35

35


The smell of lemon clung to the back of my throat, and every time I breathed, it rose up again and made my stomach twist after a while. I closed my eyes at some point and opened them again to that same gray light leaking through the curtains. Morning, maybe. Or noon.

Lissa was gone and I didn't know how long I was asleep for. She had helped me change into the cleaner clothes and forced me to lie on the bed, somewhere between her sweeping the room and some men walking in, I dozed off.

I sat up at once and immediately winced, nursing my aching knees. Must've been from kneeling on the floor for too long. My fingers also, were cold, stiff and there was goosebumps all over my arms. Lissa must’ve opened the window to let's all pungent smell of blood out or turned the air lower because it felt like I was in a freezer.

I made my way to the bathroom to wash my fash and brush, moment after I returned back to bad, the door was pushed open and Lissa walked in carrying a tray covered with one of those silver lids they use to make foods look fancy. She set it on the small table and lifted the lid. Steam curled out of the perfectly made scrambled eggs, toast, a glass of water still dripping onto the napkin. She stood there for maybe two seconds, like she was checking if I was still breathing, then turned around and left.

It looked good alright.

But it's not everyday you kill someone, you never know when the appetite leaves you, the strength to even do anything, when half the time you're trying to drown the images and thoughts in your head. The smell made me sick, the eggs mixing with that fake lemon in the air. I didn’t know if I was hungry or just nauseous or both. I picked up the fork once, dropped it again when my hand shook too much. My throat still hurt when I swallowed, and it made me think of Marcus again. I tried not to, but the thought crawled in anyway.

After a while I got up and went to the window. The glass was cold against my forehead when I leaned on it. The city went on like nothing had happened with cars moving to and fro, It was as if nobody knew, like they even will.

Will his family not ask for him?

What about his wife and... Kids? I just killed the father of some innocent kids.

Oh I hope he didn't have any. I hope a man who let his sexual desires control him didn't have any kid, not even one.

~
The next morning—at least I think it was the next morning—the lemon smell had faded and all that was left was the strawberry air freshener that was brought in sometime last night, and the aroma of the foods being brought in and taken out. For whatever reason I caught myself breathing into my sleeve of the dress I wore without realizing it. The fabric still smelled faintly of the soap from the doll house. Stupid thing to notice, and to ruin my mood further.

Know that I'll be returning to that he'll hope after this did everything to my sanity.

The door opened sometime in the afternoon. Quietly, like always. I thought it might be Moretti here to tell me it was tike to return to Italy, but it was Lissa again. She looked tired this time, pale under the lights. Her hair wasn’t in its usual perfect bun—it had slipped a little at the back. She had her phone in her hand, the glow painting her face blue.

“He wants you dressed,” she said finally, her voice hoarse. “You’re accompanying the Don somewhere.”

She waited a bit after, maybe expecting me to answer, but I didn’t. I just looked at her, and she looked at me, and then she sighed through her nose and left the door open as she walked away.

I sat there a long time after that, trying to understand what “accompanying” meant. Probably meant out. Somewhere public? Somewhere I’d have to walk and pretend to breathe like a normal person? Or to the station?

Maybe not the station. Well then to kill me for killing his worker, or throw me into a lake like Nicole is probably wishing for?

The idea of leaving the room made my chest tighten, but saying no wasn’t even a thought that existed.

Maybe this would be my chance.

I freshened up and picked something from the wardrobe at random. A denim pants and one of my big shirts. The last thing I wanted was to lose an opportunity of running away because of a dress.

When I opened the door, the hallway was empty except for Lissa leaning against the far wall. She had her phone pressed to her ear, speaking in hushed tones into it, her eyes narrowed like she didn’t want anyone hearing what she was saying. She straightened when she saw me and pocketed the phone, her gaze sweeping over me once, up and down, like she was checking for something. She gave a small nod, and motioned for me to get in front of her as we walked down the corridor.

The patterns on the floor swallowed every sound our shoes made. I watched the patterns blur under my steps until my eyes started to ache. When we reached the elevator, she pressed the button, and the soft ding made my heart jolt for no reason at all.

The doors opened, and we stepped inside. The mirrored walls threw our reflections back at us.

When the doors finally opened again, colder air drifted in, two men in suits stood near the entrance. Same faces I’d seen before—or maybe different, they all looked the same after a while. They nodded to Lissa and one of them glanced over my head, scanning the hallway behind us, his hand twitching near his jacket pocket.

“Stay close, don't try anything stupid, I'm not in the mood to put up with your nonsense.” she said.

I literally did nothing.

When we reached the next set of doors, Lissa paused and checked her phone again before pushing them open.