Chapter 41

At that he backs up, bringing his tunic over his head. I reach for his pants at the same time, loosening the ties there and then dropping to my knees to drag them down his legs. He steps out of them and I look at the scar from where he was stabbed. It’s stitched shut and no longer bandaged. I bring my lips to it, making him shiver before I stand back up. His hands reach for me immediately, bringing me closer to him until my breasts are against his chest, moving with my heaving breaths.

“I love you,” I say.

He can’t respond, but I don’t need him to. His lips tell me of his love. His hands that hold me too tightly tell me how much he’s missed me. The way he keeps me as close to him as possible tells me he’s as desperate for me as I am for him. And I give into that desperation, moaning at the feeling of his tongue circling mine, reaching between us to wrap my hand around his hardness.

His lips move to my neck, licking and sucking the sensitive skin there while I stroke him. When his hand cups my breast, taking my nipple between his thumb and finger, I groan my pleasure into the silent room. We break apart, our ragged breathing the only sound between us, and Hamza’s head turns from side to side, his eyes searching for something. Suddenly, his hands leave me. I mourn the loss immediately.

He walks to the other side of the room, where stacks of towels lay and gathers a few of them. When he begins laying them on the floor, first width wise and then layering them, I get what he’s doing. He steps back, surveying his work and then nods before he looks back at me. The desire and lust swirling in his eyes is enough to make me weak in the knees. I walk towards him, feeling like I’m floating on clouds.

The moment I get close enough, his hands settle on my hips and he uses them to hurry my last few steps until our bodies are flush against each other’s. He lowers himself to the towels, bringing me down with him, careful not to touch my back. Then I’m hovering over him, looking down at him staring up at me like I am his everything.

I lean over, bringing my lips to his as I reach down and take hold of him. Instead of lining him up with my opening, I slide him through my wetness. I watch his eyes close, his groan making my body shudder. His hands are tight on my hips, his thighs clenching between mine. When I’ve rubbed him against where I’m throbbing for him enough times, I begin to lower on him.

He stretches me, the bite of pain causing a breathy sigh to leave me, breaking our kiss. I savor every inch of him as it enters me, my body having gone too long without this. When all of him is inside me, I bring my forehead to his, just letting myself be in this moment, this bliss. His hands move all over me, my butt, my thighs, then skim up my sides to my breasts before settling on my neck. His touch is so soft, so delicate, it feels like his fingers whisper over me.

I shiver again and then I move. Rising up, his hand encircles my throat, making me feel my rapid pulse against his hold as I lower on him. I go slow, just feeling the slide of him in and out of me, the way our bodies fit so perfectly together, made for each other. Then his hand moves from my neck and is replaced by his lips. He licks a trail from my neck to my ear and I ride him faster, my orgasm speeding towards me. When he licks the shell of my ear, I explode, gasping his name, moaning while I fly higher and higher.

As I come down, Hamza’s beard scratches along my skin from him peppering kisses along my jaw, my neck, my collarbone, the tops of my breasts until he’s capturing my nipple. I hold his head to me as the warmth of his tongue circles my nipple again and again, his eyes rising to mine. Lazily, trying to regain my energy, I grind on him, dizzy from the desire I still find in his gaze. He groans against my breast, and his hands go to my back. They freeze on my wounds, some scars now, and I freeze atop him. His eyes break from mine, lowering and my heart sinks.

“Do they make you see me differently?” I ask low.

His eyes snap back to mine, a fierceness in them. “They only make you stronger to me. Braver, more courageous. But this happened to you because of me. You suffered for me, for protecting me. I can never forgive myself for that.”

I bring my hands up to cradle his face, my fingers threading through his beard. “This is much less than what I would do for you, my love.”

He brings his lips to mine. His beard rubs against my cheeks, a contrast to the softness and gentleness of his tongue. It seeks and explores, licking along my bottom lip, to my upper lip, between them. Then I open for him, and his tongue sweeps into my mouth, caressing my tongue as his hands begin moving on my back. At first his hands are hesitant, barely a whisper against my skin, but I reach back and press them harder to my back. Our mouths break apart, our lips barely touching while his hands search along my skin. He feels along my scars, sadness and reverence warring in his eyes. He reaches my upper back and then my neck, trailing his fingers from there into my hair.

“Hamza, Hamza,” I pant. “Don’t you love when our bodies come together?” I ask, smiling at him.

“I more than love it. I dream of it, I dream of you, just as you are now. Flushed with pleasure, with love in your eyes.”

I close the small distance between us until our noses are touching. Our eyes stare into each other’s.

“And you do know I love you right? With everything I am?”

“I do. And I know because that same love is in my heart for you. I would end the world for you, Ameera.”

“And I would start it anew just to have somewhere to share with you,” I whisper.

His hand tightens in my hair right before he arches up into me. I begin moving on him, and he meets me each time. I lower my lips to his neck, sucking the rain scented skin into my mouth. He groans and slams me down on him, my gasp echoing in the room. I rise and come down on him quickly until his hands clench my shoulders, holding me down so he can grind himself against me.

Then he leans back until he’s lying under me, watching me move, biting his bottom lip. His eyes roam over my body, my face, my breasts, my stomach, down to where we’re connected. My hands come to his chest, my nails digging into the skin there, and my head tosses back, the tension inside me becoming unbearable. Just one more thing, one more touch, one more hard thrust and I’ll be there.

And he gives it to me, his hands coming up and covering my breasts as I slam down on him. The hardness of his body rubbing against where the bliss has been begging to be released makes me spasm around him, his name spilling from my lips in broken moans. He drives into me, bouncing me on him and then he groans, a deep, guttural sound that has my eyes flying open, and my head dropping forward to look at him. His eyes are closed, his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth open, releasing an almost silent sigh.

We both slow down, then stop moving and I fall to his heaving chest. His arms wrap around my back and hold me tight to him while I catch my breath. My hair sticks to my neck with the heat of the room and my sweat. My legs shake and quiver from the pleasure still thrumming through my body. My heart beats against the skin of the one who owns it. Hamza’s hand begins tracing my wounds again, some pain coming through now that my mind is not clouded with lust, but the pain disappears as suddenly as it comes.

Hamza raises my hand from his chest and brings my fingers to his lips. I get his meaning and prepare for all the answers I have to give now that my body’s demands have been met.

“What do you want to say?” I ask low.

“You cannot marry him Ameera. Not for Nur. Not for me. I could never sleep again knowing you married him to save me.”

“I will marry him. I have to. The witch has sealed my promise. But,” I raise my head to look at him, but a whimper escapes me at the turmoil I see in his eyes. “I will not be leaving Nur. I will not be leaving you.”

His eyebrows scrunch in confusion, questions swirling in them.

“I cannot tell you everything now. It’s not time yet. But I promise I have a plan. For us, for Nur. For everything. Can you trust me, that I have a plan to fix everything?”

“Of course, I can. Although, I don’t know why you can’t tell me now.”

“Because it involves you and I fear if I tell you too early, it will disrupt when everything must happen. Because if everything does not go according to the way I planned it, I don’t know if it will all come together. And that cannot happen. Then I would leave Nur and you. Then I would be damned to the words of my promise. So just…give me time and trust, okay?”

“I cannot give you time, but I can give you my patience and trust. And my love. Always my love.”

I let my head drop back down to his chest at those words. My eyes close, and I let them wrap around my heart, hoping I have the chance to hear them again, many times over. Hoping my plan works, because the alternative, is something I cannot imagine without ice freezing my veins.

“I love you too,” I whisper, pretending fear isn’t running through me.

I stay with Hamza as long as I dare, still probably too long, before I kiss him goodbye. The scent of rain fills the room, and I wrap my arms around my middle, already mourning the loss of him as I walk to the hot spring. I bathe and wash my hair before drying off and dressing in the other gown I brought down. When I reach Hud, I don’t think I imagine the way he avoids my eyes, and I wonder if he heard Hamza and I in the room. If I assumed Maryam’s words correctly, and she was telling me to come here and be safe to summon Hamza, then Hud would have known why I came as well.

“Good night Your Highness,” he says low. “I will not be here tomorrow, just in case you were going to come.”

I understand what he’s telling me. It’s not safe tomorrow. Not for what I would come here for.

“Thank you. And I’m sorry, that you were removed from my personal guard.”

“It was my greatest honor to be able to protect you while I could.”

“You have told Zaynah how you feel?”

“Yes,” he answers, but his voice raises in question at how I know.

I smile. “She sings, all day now. She walks as if her feet do not touch the ground. I thought that might be what it was.”

He grins. “I have asked her to marry me.”

My eyes widen. “And she said yes?”

He nods. “She wanted to tell you right away, but she worried now was not the time. While you were hurt.”

“I am glad to hear of it. I will tell her the same. Just make sure I am present for the wedding.”

His face saddens. “But…will you be here? The guards talk of how King Azar is to take you back to Sameer after your wedding night. I…fear I will never see you again, Your Highness. Not until you come back to become queen.”

Surprise slams into me. I’m to leave right after the wedding? That is not our custom here. The bride and groom stay with her family for the first week in any Nur marriage so that her family is then comfortable for her to leave them and start a new life when the week is over. I have no doubt my father would have agreed to such a thing, caring very little for if I am ever comfortable, or safe, again, but he must be hiding that from the council. Otherwise Maryam would’ve told me. So my father plans to let Azar whisk me away as if I had never been. Hiding me away in Sameer until he no longer breathes. I think not.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I state. “Goodnight Hud.”

I walk away and return to my room, lighting another candle when I see the one I left burning is low. Sitting on my bed, I remove my head wrap and fall back to the sheets. All that I have to do, all the secrets I have to hope stay hidden, all the people I have to depend on to make sure my plan is followed through make my head spin. But there’s no other option.

I must marry Azar. I must secure the future of both Nur and Sameer. But the part of the plan that hurts the most, that makes me want to abandon it all, is that I must use the one I love to do it.