze, and I was more clear headed than I'd been all night. I stood up, forgetting I'd removed my jeans.

There were snickers coming from a few boys nearby as I waded in, making me feel a self-consciousness that hadn't been there only moments before. My legs stopped moving, refusing to come in any closer. I tugged on the edges of my shirt, trying to pull it down as much as I could. The laughter grew louder.

“Shut up.” I heard Morgan snap. They didn't listen.

“Hey,” a boy said, walking up next to her. Tony Andrews. “You're looking good tonight, Callie.”

When I didn't respond, he took it as a cue to keep going.

“If you want to hang out with me, I promise you won't need pants.” His friends laughed nearby. “Come on.” He stepped forward and grabbed my arm, pulling me out of the water.

A shiver ran up my spine as a breeze lifted the hair on my arms. It snapped me out of my embarrassment, and I tried to twist my arm out of his grasp. When that didn't work, I kneed him in the leg and he let go.

“What the hell,” he yelled, his words slurred. His friends had backed away, offering no help.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Morgan run off. So much for being friends.

“Leave me the hell alone,” I snarled.

“Cat's got bite.” Tony laughed.

“Come any closer and I'll show you how hard I can bite, and not the way I know you're thinking.”

Tony Andrews had always been a jerk, but now he was a drunk jerk.

He reached out and tried to grab me again, but I spun out of his reach.

“Hey douchebag,” someone said behind Tony.

He turned into Jamie's fist.