Chapter 47

**We're back to Valerie's POV. Enjoy :)**

My eyes shoot open as the silence envelops my existence; It rings so loud that my ears bleed.

It feels uncomfortable. Foreign. Lonely. *Suffocating!*

My mind is hazy, and my head is pounding. I cannot seem to form any thoughts. Everything looks like a blur…

I float through the darkness like a ghost. Unseen and lost. This must be what death feels like, right?

Distant noises of laughter capture my attention. Not just one, but multiple voices echo all around me – Why does this feel familiar?

"Hello?" I ask, hoping someone will hear me. When no one does, fear engulfs me. No, please don't let death reflect my life, *please!* "Hey! I'm here!"

They continue to play, laugh, and ignore the desperate wails of the woman beneath them. Paranoia eats at my thoughts, telling me something is watching-... *There!* In the darkness.

My breath refuses to leave my lungs. I can feel my nerves fire anxiously, like someone is holding them captive.

I know-... I know my wish for a saviour is useless, but I hope Jaxson would hear me. I hope someone will.

"It's futile. No one can hear you here," a soft voice of a young girl croaks. My body stiffens. My eyes scan through the void in search of the figure.

"Who are you? *Where* are you?" I fire off questions, desperate to find an escape from this place. Anywhere but this place. The blackness slowly creeps into my soul, where the echoes of my past live to haunt me.

The girl speaks again. Only she sounds closer. "Me? I'm just a nobody. Nobody at all," she murmurs sadly. Something about the pain in her voice urges me to find her.

I continue walking aimlessly in the darkness, guided by the echoes of her voice, until a distant flicker of light snatches my attention. Relief sings to every cell in my body, my legs pushing their limit reaching out to escape the shadows of my past.

I'm close! The light reaches out and curls around my hand. My arms. My front. My legs-... until I'm completely consumed. I didn't expect anything once I entered this place, but even I paused in shock once I realised where I am.

We were in a small, putrid dungeon. A tiny window too high for anyone to reach. All around me, the shrieking howls of the insane resound – this feels all too familiar.

"No one can help. No one will ever help. No amount of begging, crying, screaming will help me. *Nothing* sways these creatures," the voice trembles slightly. It comes from behind me. I turn around to find a little girl crouching in one corner of the dungeon. Old and new bruises paint her pale skin black and blue. Some red cuts serve as additional decoration.

"This place-…" I whisper, fear lacing my tone. I never expected to see this place again. Taking in the sight -- even after a decade, I still recall every detail correctly.

The cobwebs shimmering under the moon's glow. The lines carved into the concrete wall to mark a new day. That god awful scent! Every drop of my blood staining these walls—all of it.

"This is where it would all happen. He would chain me to the floor and wrap my wrists and ankles in heavy silver. He tore my flesh raw with those whips plaited in hooks. He'd cut me open. Break my bones. Anything. Everything." She hugs her knees even tighter, her words trembling with every syllable passing her chapped and pale lips.

My gaze slowly falls onto her numerous scars, and I realise they match mine. In the back of my mind, I know who this girl was. We carry the same memories, the same scars, the same pain.

"At first, I didn't know what I did wrong to deserve it. I begged for forgiveness, and I told him that I would do better - every day. I asked again and again, what I could do to make him happy. But you see, it changes every time. One day he would ask for the moon, then he would ask for the sun, then he would ask for anything else. Then I realised, I will never be enough." She continues as she makes little circles on the floor.

Unknowingly, tears start to well up and escape my amethyst eyes. I remember it too—that behind all the hatred, behind my selfish craving for revenge, is just a little girl who wanted to be loved.

*How did that make me weak?*

"I began screaming for help whenever he hurt me. I'd scream so loudly I'd cough out my own voice box. I mean, a pack is supposed to be your family, right? But no one came to rescue me. I even fantasised of a fairy godmother who would rescue me, just like she did to Cinderella. No one cares though... I was all alone for years, as their laughter mocked me during the day, and they fell asleep to my cries," the girl whispers sadly.

She does not cry, she is not mad. She's simply… lost hope.

I get it too-... she *is* me.

I didn't know what cut me deeper: My father's brutal endeavours or the pack my mother called family? It hurt that they ignored me. It hurt that they turned a blind eye. Wasn't I worth a damn risk?!

"You know, as I laid on this floor and bled for days, I would question why he didn't love me. He is my father and also my tormentor. What was so wrong with me, that he would steal time out of his day just to make my life miserable? W-Why?" She croaks.

Yeah, what? What was so wrong with me that they couldn't accept me?

Was it my eyes? Take them! I didn't want them.

Was it my hair? Cut it. I don't care!

Or was it that your blood ran through my veins, Father? If only I had some way to change it – if only it would make you happy. Anything to have you accept me. To look me in the eyes, and tell me I'm precious to you, that you love me.

No, that was just too much.

"I hate him. I hate him for crushing my heart. I hate him because, before the abuse, before the cruel words, before all the hatred - when I was pure and untouched by the horrors of life - I loved him. He's my father, he's the first man I loved, and he wasn't supposed to be the one to break my heart - to break me." She sniffled, splotches of scorching hot tears threaten to spill out.

"But that is not the worst part. The worst part is, despite my hatred, despite his cruelty, I still love him, and I still yearn to be loved by him! Why can't I just hate him? He was nothing but horrible to me! Why am I so broken?!" The girl breaks into heavy sobs somewhere in the darkness.

I take hesitant steps towards her, peering through the blackness she hides in, her silver hair brushes her bruised and swollen ankles. A soiled cloth wraps over her small figure, her creamy white skin is pale and dirty as her violet eyes peer into mine.

"It isn't fair, I know. There's a large part of me that wants to lie. Tell you everything is fine. We're going to be fine – but it isn't. It never is for us," I whisper sadly. "Truth is, every day is going to be a nightmare. The pain will cling to you like an obsessive boyfriend. Gods will take Nia from us. We're going to feel empty, alone." Little Valerie crushes her palms to her ears.

"No. No. No! Stop-… Don't say anything else!" She was begging me to keep my mouth shut, in fear my harsh words would extinguish the last of her flame. "Shut up! *Shut up!*"

My body slowly sinks to its knees beside her, numbly. She continues wailing those words repeatedly.

"You're going to fight Nia, every second of every day, just so you don't become a rogue. You're going to have days sitting under a sky on fire as the cold breeze curls around your tiny body like a viper, and wish you were dead. You're going to hate Father, you're going to give up your heart to destroy him, and it's going to hurt so damn much. All the time…" I couldn't stop - I didn't want to stop. She needs to hear the Truth.

"I've had enough! *Stop!* I know my life is cursed. I know-… Why? Why do you hate me too?" She cries as her body curling into a ball. I sigh, hesitating as I brush her dirty locks behind her ear.

"Because I thought you were weak. I let our father's words get to me and fooled myself into believing they hadn't. I thought it was your fault we went through all that pain, but it wasn't. I'm sorry I hated you. I should have loved you the most. I should have put you first. Maybe then our life would have taken a better turn," I chuckle sadly.

"Then p-please-… Please, don't hurt me," little Valerie begs.

"I won't because you're going to meet a charismatic vampire and call him Charming. He's going to be your saviour, your brother. He's going to put you on a sugar rush, and you'll pretend you hate it, but deep down, you love it. You're going to see Eldora. The beauty behind the chaos. There's going to be a witch. She's going to take care of you and share her wisdom, heal your wounds."

She listens with curious ears, her eyes blank, wondering whether to believe me. "You're going to meet the most annoying demon with an affinity for chaos. He enjoys pissing his brother off, so you're going to be the brunt of his jokes. And there's this girl, a little younger than you, a human. You're going to name her, protect her, and comfort her because she'll remind you of yourself. And lastly, your mate. At first, you're going to push him away because you are afraid he'll turn out to be like our father. You're going to run, but in time, you'll trust him the most. And there, you'll have a true pack to call family."

"N-No. *No!* I don't believe you. *We're cursed! We can't be happy! Not after all this! No! I don't believe you, **so shut up!***" she argues angrily, refusing to see the truth in my words.

I keep my gaze on hers. A heavy silence rings between us as we drown out the shrieks of the chaos around us.

"Yeah, I believed that up to death too, little Valerie. I wanted happiness, but I did nothing to attain it – I should have. In the end, I realise the only person stopping me from being happy is me, and it's so hard to stop. So fucking hard," I chuckle sadly. "And why wouldn't it be? We live dark, gruesome lives, and we can complain all we want, but it doesn't change anything. We're still going to have the scars, we're going to remember, and we're going to be scared – all the damn time," I tell little Valerie.

"That doesn't surprise me," she whispers. I nod, "we were always scared, even in Mama's arms," she reveals.

"I know, and it's okay. It's okay to be scared because fear keeps us alive. It's our only intelligent emotion," I murmur, shifting my body, so I sit beside her against the cold concrete wall. "I sometimes wonder why we need to have scars to see differently-… why can't we just learn, without feeling broken? You see, those scars are battle wounds. It means we go out and learn new things. It's impossible to learn without failing, but you grow stronger in exchange. Mentally and physically. You're going to fight every day, with yourself, creatures, the Gods. You're going to kill Father with your own hands and meet our Wolf-father. He's going to look deep into your eyes – that you share – and tell you, he loves you so much."

As l turn my head and stare at the first real smile on her face, hope burns bright in her eyes. Her little arms reach out towards me, then she hugs me tightly, "Thank you."

Faint lights start to appear around her before she finally fades away, as the dungeon crumbles around me. A weight I didn't realise I was carrying lifts off my shoulder, tears cascade down my face, prepared to fall deep into nothingness.

I'm lost in my guilty thoughts, knowing the world may just end, and it'll be my fault. But a voice echoes in the distance, a voice I've yearned to hear for so long. "Valerie-…" she whispers like she was inside my head.

It's Nia.