Chapter 17 CRAVING
LILIAN POV
I woke up feeling like I’d been hit by a truck, dragged three miles, and then glued back together with anxiety and bad coffee.
The sun was already shining through the blinds, stabbing at my eyes like it had a personal issues.
“Morning,” I muttered to no one. My voice was hoarse. " thank God I survived.” barely actually.
My head pounded, my body felt heavy, like gravity had doubled overnight. The nightmares hadn’t stopped, not even after I’d opened my eyes. They’d just… lingered.
My mother’s voice still echoed in my skull “Close your eyes, Lilian…” like an old record stuck on the worst lyric.
“Yeah, that’s not creepy at all,” I muttered, dragging myself out of bed.
I didn’t even bother checking the mirror this time. I knew what I looked like: eyes red, skin pale, hair like that of Elsa.
The walking embodiment of insomnia and trauma.
The morning shower didn’t help. The water was cold, and so was I.
I threw on my usual jeans, hoodie, and sneakers the holy trinity of not giving a damn and checked the clock.
8:42 a.m.
“Oh, Shit.”
I was supposed to be in class by eight, I hurriedly grabbed my bag, my phone, and bolted out the door like the building was on fire.
By the time I reached school, my lungs were screaming. The autumn air cut sharp through my throat, and I could already imagine Miss Vale’s voice drilling into my skull like a migraine.
Of course it had to be literature class today... Of course.
Because nothing says “great morning after reliving your parents’ death” like fifty minutes of poetic symbolism and Miss Vale’s disappointed sighs.
When I finally reached the door, I stood there for a full five seconds, catching my breath.
Maybe if I waited long enough, the world would implode and save me the trouble of walking in late.
But there was no such luck, I pushed the door open, Every head turned to my direction.
Great, such a center stage attraction... Just where I wanted to be.
Miss Vale paused mid-sentence, her eyes narrowing like laser sights. She was the kind of woman who could make silence feel like punishment.
“Nice of you to finally join us, Lilian,” she said, voice calm but sharp enough to draw blood like she didn't scare the fuck out of me last night.
I opened my mouth to come up with something clever ...sarcasm was my only defense mechanism but all I managed was, “Yeah....Sorry I kind of overslept.”
Her lips curved, not in a smile but in that teacher way that says you’re already dead.
“See me after class,” she said simply, before turning back to the board.
“Awesome,” I muttered under my breath. “Can’t wait.”
I slid into my usual seat beside Mia, who immediately elbowed me.
“Ow,” I hissed.
“Girl, what the hell?” she whispered. “You’re never late. You okay?”
I nodded too quickly. “Yeah. Just… slept in.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Since when do you sleep at all?”
I tried to laugh but it came out like a wheeze. “Touché.”
She gave me a look half worried, half I’m gonna pry this out of you later before turning back to her notes.
Miss Vale’s voice droned on at the front, something about metaphors and human fragility.
Normally I’d have at least tried to focus, but today my brain was static.
And then, somewhere between “existential dread” and “Romanticism,” it hit.
That smell, Metallic and warm, Blood !.
Someone must’ve gotten a nosebleed tiny, stupid, human it was nothing to them but to me it was like the whole room had shifted.
The air thickened, humming with heat dripping down my chin.
I swallowed hard, trying to breathe through my mouth, but that just made it worse.
It was in my throat now on my tongue forcing the familiar scent down my throat.
“Oh no,” I whispered, pressing a hand to my stomach. “Not now.... please not now”
The hunger curled inside me, sharp and low, an ache that felt too close to pain, My veins felt hot, my teeth ached.
Every heartbeat in that room sounded like a drumbeat under my skin.
I pressed my nails into my palm, forcing focus. “You’re fine..... You’re human.... Remember?”
The universe, of course, decided to make it worse, My stomach growled very loud and Heads turned.
“Really?” I muttered under my breath. “Now you decide to be vocal?”
Mia stifled a laugh beside me. “You good?”
I forced a grin. “Yeah, my stomach’s just… auditioning for a horror movie.”
Miss Vale didn’t even glance at me, She kept writing on the board with her voice calm.
Almost like she knew exactly what was happening. I shifted in my seat, trying to focus on anything else.
Someone’s pen clicked over and over making it worse ... cont they just drop the damn pen!.
Each sound made the blood in my veins pulse faster.
I could hear everything... every breath, every heartbeat, every drop of blood moving through veins around me.
It was maddening And Miss Vale…
She paused mid-sentence, her hand still in the air. Slowly, she turned her head and met my gaze.
Her eyes weren’t angry this time. Just… aware.
For a second, the room felt colder, She didn’t say anything, but that look that small, knowing tilt of her head made me want to crawl out of my own skin.
I tore my eyes away and pretended to write notes. My handwriting came out shaky.
Just breathe, Lilian..... Don’t lose it in the middle of class.
“Would you like to read the next passage?” Miss Vale’s voice cut through my panic.
My hand went stiff Immediately, Every head turned to me again... bro am doomed.
“Uh,” I said eloquently. “Sure.”
She handed me the book.... My palms were damp.
I stared down at the page “Her pulse was a fragile music under his touch…”
Oh, for fuck’s sake....
I swallowed hard, words sticking to my throat. “Um… her pulse—uh—was…”
The letters swam...... My vision blurred.
I could hear Mia whispering, “Lilian? Hey, you okay?” but it sounded far away.
I blinked..... The room tilted for a second, everything too bright, too loud.
I blinked again and found Miss Vale staring straight at me, one eyebrow slightly raised.
“Thank you, Lilian,” she said softly. “That’s enough.”
Her tone wasn’t scolding this time, it was something else like she was studying me.
When the bell finally rang, I nearly bolted for the door.
But then I heard miss.vale say “Lilian. Stay.”
Of course, Mia shot me a sympathetic look. “Good luck,” she whispered before slipping out.
I turned slowly... Miss Vale was leaning against her desk, arms crossed, watching me.
“You’ve been distracted lately,” she said finally. “Is everything alright?”
I forced a smile. “Yeah. Just… tired.”
Her gaze lingered, searching. “Your energy feels… off.”
“My energy?” I repeated, deadpan. “What are you, a therapist or a psychic?”
Her lips twitched. “Would you believe me if I said both?”
I blinked. “I’d believe you teach too many metaphors.”
She smiled faintly, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Go home and rest, Lilian. You look pale.”
“Wow.... Thanks.... Always nice hearing that from a teacher.”
“Be careful on your way,” she added, softer this time. “The weather’s changing.”
That shouldn’t have sounded ominous, but somehow it did.
When I stepped out into the hallway, the air felt colder again.
The students around me were laughing, chatting, living their best life.
And I.... I was counting heartbeats again.
One..... Two.... Three.
Each one like a drop of rain on the inside of my skull.
By the time I reached the exit doors, my hands were shaking again.
I pressed them into my pockets, muttering to myself, “You’re fine. Totally fine.”
But I wasn’t, Maybe Seraphine was right. Maybe “normal” really wasn’t coming back.
And as I stepped out into the gray afternoon, I realized the smell of blood wasn’t gone and am craving it.