CHAPTER FOURTY-FOUR

CHAPTER FOURTY-FOUR

Anna's POV
Anna woke up sometime after noon.
For a few seconds, she lay still in that spot, staring at the ceiling above her while her mind slowly caught up with reality.

The room was quiet. At least the absence of human noise… the machinery faint hum of the air conditioner and the natural and occasional chirping of birds from somewhere outside the window.
Then everything came rushing back at once.
Anna sighed exhausted at the possibility that the woman sitting beside her bed yesterday might actually be her mother.
Anna closed her eyes. Even thinking about it made her head hurt.
“Arghh” she groaned and rolled onto her side and buried her face in the pillow. The soft fabric smelled faintly of lavender perfume. Everything in this place smelled expensive. The sheets. The room. Even the flowers on the table somehow looked rich.
It was strange and new to Anna. As a bedroom setting.

She had spent most of her life in places where ten children shared one room and privacy was a luxury nobody could afford. Yet here she was, occupying a room larger than some of the orphanage buildings she had lived in.
The irony wasn't lost on her.
A knock sounded on the door distracting her from the awe.
Before she could answer, a maid entered carrying a breakfast tray.
"Good afternoon, Miss Anna."
“Ah …” Anna pushed herself upright.
The title still felt odd every time she heard it.
At work she was Anna. To Wesley she was usually just Anna, maybe with an accent sometimes.

The maid placed the tray on a nearby table before turning toward her with a smile.
"Mrs. Desmond asked me to make sure you eat everything."
That earned the smallest smile from Anna. "Everything?" She chuckled, her eyes already feasting on the rich and carefully arranged food on the tray.
The maid nodded seriously.
"Everything ma."
Anna laughed softly despite herself. This one was genuine. It felt like she hadn't laughed in days.
The maid relaxed immediately.
"I'm glad you're feeling better na."
Anna looked up at her still smiling, then down at the tray again.
She was feeling really good. Life felt so good.
But her mind felt even harder still. The DNA results weren't out yet. This might come out to be a tease. A one time view of this life.

She exhaled.

The maid hesitated for a moment before speaking again.
"You know..."
Anna looked up at her immediately.
The woman immediately seemed to regret opening her mouth but she continued still, “You look so much like her. You even have the same eyes."

Anna didn't reply, making the maid's smile vanish.
Anna stared at her. The maid stared back. For several seconds neither of them moved. Then the woman cleared her throat awkwardly.
"I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry ma."
"No," Anna said softly. "It's fine." She dismissed.
But it wasn't. Because now those words were stuck in her head. Was she really similar to this Anna girl? Or was she truly Juliana that was lost.
The maid excused herself shortly afterward, leaving Anna alone with her breakfast and her thoughts.
She wasn't hungry anymore even after salivating over the food a few seconds ago.
Instead, she found herself staring at the large mirror across the room. Paying attention to her eyes especially and trying to remember Mrs Desmond’s. Green. Similar.
After a few seconds, she got more engrossed so she got out of bed and walked toward it.
The reflection staring back at her looked exactly the same as it always had.
The same hair. The same face shape.

She smiled again, touching her cheeks gently. Yesterday she had been an orphan. Today she might be somebody's daughter. The thought unsettled her more than she wanted to admit. But damn. That's good news.

She looked away from the mirror and rubbed her forehead. Maybe that was the real problem. She didn't know who she was anymore. The Anna she knew had been built around certain facts.
That she was an orphan and that had no family. Even when she was kidnapped, she didn't expect anyone to ever come looking for her.

Those facts had shaped her entire life.
What would happen if they weren't true?

By afternoon, she couldn't stay in the room any longer.
She needed some fresh air and new thoughts. “I've been thinking about my identity all morning that I might go insane,” she whispered to herself as she slid her foot into a fancy summer sandal.

The mansion was much quieter than it had been the previous day.
The reporters were gone. The decorations had mostly been removed but the place still looked festive and dramatic. But calmer and personal.

As she walked through the corridors, several staff members greeted her warmly. Every single one knew her name also.

She looked surprised at that but didn't comment or ask how. Of course she knew how fast gossips spread.

One elderly housekeeper nearly burst into tears before quickly excusing herself.
Anna had no idea what to do with any of it so she just shrugged and continued.

Family portraits covered the walls. She paused, touching some. Some made her gasp. Some made her unsettled.

Everywhere she looked there was evidence of a life she felt close to but still very far as she couldn't remember.

Eventually she stopped in front of a long wall covered entirely in framed photographs.
Most of them featured the same little girl. The little girl from the album. The little girl with green cheerful eyes. The little girl Mrs. Desmond believed was her.
Anna studied the photographs one by one.

In one picture, the child sat on Mr. Desmond's shoulders while laughing at something outside the frame.
In another, she was covered in birthday cake while Mrs. Desmond tried unsuccessfully to clean her face.
The photographs weren't posed. And that was what struck Anna the most.
They felt real. Communicative and alive. Like she could see that day and even smell it. But she just couldn't remember.

A strange ache settled in her chest that she couldn't explain.
Maybe it was because she had no photographs like these with her. Whether this was her or not, she would never see her childhood.
No single memory, whether mental or hard copy.

Her childhood existed only in fragments and right now, she couldn't even recollect anyone.

Most of it had disappeared long ago.

"She hated vegetables." A soft voice said behind her, startling her.
Anna turned immediately.
Mr. Desmond.

She was standing a few feet away.

His gaze rested on one of the photographs.
"The day that picture was taken, she hid broccoli inside her pockets so she wouldn't have to eat it."
Anna looked at the photograph again.
The little girl was grinning mischievously. For some reason, she found herself smiling.
Mr. Desmond noticed it too
His expression softened and he looked less intimidating.

For a while they stood there quietly. Neither of them seemed in a hurry to speak.
Before Anna finally broke the silence. "Do you really think it's me?" The question slipped out before she could stop it or think twice.
Mr. Desmond looked at her, "We hope it is." He said plainly.

His answer surprised her. The way he said it. It made her lose faith even. He hadn't tried to convince her.
He simply looked like a man trying very hard not to hope too much and then fail. But it was also lessening her faith.

Anna looked away first. That expression was difficult to look at.
Years of disappointment lived there on Mr Desmond's face. So many years of grief and searching.

There isn't even another child.
Then she comes and gives them hope. And then fail them again.
It made her feel guilty. And she wasn't entirely sure why. But surely it would hurt this man if he felt so close only to be wrong.

They spoke for a little while longer before Mr. Desmond was called away.
When he left, Anna remained where she was. Her eyes drifted back toward the photographs.
She looked at the smiling little girl. A life she couldn't remember.

If people could fake anything, surely not twenty years of grief. Loosing a baby you have bonded with was torture.

This warmth, love and guilt, she could only wish that somehow, she was this child. Just so that everything will be right. For once.