Chapter 54 Untold secret
Alex’s hand slid to Lucas’s back, holding him closer as if he had been waiting forever for the moment. Lucas let himself sink into it, eyes closed, the world narrowing down to the feel of Alex’s lips, and the steady rhythm of his breathing.
For a brief, fragile moment, everything else…his father, the threat, his secret…all faded away.
The only thing that mattered was them standing there engrossed in their affection.
After they pulled away they stayed like that for a while, staring at each other, no words, heart thudding with unexplainable emotion.
Alex’s arms were around Lucas, loose but certain, as if he were afraid that tightening them might break the moment. Lucas moved resting his head against Alex’s shoulder, breathing slowly for the first time in what felt like hours. The world had gone quiet, but it felt warm and safe.
Alex pressed a light kiss to Lucas’s hair, then another to his temple, nothing demanding, just presence. Lucas closed his eyes, letting it linger, letting himself believe, just for a heartbeat, that this could be enough. Alex's hand moved his fingers running on Lucas’s hair, a light smile tugging on his lips. He muttered inwardly, “Not to worry my darling, we will be alright.” Alex was very happy with their connection and for Lucas’s secret, it doesn't matter much for that moment.
From Lucas’s side, he just relaxed without a thought, still mesmerized at the sweet experience he just got. But then reality started creeping in back. It didn't just come all at once. It slipped in through the cracks.
Then Lucas’s chest tightened without warning. His thoughts scattered. His sister’s voice about his father’s plan echoed in his head. If he succeeded the consequences that he would bear but if Alex was able to stop him…good. Then what next? His secret…he can't share it with anyone. It had to remain locked tight. The thought stirred uneasily, reminding him that he can't let this feeling go on.
Instantly his body stiffened and he stood upright.
Alex felt it immediately. He pulled back just enough to look at him but his hand was still in place. “Lucas,” he said softly. “What is the matter?”
Lucas blinked, confused by the sudden shift, by how quickly the warmth had turned uncertain. “I—” He started but stopped, his breath faltering. “I don’t know how to...I thought it would be okay just now but it's not”
He stepped back half a pace, running a hand through his hair, eyes unfocused. “I'm sorry Alex, This is what I mean,” he said quietly, almost to himself. “One moment feels right, and the next everything feels wrong. Like I’m standing in two places at once.”
Alex didn’t reach for him this time. He let Lucas have the space, even though it clearly cost him.
“Lucas, you don’t have to figure it out all at once,” he said gently. “Just give this time, okay. I'm not going anywhere, hmm.”
Lucas wanted to accept his words, but the confusion lingered, heavy and unresolved. He hugged himself loosely, torn between the pull of Alex’s warmth and the fear tightening around his heart which had caught between what he wanted and what he was terrified to lose.
Lucas shook his head, voice trembling as he took a small step back. “I… I’m sorry, Alex,” he said, words spilling out fast, panicked. “I can’t do this. I shouldn’t do this. It… it has to stop.”
His hands shook, fidgeting at his sides, unable to meet Alex’s eyes. “I can’t… I can’t handle this right now. I’m… I’m too tangled, too… messed up for—” He broke off, swallowing hard. His chest rose and fell rapidly. “I just… I can’t.”
But Alex didn’t move away. Not a step. Not even an inch. But his eyes held Lucas’s reaction with an unwavering intensity, warm but unrelenting. But as Lucas picked up his bag, Alex rushed to him, his heart pounding.
“No,” he said softly, but firmly, shaking his head. “No, Lucas. You’re not walking away from us. I can't function normally without you. I've waited for you all this while. You can’t forget us like this. Not over fear. Not over some secret you think is too big. I’m not letting you push me away.” He held him in a hug.
Lucas’s chest tightened, panic warring with the pull toward Alex. “Alex—please… you don’t understand—”
“I do understand,” Alex interrupted gently but insistently. “I see you, all of you. I don’t care about the past, or your fears, or what you think you can’t handle. You think this is too much? Maybe it is… but we’ll face it together. I’m not letting go. Not now, not ever.”
Lucas’s breath hitched. The words were meant to comfort him, but instead they made his heart pound harder, the line between desire and terror blurring. He looked away, swallowed, and whispered, “I… I’m sorry. I just—”
Alex ran his hand through Lucas’s hair, lifted his chin up with one hand, making him meet his gaze. “Stop apologizing,” he said softly. “You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re just worried and scared to open up, that’s all. And that’s okay. But I’m not leaving you alone. Not now that your present matters the most.”
Lucas’s lips parted, unsure, trembling. His walls were still there, quivering, but Alex was already inside the space he had so desperately tried to close off. And for the first time, Lucas felt like maybe… just maybe, he didn’t have to run.
With his eyes locked on his, he said gently. “My Lucas, just take your time but don't keep away from me, okay.”
Lucas hesitated and nodded without giving his words any thought. His green eyes had enchanted him yet again.
“I promise to take care of you and protect you with everything. No one can harm or cut short your happiness, okay.”
Lucas nodded as Alex leaned in and kissed him passionately. Lucas responded without reservation. When they parted, Alex stroked his cheek. “My sweetness, not to worry, everything will be alright, hmm. We would scale through the huddles together hmm.”
Lucas nodded, “Hmm, I trust you.”
“Okay, come, let me drop you off or do you want to grab a bottle at the bar?” Alex threw in hoping for a hang out but Lucas refused.
“Oh no, I just want to go home, shower and sleep. I'm not a bar type.”
Alex grabbed his key and they headed out. As they entered Alex’s car and drove off, Alex asked, “So what type are you?”
Lucas’s composure hadn't returned yet. He responded shyly. “Well, I'm a stay at home type except maybe walking in the park with my sister and her friend Diana. Or going to the movies to scream or laugh at the highest tempo. Or getting practical in the kitchen, that's it”
“Hmm, I love that. You’re the fun type.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Of course, I hardly walk in the park. I don't remember the last time I went to the movies but I do get practical a lot in the kitchen.”
That instant Alex’s phone buzzed, it was Nathan. His heart skipped.