Chapter 22

All kinds of emotions run through my mind, but I mostly felt nonplused staring at Sylvia standing in front of me looking like a chic model.

She is dressed in black high-waisted pants with suspenders and a red long sleeve crop top. Her hair is in a stylish ponytail and light makeup compliments her outfit.

"What a nice way to greet your sister whom you haven't seen for so long," she says sarcastically before taking a seat beside the bed.

"And whose fault is that?" I roll my eyes at her. "Why are you here?" I ask again.

"I promised you I would find a way to get Dad's approval," she says before placing a file on my lap.

My eyes spark with excitement and happiness hearing these words from her. But then I stare at the file in my lap. "What is this supposed to be?"

"Open the file and see for yourself," she urges, sounding calm.

I open the file and find pictures of couples and information about their lives like years of marriage, occupation, mental stability, etc.

Seeing my confusion, she explains. "I found out from the doctor that your baby is very healthy and growing very fast." She pauses momentarily, studying my expression before speaking. "So here is the plan."

I bite my bottom lip, feeling weird.

"This is the information for couples who are capable and willing to adopt your baby..."

My gaze snaps up to her. "What?" I ask, not wanting to understand where this is leading.

"Shiloh, this is all that I could come up with to help you," she says calmly, staring into my eyes with guilt.

Before I can reply she continues. "You could meet these five couples to get a better idea about them and find the perfect couple for your baby," she says, showing me the different pictures of the couples.

"How is this going to help?" I ask sternly.

"This is the best solution I could come up with right now. Your baby would have a complete family and then you can ask for forgiveness from Dad. After all, the baby is the reason Dad sent you away," she says nonchalantly.

I stare at her intensely as she flips through the file and goes over the details of each couple.

I study her carefully searching for any indication I can find to make this a dream or maybe this lady my sister. That this is just a misunderstanding.

But this has become my reality. My family is all just strangers. Those closest to me pushed me down and left me alone.

I had to keep my feelings locked down. I told myself that no matter how much it hurt, I wouldn’t let them know. Just keep on smiling.

I stare at her with a glimmer of tears in my eyes, but I refuse to look vulnerable or helpless anymore.

I blink back the tears. I’m offended by her idea.

"Was it so easy?" I ask calmly, trying to bottle up my anger and frustration.

"What?" she asks curiously, searching for any emotion in my eyes, but I stare at her blankly.

"Was it easy when you left me hanging?"

She looks confused, but her eyes say a different thing. "I don't understand your question."

"Why are you doing this? How could you even consider this an option?" I say, waving the file in the air. "I will never give my baby up for adoption no matter how convincing you are," I say firmly.

I fling the file across the room.

"Shiloh, I know what you are feeling right now, but all this is for your good," she says softly, trying to take my hands in hers, but I pull my hand away.

I glare at her.

"No, you don't understand anything. Not when you left me alone when I needed you, and now here you are telling me to give my baby away," I say through gritted teeth.

She looks at me dejected. "Please, Shiloh, just listen to me," she pleads.

I am done listening. For once, she needs to listen.

"Come to think of it," I say thoughtfully, "You’re all scared because this may get to the public. You’re only trying to get rid of my baby because of your selfish reasons," I say spitefully.

The words coming from my mouth feel so foreign. I have never sounded like this no matter how angry I was, but maybe this is what happens when I’m pushed to my limit.

I feel a sharp sting on my cheek, snapping me out of my thoughts and making tears roll down from my cheeks. I hiss from the impact, blinking to clear the cloud of tears blocking my eyes and trying to focus on my surroundings. Finally, I find Sylvia staring at her hands like they’re not hers, looking stunned.

I place my hand on my cheek, feeling the red imprint of her hand on my cheek.

Sylvia would never raise her hand to me, but I guess things have changed. "Shiloh, I am so sorry."

I put my hand between us, stopping her apology. I wipe away the tears.

"It’s okay," I say calmly, suddenly feeling weary.

"Mum and Dad care about you, but things are so complicated. There are things we can't tell you right now," she says furtively.

I shake my head. "I won't beg for your time and attention any more. The more you ignore me, the more I will get used to being ignored," I say meeting her sad gaze. "If you stop calling me, I will stop waiting for your calls. If you stop sending me text messages, I will get rid of my habit of checking my phone all day." She tries cutting me off, but I refuse to let her speak because I just need to get all this desperation off my chest. But why does it feel like I am breaking my own heart?

"The more you stay away from me, the more I will adapt to staying away from you," I say, not only directing these words to her but to everyone who hurt me.

She runs her hand over her face looking sad and helpless. The Sylvia I know always looks collected with a bright smile, but right now she looks nothing like that.

I sigh, placing my feet on the ground and walking past her. I pick up my bag from the chair in front of Dr. Anna’s office desk.

"If one day, you notice that we haven't talked in a while, it's not because I don't care anymore. It's because you pushed me away and made me feel like I wasn’t important," I say calmly with my back facing her.

I walk towards the exit, not bothering to wait for Dr. Anna.

My heart was beating at a fast pace, making me feel suffocated as if the room is closing on me. I feel forlorn. My mind and heart are at war with each other, each begging for control.

My heart wants to forgive and forget everything, and accept this as my fate, but my mind can't forgive or forget all I have been through.

Someone once told me to always follow my heart, but is the heart always, right?

I step into the car and pull my phone out of my bag. I scroll through my contacts until I find the number I want and press the call button.

Shane picked up after the first ring. "Hello, beautiful lady," he says, sounding elated.

"Are you busy right now?" I ask, crossing my fingers and praying he is free.

"No, I am actually free for the next 2 hours. Is everything alright? You sound off?" he asks worriedly.

I smile when I hear he’s free. "Can you please meet me at the park?" I say, ignoring his question.

"Okay. See you there in five minutes," he says before exchanging goodbyes.

I end the call and start up the car. My eyes lock with Sylvia as she walks out of the hospital with Dr. Anna beside her. I look away from her as I drive off.

Shane and I have grown closer. He knows about my family and Chance. Since Louis and Damien are Chance's best friends, I can't really tell them everything, but with Shane, I can tell him anything. It just comes so easy telling him my problems because he is a great listener.

I sit on a bench in the park waiting for Shane. I check my bag for a sandwich consisting of only bread and jam. I take a bite from it while waiting for Shane to arrive.

He arrives and takes a seat beside me. He’s dressed in ripped blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and a denim jacket.

"Thanks for coming," I say with a smile.

"I’m only here for some juicy gossip, so start spilling," he says, making me laugh.

I told him about my encounter with Sylvia and he pays attention to everything I say.

"I am tired of being a secret. I just want people to see me as someone's friend, sister, and daughter. Not just a philanthropy case." My voice cracks with emotion.

I rub my eyes with my hands. "I have decided to no longer care. I just want to do something for myself and my baby."

Shane hands me a blue napkin. Taking it from him I wipe my tears, sniffing before saying thank you. He encourages me to continue.

"I want to do something that makes me happy instead of what others require of me," I say. "I don't think I deserve to be treated this way."

"So, what are you going to do about it?" Shane asks softly with his gaze focused intensely on me.

I contemplate his question for a few minutes. "I think it’s time to focus on me, not what people think, getting attention or love, but just on me," I say firmly with a sense of determination.

"That’s what I need you to do. Forget about those who don't value you and focus on building yourself," he says soothingly with a warm smile.

I mirror his smile, feeling relieved that I could share my dilemma with someone. "I am sorry for being a cry baby," I say apologetically as a blush creeps up my cheeks.

He laughs lightly. "You don't have to be embarrassed. We are best friends for a reason," he says, nudging my shoulder.

I guess you don't meet anyone accidentally. There's always a reason behind it.

"Shiloh, you just need to know when to stand on your own two feet," he advised in a calm voice.

I see Shane as a witty person, not just because he is three years older than me, but because he has been through a lot to get where he is right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I stare at the ceiling of the room, thinking about my next step when I hear a knock on the door. I look at the door as Emma walks in.

"Hey, are you okay?" she asks, studying the expression on my face.

"I am fine," I say, focusing my attention on the ceiling while she stands beside the bed.

"Shane called. He told me what happened," she utters softly. "Would you like to talk about it?" she asks warily.

I glance her way. "No, I am trying to forget ever seeing her today."

"Scoot over," she orders, standing beside the bed.

"What?" I ask, confused.

"Scoot over. Let me join you on the bed," she says mildly.

I move swiftly, creating space for her. "Emma," I say softly, breaking the peaceful silence between us.

"Yes?"

I glance at her before speaking. "I am so happy you are here right now. With everything happening, you, Louis, and Damien never left," I say with a wide grin.

"I learned something from Shane today—"

"And what is that?" I roll my eyes at her with a smile still on my lips even though she cut me off.

"I learned that even though I lost Chance and my family, I was able to find new friends like Shane, Summer, and William, who really care and are willing to be here for me," I say, thinking about how I met each of them.

"Yeah, they are really nice people, and I am happy you can see what is right in front of you," she says gleefully.

"If I ever get a second life, I will always choose you as my best friend," I say smugly.

"Why would you choose me as your best friend when you could make me your real sister?" she teases.

"Because you don't deserve a family like mine but a nice and caring family just like yours," I said yawning.

I turn my back to her and close my eyes. "Now go away. I need to sleep."

"What a nice way to address your best friend." The bed moves as she stands up. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

"No, I am going shopping with Elaina later at four," I whisper, feeling exhausted.

"Okay. I will be in the living room if you need anything," she says as she leaves the room.

•••••••••••••••••••

My heart beats rapidly. My lungs ache as my breath heaves at a quick pace. My legs throb from running, but I can't stop now, not when my baby is in danger.

I push forward in the somber night, stumbling a few times, but I have to pull myself up before they get me. I stare at the baby in my hands, wrapped safely in a blanket and sleeping peacefully, unaware of the danger waiting to take him/her away.

I come to a stop reaching the end, which makes panic run through me. I can't turn back now. They will get me, but I can't move forward anymore.

Tears run down my cheeks. I feel helpless with no way of avoiding this awful fate.

"Give us the tot," a voice commands me.

My body trembles with fear. I clutch my baby tightly to my chest and turn around to face the voice behind me.

Sylvia and Mum stand in front of me with evil looks. I hold the baby tight and move backward, but with each step I take, they get closer.

"No. No. No, GO AWAY," I exclaim desperately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I blink my eyes open as my heart beats rapidly with fear. "It was a dream," I sigh, running my shaky hands through my messy hair.

I stand up from the bed with much difficulty and trudge to the living room where I know Emma will be because I am in need of a companion.

I take a seat on the couch beside her while she lazily watches a movie. "Are you alright? You look pale."

"No, I had a dream where my mum and Sylvia were attempting to take my child away from me." I shudder as the memories of the dream run through my mind. "I am so scared. What if they succeed in taking away my child?" I say tremulously.

She moves to take a seat beside me, trying to soothe me.

"I can't bear the thought of ever losing my baby because this child has become my life."

"You had a panic attack. Take a deep breath," she advises as she pats me on the back.

"I am so scared, Emma," I say, trying to normalize my breath.

Black spots cloud my vision, making it difficult to see anything.

"Shiloh, please take a deep breath," she says anxiously as my eyes close.