Chapter 19 What we have become: I made the move

Chapter 19 What we have become: I made the move
Kieran Silvermane

I did not give any response. 
We stared at each other in the dim lantern light, both of us breathing too hard, and trying to process what had just happened.
I had initiated it, which, in all senses, should not have happened, but surprisingly, I felt no regret. My wolf growled inside of me, urging me to take more but I knew how important it was to respect Elena’s stand.
“We can’t be doing this,” She whispered. “Kieran, we can’t do this.”
“I know.” I shook my head.
“Then why—” She held back, drawing in a deep breath. “Then why did you start all of this?”
“I don’t know,” I muttered, nervously running a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what this strong desire that I feel is but I saw the picture of you and I’ve had many other thoughts since then.
And now, I’m with you here, trapped and it’s hard to concentrate on anything. I have tried but your scent does not allow me… I don’t know, I just don’t have an explanation that makes sense.”
The light was dim but I noticed the bob in her throat and for a moment, I concluded that she felt the same way.
I could not even blame her, we had shared the mate bond pull and it was hard to dissociate from those connections. At the end, it was mostly successful, but after a period of separation which did not help as Elena lived in the pack house now and my father had found a way to make sure our paths met consistently. 
For reasons that I did not know.
“Try to give me an explanation that makes sense,” She demanded, breaking my thoughts. 
I stared at her for a long moment, unsure of what to say. “I don’t think I can give any explanation that makes any sense. I only know that in this moment, I would love to feel your soft skin again and kiss you. I don’t know why and I’m not sure what to make of it, but I want to live this experience.”
“I know I have no right to touch you or want you…”
“Stop.” She stood abruptly. “Just stop.”
“Elena—” I frowned. This version of Elena got angry at the littlest things I said and I feared what she was going to say now.
“You rejected the bond.” She voiced out. “You called me unworthy in front of everyone. You don’t get to—to kiss my neck and tell me you think about doing these things with me. You don’t get to do that.”
“I know.” I stood too, but didn’t move closer. “You’re right. I’m sorry. That was—I shouldn’t have—”
“Yes. You shouldn’t have.” She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to stop the trembling. “We’re stuck here until the storm passes and the power comes back on. Can we please just—just pretend that there was no moment where you held me and licked my neck, wanting to kiss me after?”
“But… Yeah. Okay. We can pretend.” I nodded.
She moved back to the bench, as far from me as the small space allowed. While I stayed standing, leaning against the wall with my arms crossed.
Silence filled us, loaded with so many different emotions. I knew better that I had a justification to reject her so I refused to let myself feel bad.
We both stayed in the dim lamplight, breathing hard, the space between us charged with everything that had gone on between us. 
Elena’s hair fell loose around her shoulders, as she shifted slightly, and somehow, it triggered me again. Her lips were slightly parted, her chest rising and falling too fast. 
This her that I was beginning to experience, away from the always too formal Elena was unraveling me so fast and I was not sure how long I could live in denial. 
Especially with my wolf fighting all my decisions to stay away.
Right now, I should look away and do literally anything other than what my wolf was screaming at me to do.
But I couldn’t move.
Her eyes met mine, and I saw my own conflict reflected there. In it, were want, fear, and confusion all tangled together.
“Kieran.” My name came from her lips. 
“What is it?” I replied softly. 
“I don’t know, you have messed with my head. You should be happy.”
I took a step closer. She didn’t retreat.
Then another step toward her. The storage room was so small that two steps brought us almost chest to chest.
“I was only expressing how I felt.”
I reached for her shoulders, trying to keep her still as I stood close. “I have told you what I want, Elena. Should I go on?”
No response came from her.
“Tell me to back away and I will.”
She opened her mouth then closed it. Her hands were trembling at her sides.
“I—” She swallowed hard. “I don’t know what this is.”
“Neither do I.” I lifted my hand slowly, giving her every chance to pull back. My fingers found her jaw, tilting her face up to mine. “But I know I can’t stop thinking about you. I know being this close to you makes it hard to breathe. And I know that if you don’t tell me to stop right now, I’m going to kiss you.”
Her breath hitched. “This is a bad idea.”
“Terrible idea,” I agreed.
“We’ll regret it.”
“Let’s focus on now.”
“Kieran—”
Before she could finish, my lips went to hers enveloping them.
I kissed her like I had been drowning and she was air, and the first sip of water I had to take after being in a desert.
She made a sound against my mouth but then her hands were fisting in my shirt, pulling me closer instead of pushing away. I had thought she would push me away.
I backed her against the wall, my hands moving to her waist, her hips and anywhere I could touch. She kissed me back with equal desperation, like she had been holding back just as long as I had.
My wolf was howling with satisfaction, getting what he had demanded for the longest time.
The bond pulsed between us with each heartbeat we took. I could feel it trying to reknit itself, the severed threads reaching for each other desperately. It hurt and felt incredible all at once, like a limb that had gone numb suddenly flooded with sensation.
Elena gasped into my mouth, and I knew she felt it too. The way her fingers dug into my shoulders told me everything. She was as overwhelmed by this as I was.
I broke the kiss long enough to look at her. “Elena. We need to… if you want to stop, we stop now. Before this goes further.”
Her eyes were dark. “I should want to stop.”
“But do you?”
I watched emotions flicker across her face. Her chest heaved with each breath, and I could see the pulse hammering in her throat.
Then, quietly: “No.”
The word unleashed some audacity in me.
I kissed her again, deeper this time, my hands moving up her sides. She arched into me, and the small sound she made went straight to my core.