Chapter 44 Want Me
“I promise I didn’t think you would do that. It was Kyson who was worried, and then I just got in my head. I don’t want anything to ever happen to you.”
“Alec, I know I’ve moved on from that, you’re fine, we’re fine.”
“But I don’t want you to be angry at me and hold it in until it explodes.” He stops stirring the pasta, looking me in the eye.
I close the space between us, putting my hands on his shoulders. “Honey, I know you didn’t mean it like that. I know it was Kyson’s idea. I can promise you I’m not holding in some anger towards you or anyone else.”
He looks over my whole face, trying to read me.
“Now get back to cooking, I’m starving.” I peck his lips before pushing him towards the oven.
“Yes, ma’am.” He mocks, stirring the pasta and the sauce again. He looks delicious in front of the oven, making me lunch, wearing an apron with red kisses and the words ‘Kiss the Chef’ written on it. He’s wearing his usual jeans and t-shirt. Honestly, out of everything I’ve seen him wear, this is the most attractive thing I’ve seen on him.
I lean onto the counter, resting my head on my hand, watching him move around. Everyone left shortly after the conversation, saying they had some sort of meeting. Meaning we are the only ones here right now. I feel a fire ignite deep inside me; it’s a feeling I’ve grown familiar with. Especially with being around him so often. It’s the deep longing to have him. To be with him fully.
It’s a mix of wanting to be even closer to him, to bring our relationship to the next level. It’s also a mix of being so attracted to him. Sometimes it’s hard to ignore how desperately I want him. I know he has to feel the same way, but he’s been nothing short of a gentleman. He’s never even remotely forced or pushed me into doing anything with him. Which I’m grateful for, but we also haven’t done much of anything. Even making out doesn’t happen very often.
In instances like this, he overthinks things and becomes so nervous that he doesn’t do anything. Maybe I should just take the lead and be the one to initiate things. At least at first. Or maybe I should just talk to him.
“What’s going through your mind? You’re a bit too quiet over there.” He’s turned around to look at me again.
“I’m just thinking about us.”
“So you are holding in your anger.”
He makes me laugh. “No, it’s not about that.”
He steps away from the oven, giving me his full attention. “What is it then?”
I hesitate, I’m so comfortable with him, but it’s still a bit weird to talk about sex like this. I’ve never really been that type of person to talk about it openly.
He looks concerned about my hesitation. “What can I do?”
“Nothing, it’s not like anything crazy, it’s just a little uncomfortable to talk about.”
He looks as though he’s trying to rake his brain for what it could be.
The sizzle of water hitting the burner takes both of our attention away from the conversation. The pasta water boiled over.
“Let me drain this, and then we can talk.” He carries the pot to the sink, draining the water from the cooked pasta. He sets the pot back on the burner and runs cool water through the pasta in the strainer.
“The food’s done.” I step off the counter, go to the plates, and grab two for us.
“But let’s talk first.” He stops me from getting the food.
“Maybe we can talk after we eat?” All gumption to have this conversation about our sex life or lack thereof. It makes my stomach twist anxiously at the thought of talking about it.
He closes the distance between us, putting his arms around my waist. Looking down at me with a knowing look. “Let’s talk now and get it over with. I will listen to anything you have to say, and I won’t talk until you tell me to if that makes you feel better.”
I lean into him, putting us into a semi-hug position. “You can talk, it’s just awkward.”
I rest my head on his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat. He doesn’t say anything, and I know he’s waiting for me to finally talk.
“It’s about the intimate side ofa relationship.” It sounds weird how I worded it, but I didn’t want to outright blurt it out. His heartbeat picks up at my words.
“What about it?” He pulls back from me, still keeping his arm around my waist.
“I don’t know, just that we don’t really have one. The most we do is kiss, and I’m okay with that if you are, but sometimes I want it to be more. But I don’t want to push you ever, and I want it to be special for us. At the beginning, we had more heat than now.” I ramble out quickly.
He listens intently to every word I say.
“I always want you. I always want it to be more, but the last thing I ever want to do in our relationship is make you feel like you’re pushed into something. I love you, Anneliese, and I am undeniably attracted to you. I’ve taken a step back because of all the crap that has happened, but I will gladly bring back that heat if you are ready for it.” He says every word so absolutely that I feel the uncomfotablness of the conversation leave me.
I look up at him, and he’s already looking down at me. His beautiful chocolate eyes.
“I want to go further with you. I want that heat, the pasion I want it all with you.” My statement is heavy because we both know our relationship is going to change at an even faster pace.
He wants me, and I want him. It’s only a matter of time before we get there.