Peace
Leora:
When I was a little girl, living in a pack that barely tolerated me, trying to prove myself to people that I barely knew, surviving my cold loneliness one day at a time, I used to play this game with myself, I used to hide in my room, close my eyes, wrap the sheets of my small bed around my waist, and pretend that I am a beautiful princess in her sparkling gown, dancing happily as I exchange smiles and pleasantries with people who loved me, and falling into the arms of my handsome prince with his dirty blond hair and gray eyes, feeling warm and loved, feeling beautiful, and as the jokes become darker and the bullying harsher, I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into that childish fantasy until it became a conviction in my mind, like a stage I will reach finally if I managed to live long enough, I tricked my brain into thinking that my happily ever after is something I am entitled to and I am going to get, it is just a few years away, a glance away, a realization away, so naturally, I started mistaking kindness and friendship with love, I wanted it so desperately until I believed I deserved it, was it healthy? No,alas, I was but a lonely, broken child, only wishing to be loved, only wishing to feel warm.
That is how I ended up the way I did, that is how I built my entire life around a hopeful lie, and once the truth came, my life crumbled, all the strings holding me together were in the hands of a man who treated me with kindness and decency, once he let go, I became undone, all this time, my enemy wasn’t myself, Ciana, or the silvermoon pack, it was my delusion.
And delusion can be one hell of a drug, born from a seed of hope and watered by greed and entitlement until it became poison, until it filled my veins…
I understand it all now, I see it, and that is why, a small part of me, feels a bit sorry for the master as he sinks deeper into a prison we both crafted, him with his ambitions and desire, and me with my twisted mind that can barely untangle itself, I watch as the ashes swallow the two of them, the master and the woman he loved for so long, the one he was cursed not to have, Luna Alexis, and the many names she had each time she was brought back to life, I watch as his face relaxes into one of pure bliss as he holds her to his chest, oblivious of what is going on around him, of their bodies decaying until they are nothing but a single, intertwined soul, falling into frame one lost piece after the other.
He thinks he has it all, in his mind, he is the same princess I was, with his lover in his arms, with all the power at his fingertips, and I see now what it did to me, I shake my head as I look at the sky, no longer having any questions to ask the Goddess, no longer lost or confused, just, filled with bitter relief for winning the war but barely having anything left.
Closing my eyes, I smile to myself as I realize the Goddess is not here, there is just me and all the lost souls stuck in this place, I look at their faces as I walk in the endless desert, looking for one face in particular, it doesn’t take me long to find her, maybe because I know I have better understanding of this place now, I quickly find her, her sad eyes casted down, staring at her bloodied hands…
“Mom?” I whisper, my voice weak and shaky, I didn’t intend to it to sound like this, I didn’t want our final farewell to be a weeping session, but something about saying this word for the first time breaks all my resilience, she looks up, her face contoured with shock and joy, I don’t wait for her to call me, I instantly ran to throw myself in her arms, not caring that this is all in my head, the need to hug her is the same, the call in her eyes, the warmth in her arms luring me is all the same, she takes me in as if she’d waited her whole life for this, small sobs escape from my memories before I begin ugly crying, not holding back in the slightest, and why would I? This is my mom, I can cry in her arms, I can be weak and ugly and vulnerable here, in the fortress of her embrace, where I will be loved no matter what…
“My baby, my sweet baby…” she mutters, kissing my head fervently and running her hands all over my face and shoulders, pouring years and years of the love she couldn’t give on me, and even when I am drowning in it, I don’t suffocate, instead, I feel like I finally got to breathe fresh air, as if my lungs are expanding to their full potential for the very first time.
We stay like that for a while, me wrapping my arms around her, taking all of her in, and her showering me with love, healing the child in me, the one who spent mother’s day of each year crying in her room with a DYI gift she made and had no one to give it too, I calm down after a while, and I gently look up at her face, still marred and disfigured, yet still warm and loving.
“I am sorry, I am so sorry it took me this long to recognize you…” I tell her while taking her face into my hands and pepper kisses all over it, letting her know that no amount of burnt skin can push me away, she shakes her head, soft sobs escaping her lips, but I don’t stop as I need to say this for both of us, she had shown me love and care since the day I met her, she bared her heart out, now is my turn: “I have always wished for you, I have always cried for you, and there have always been a hole in my chest that refused to be filled with anything but you, but now that you are here, even when our time has been stolen, I feel complete for the first time in my life, there are so many things I wish to say to you, so many stories, so many promises, but know this, I am so proud that you are my mother, and I am so happy that it is you, and…” I choke on my words as more tears escape her eyes, Goddess, I hate seeing her cry, I hate that I have to say goodbye this soon, I hate that I can’t stay here and hide for a bit more with her, “I love you so much, I will always love you, and I hope you are as proud of me as I am of you…”
“I am, I will always be, my daughter, my little treasure…”
“I don’t want to let you go…” my voice breaks and my body begins trembling, I truly don’t, we barely had any time, I still need her out there with me, I still have so much to say that I can’t unpack right now, I still have so much wounds that need healing, so much love that needs to be given, so many things… so little time…
“You have to, for me and all the lost souls stuck in this place, never knowing what eternal peace is, never getting to rest, but mostly for you, you need to put all of this behind you and start living, you need to let go, free your hands of the burdens they are carrying and make space for future plans, future love, future challenges, it is what I want for you, to be happy, to live for you and not the ghosts of the past, to no longer be an open wound, you deserve this much, love, so live, for you…”
“I am gonna miss you so bad!” I tell her as I sob harder, I know what she is telling me to do is what needs to be done, what must be done, otherwise, there will be no end to this nightmare, but a small, selfish part of me, wishes to be able to sneak in here every night just to be able to hug my mother, I want to be able to run into her arms whenever I need to, I want to be a daughter for a bit longer….
“I will always be in your heart just as you are gonna live in mine, besides, you won’t be alone, you still have him, and he is waiting for you out there, like he always had…”
My mate…
“Say the words, baby” I take a deep breath, registering the feel of her chest against my face and her hands over my head for the last time, a feeling I can’t get enough of, the rest of the souls, except for the master and his mate, all appear all around us, an ocean of them, I only glimpse at some familiar faces, wondering where each and everyone of them is gonna end up, but that is up to the moon Goddess and the underworld Lord, all I can do now is let them go…
“Rest in peace…”
Tynan:
Something is not right…
I think as I hold my mate’s paralyzed body, her eyes narrowed to slits, lips parted, limbs stiffened, trying to protect her from the stray attacks, what is happening, I think as I try to reach for her soul, but dark haze is keeping me away, the master, the fucking bastard, I grit my teeth as I try to contain my anger, alas, the notion of my uselessness doesn’t help in anyway, I cannot get to him without hurting my mate, and all I can do is pray that she would fight for us, I know she is strong, maybe not physically, but her mind, her heart, and her will are made of steel, I need to believe in her, that she will fight for us, she will win for us…
“What are you waiting for! Just kill him already!” the blond harlot screeches while fighting the dead witches off her mate, Axel growls while trying to hold himself together, he is a strong wolf and a seasoned fighter, but this battle has been going for far too long, not to mention the one he is fighting in his head as he witnesses his mate’s true colors and ugly truth being revealed one at a time, I don’t envy him, but I don’t sympathize with him either, and if it wasn’t for the promise I made, I would have let all this anger out on this wretched witch.
Fight for us, baby, I know you can do it, I know you have it in you, I know you still love me, fight for us this one time and I will never let a fight near you again, fight for us and I will fight for your trust and happiness for the rest of my life…
Unable to stop myself, I lick her lips, slowly, and gently, I taste her, her and not the master, this is my mate, here, in my arms, I beg into her ear, plea and pray, coaxing her with every promise under the sky, telling her my feelings, telling her that I am right here, with her…
“What is happening?” I look up at Axel’s question, and sure enough, the witches freeze, halting their attack and I feel it, the magic leaving them, their bodies crumbling down to piles of dust, I feel a twitch in my arms and look down, and sure enough, the black irises that I adore stare back at me, sad, broken, and haunted, but they stare back at me, something heavy bubbles up to my throat, I fight to swallow it down, to compose myself as those eyes settle on me, but Goddess, the intensity of that stare, the weight it carries, the pain, the loss, the tiredness, I choke as I pull her closer, taking back my human form, she looks into my eyes and tears gather in hers, silent and tortured, I don’t say a word, she doesn’t either, even when there is so much to say, I just pull her closer, resting her head on my chest, trapping her in my arms as if she would shatter any moment, she is not shattering though, she is not afraid, she is just tired and bruised, like a true soldier, a true fighter, and I am so happy, so relieved, and so proud of her.
My mate, my everything, finally back in my arms, and if it wasn’t for her need to catch her breath and regulate her heart, I would have instantly carried her away from here, to somewhere where no other soul can find her but me, somewhere safe and warm, somewhere where I can worship her, love her, heal her, and beg from my forgiveness.
“Axel…” I hear Ciana’s whisper and then a shuffling, tired steps make their way toward us, I stiffen as my half brother calls for my mate, and she does too…
No! For fuck’s sake…no!
“Leora…” I growl at him, warning him to stay the fuck away, to not dare come near my mate, he doesn’t intend to hurt her, I can tell from the look in his eyes, and I hate it more this way, Ora’s small palms come to rest on my chest, not to hold me, but to gently push me, no! Fuck no!
“It is all in the open now, I guess…” looking at him straight in the eyes, Leora speaks in an even, low voice, one that is bare of any feelings, and I don’t know wether I should be releaved by that or not, all I know is that she stepped out of my hug even when she could barely walk and is now speaking to a man she used to love, standing between the two of us as if she is about to make a choice.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what I am going to do, all I know is that my heart is in pain…
“I am sorry…” Axel looks down for a second, ignoring his crying mate behind him, same as mine is ignoring me, “For everything, and before you say anything, I know that my apology is worth nothing, I threw all of our history in the bin the second there were doubts about you, an apology is worth nothing but I need to make it…”
“It is worth something, I assure you…” worth what? I want to scream, but I hold back… no matter how much I want to make her choose me, I need her to choose me on her own, once and for all.
“I really don’t see how, especially now that all the lies have been debunked, I just wish you to know that the silvermoon pack is still your home if you wish to return to it, I will make sure to punish everyone who hurt you, starting with myself, and I will make sure you have the respect you deserve, I know everything is not going to how it was, but I wish for the chance to make some of it right…”
“AXEL!” Cianna cried behind us, but he keeps on ignoring her, Leora looks at her with so much hate and disdain, and I expect her to ask him right here and now to kill his own mate, but she doesn’t, instead, she looks back at him, her eyes tired but confident, and I hold my breath for what she is about to say…
“The silvermoon pack has never been my home, just a place I was an unwanted guest in, my home is with my mate, my friends, and my family, I don’t care for an apology and I no longer want one because you no longer mean anything to me, my heart barely recognizes you anymore, my mind had already erased the pictures of the small boy I used to admire, and is now clear of the juvenile delusions I once lived for, I nothing you, but that doesn’t mean you will cease to exist, nor do I want that…”
“What do you want then?” Axel looks at her with a tortured eyes, one that I wish to gauge out if I wasn’t so heaven struck by her words, by her words, she…chose me…
“I want peace”